Grief for brother who committed suicide over 20 years ago
With the 22nd anniversary just next week, I have lots of feelings coming out of me again. even though I have accepted his death, I have never forgotten him nor does the feelings get any easier to deal with. Some years they may not be a strong and some years they are completely crushing. It starts as being unable to focus, mind wanders all day, trying to keep focused and on task takes alot of effort. then I relize the time of year it is... AUGUST... then I go from unfocused to all most obsessed, everything I think of includes him, every song I hear/ movie I see, thing I do reminds me of him. I close my eyes to sleep and I am back to that night... The night I watched him walk out of our house and out of this life. I remember everything, sights/ sounds/ smells...
I know I will never 'get over' my brother nor do I want to, I love him more now I think than when I was younger he was almost 25 and I was just 14. I think alot of times about I have lived longer than him and because of that I think I am more critical of myself. If I am alive I should be doing things to honor him and make him proud. I often think would he approve? where as when I was 14 I could have cared less what he thought.
This year has been hard, these feelings seem to be so much more intense than the past few years. I thought it was getting better but grief always changes it is never the same from day to day/year to year or person to person.
thanks for reading,.. I do feel better getting things out, here is to a good month of a hard August... cheers!
I realize that you post ed quiet a while ago. My sis suicide was 7 years ago in Oct. Today is my moms birthday. she is gone too. I had vry complex relationships with family members. I was much oldr than you when I lost my mom and my sis and my dad because i'm in 50's. just wanted to say time does have a way of healing things. believe it or not. I bet you're glad it's sept.
thisis a harder time of year for me thru jan.
god speed and I hope your love for your brother keeps you strong!
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