Goat, I see where you're going with this. You are a decent man. No decent man, with or without bipolar disorder, is attracted to or his libido aroused by a woman with a cantankerous discourse. And decent women are repulsed by men who are confrontational and vulgar. Normally, I express myself with a more domesticated and civilized pallet and I am often described by others who view me daily as competent, hard-working, gracious and patient, and usually, beyond what is expected. People are shocked when they see my defensiveness and hear my use of foul language because of their daily perception of my cool, quiet and kind demeanor.
I do not like confrontation. When I experience confrontation of any kind (lost directions, arguments, learning something new and difficult, aging parents, assuming responsibility for elderly relatives) I get defensive, experience stress and anxiety and feel so threatened that I feel I have to prove myself to redeem my hard earned qualities. Regarding arguments, I can present my side of an argument calmly without faltering. Afterwards, I obsess over the argument or stressful event so much that I cannot get over the feeling of being threatened even though I have not done anything wrong. I don't know why I cuss when I feel threatened, but it might have something to do with my parents cussing to get my attention when I did something wrong and to bring my attention to the thing that I did not do right. I witnessed my parents yelling at each other to resolve arguments and whoever screamed the loudest won the argument. I don't have a marriage like my parent's thank God. I don't think that my past experience is a good excuse for using aggressive language. However, I am extremely gratified by my use of it because it gives me a sense of power over an aggressor or confrontation, especially, if I can set that presumed power in stone — in writing. The problem is that I am embarrassed by it later, and I think that other people are embarrassed for me too.
I'd like to believe that my medications are helping me with the intensity of the irritability I feel under stress. But, as you can see, I either need a medication adjustment or a personality adjustment. Now, if your libido really does go bananas over a woman's dirty talk, Cookie and I will still respect you in the morning! And, there's more where that came from -