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    Welcome to Grumpy Groupies!!! This group is open to every one. I hope that all my buddies will join and use it often. Sad or happy, NO discussion is taboo. I do ask that you use Trigger in the title when necessary. Hopefully we can have fun and also support those who are having a hard time. Muahs
    What do you do>
    mommaange1 posted:
    When your husband gets on facebook and looks up an old girlfriend from 15 years ago and they start sending each other private messages on facebook and talk on the phone in the middle of the night when he is suppose to be working? Not only hiding the fact for weeks and then actually goes and sleeps with her. When I find out I go completely nuts. He is making no excuses and saying all the right things and even went to see a therapist who called me and wants me to come in with him. Then I was helping him with his new phone cause the moron had a fit about how stupid he was and mutilated his phone. Anyhow we were trying to figure out some gmail stuff and guess what I found. Yes a message to her about two hours after we got the phone. Her messages to him basically told him to get lost. So bitch that I am I sent her an email from his gmail account and totally flipped her out. She now has threatened both he and I with a restraining order if either of us contact her again. So now here I sit trying to get my wits about me. I am in like this total broken state and can't even think. He looks so remorseful and pathetic that I just don't know what to do or if this can be repaired. He is being totally open and honest about every little thing and really wants us in therapy together. One thing he did say was that he was 45 years old and felt like no one would be attracted to him. He never meant for things to happened but I guess he was trying to relive being 20 again. If that's the case why do it with someone the same age and not some young girl. I am so confused and devastated. I wonder if things can be repaired or not. What would you all do??
    bpcookie responded:
    Honey, first of all, this is NOT your fault, just remember that. Dont let him use that stupid feel-sorry-for-me B.S. Men are good at that and us women feel badly for them when we think they are hurting. This is not about HIS feelings, this is about YOURS. If he starts to pull that on you, turn it around and back to you. Your the one with hurt feeling, your the one who was done wrong by, Your the one that he tore apart. Everything is his fault and he needs to fix things.

    If he is still sending her messages on his phone, by email, face book or what ever, then he is not sorry. Everything has to stop NOW!!! Put your foot down honey. You have every right to question every little thing he does now.

    Take care hun. I really feel for ya. muahs
    When all else fails, go Bipolar all over their azzes!!
    mommaange1 replied to bpcookie's response:

    He has gone thru email, phone, FB everyhing and blocked and deleted it all. He had me make all his new passwords and took the lock off his phone where I can get in it anytime. He is reading a book that his therapist suggested and seems realy truthful. But who knows, how do you trust. If there is a will there is a way. The restraining order may keep him away from her but I can't make choices for him if temptation arises again. Hopefully the couples therapy will help with this. I may just be wishing on stars here, but I don't think he is like a continuous cheater who can't fix the marriage. My ex cheated so much and lied so much that I never even had to wonder if he was cheating because he was. This situation is so way different. I guess that is why I have some hope. I just don't know how to act around dh now. Texting is impersonal that that is easier. In his actual presence though, I just kinda stand there waiting for him to say some majic words and make it go away.

    Thanks for letting me talk. I don't want to let kids,family, etc know what is going on. It is nice having someone who is non judgmental and supportive to give advice and just listen

    ibex7 replied to mommaange1's response:

    Let me repeat the standard Illinois reaction for ladies in a similar situation to yours:

    1. Prepare his favorite dinner, wear makeup and jewelry, your hair should be perfect.

    2. Dim lights, low music, intimate conversation, ok?

    3. After clearing the table, stay in the kitchen and call out to him that you need some personal attention.

    4. When curiosity gets the best of him, let him find you at the kitchen counter, sharpening all of the knives, Do not smile.

    5. Tell him "We need to talk." Prepare to make some vital decisions. Remember it is very hard to gain weight on prison food. What ever you choose, Good Luck!
    There are times you don't mean to say what you mean to say you mean.
    bpcookie replied to ibex7's response:
    LOL goat, you always say the best things
    When all else fails, go Bipolar all over their azzes!!
    bpcookie replied to mommaange1's response:
    Momma honey, let me apologize. Im a very angry person when it comes to ppl who cheat. I get my panties in a bunch and my tail feathers get all ruffled. Im sorry if I seem to byatch slap your hubby around, like I said, its just because these kinda things irk me.

    I hate to see innocent ppl like yourself get hurt. Im here for you if you need to talk and I will try hard not to byatch slap your hubby.........too much.
    When all else fails, go Bipolar all over their azzes!!
    slik_kitty replied to ibex7's response:
    oh i soooooooooooooooooooo like goat's response. that is absolutely perfect. snicker.

    if he is willing to work on it, that is a good thing. but cheating is seldom a one time thing. keep on him. hound him like a dog. make him tow the line. you will soon find out if the marriage is worth saving. hugs
    mommaange1 replied to slik_kitty's response:
    This just gets better and better. Now I have discovered all the deleted texts and all the words said about me and our relationship. Found out he chased her around like a horny dog after a female in heat. Pathetic. Glad she at least told him so. Oh and best yet, he got another phone and the dumbass put the phone number in one of his gmail messages to her. A phone! I am in a living hell. He has no clue that all he did was type in his ID an my laptop remembers everything, links all the accounts, gives me passwords etc. There is no place I can't go. The phone was a good plan but stupid mistake mentioning it. He hasn't seen or talked to her since the 13th when it all blew up and she threatened a restraining order. He even called her Angel...I am Angel and have been since like highschool. He is the only one who does not call me angel. Never has. I am just so sick, literally tired from not sleeping, burnt out on investigation and just plain old mad, hurt and totally broken. Again thanks for letting me me post and vent. My psych major daughter told me to write it all down and then burn it that maybe that would get it out of my head. He asked me last night if I wanted to slap him....and boy did I
    bpcookie replied to mommaange1's response:
    You poor sweet heart. I can only imagine how I would feel if it happened to me. Try to stay strong honey. big hugs
    When all else fails, go Bipolar all over their azzes!!
    melly2210 replied to mommaange1's response:
    I have done the write and burn thing. It takes a lot of inner strength to let things go. And I know you have it. For me, the trick in the burning is to think of all the things that are pissing me off or hurting me and imagine them going up in flames and going away. I feel so better after but it took a few tries of doing this before it helped. So stick to it if you're going to use that technique.

    Another suggested technique was the rubber band around my wrist. Whenever I would get angry, I snapped the band around my wrist. It's supposed to distract you from the anger which is external to something more internal (the pain).

    Another thing I would suggest, and I am sure tons of people will disagree with me, but stop looking and investigating. You know it's happened. You know in a way it is continuing. But I think the details are sending you off to a not so good place. You need to concentrate on you first, the relationship second, and your husband last. Make you well. That's very important.

    Hugs!!!! Hang in there!
    mommaange1 replied to melly2210's response:
    At this point I agree. I can't look anymore after my major setback on Monday. They therapist of course told him I was going to check and question everything. Well last night his stupid phone kept waking me up ringing and dinging. So stupid me looks on the data log on AT&T and it said he had like 5 1min. voicemails. So this morning I told him his phone was waking me up due to all those voicemails. He then smarts off and says, "Yea that must have been all my other girlfriends calling". I wasn't accusing him cause I figured it was work, but I think he is getting aggravated with either me or himself for having to go thru this questioning. I sure as hell just wish I could sleep. Even with him here under my nose, I still can't sleep. And you wanna hear the most stupid thing of all... All I continuously keep thinking about thru all the despair is having sex...all the time. Weird. My tdoc says its a normal response because I am questioning my sexuality, and the book I am reading says it is all part of the emotional rollercoaster. How in the world can you be so mad, so broken and want sex like now, like everywhere. This is a really weird feeling. Don't know what to do there. He did write me the most beautiful post on my facebook for everyone to see. He is trying I guess. Grrrrr still want to bash him in the head though
    jselleck replied to mommaange1's response:
    Hi Mommaange. I don't know if you'll see this post, as the last reply was 7 months ago, but I hope you and hubbie are doing better. I was in a similar position to you several years ago. I was seeing this real jerk of a man who also had bipolar, only he was diagnosed and I wasn't. We had a love/hate relationship going on and the worse it got the more I wanted to have sex with him. Of course he wanted nothing to do with me because I found out later he liked young boys, but still it left me confused and hurt. Especially after I left the abusive sob and moved back in with my parents. The day I left him I cried most of the way from Atlanta to Tennessee, and the one thing that saved me from a speeding ticket just north of Atlanta was the trooper saw how upset I was and the first thing out of my mouth was I'm sorry for speeding officer, but I just want to get out of Georgia and never come back again. And I kept that promise and didn't come back til my friends and I went to Florida for a vacation. Like you I wanted to do bodily harm to the creep and came very close to it. The only thing that stopped me was he got me in a basket hold and almost broke my arm. Physical violence is never the answer. Especially when you could end up in jail. Or worse in my opinion the county mental health ward. I've been there. It's no fun. (Long story) Anyhow, hope you and hubbie are doing better. I strongly suggest the couples counseling. It's done wonders for my marriage. Take care and Merry Christmas.

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