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Welcome to Grumpy Groupies!!! This group is open to every one. I hope that all my buddies will join and use it often. Sad or happy, NO discussion is taboo. I do ask that you use Trigger in the title when necessary. Hopefully we can have fun and also support those who are having a hard time. Muahs
Mercy is still alive and kicking - Part one
mercygive posted:
Hello friends,
I have received emails from two misfits here (you know who you are) and you have no idea how good it was to hear from my friends. I will poke my head in to say hello while I still feel good. It took me a while to remember my password. I miss you all very much. I would like to offer support here, but my mind is lagging and it's easy for me to drop my thoughts in mid-sentence with the exception of today. I sneak a peek here sometimes and I am so sorry that some of you are going through very difficult times. But you know, I also see how everyone continues to be supportive of each other and it reminds me of how you have always been open and friendly to me. I remember that some of you are interested readers. I will warn you this post is long-winded, but I haven't posted for several months and you have asked how I have been doing and what I have been up to.

My eyes are glassed over as usual and I look tire and old. During the last several months, I have been depressed on and off with hypomania that doesn't last long. I have managed the normal periods for up to two months. I got very angry and irritable and at one point became severely depressed. It didn't last long but it felt like an eternity. I have pinpointed most of my triggers and I am trying to hone my skills to handle the triggers when they insist on coming.

Last month, I became depressed again while taking Topomax to lose weight; depression is a side effect. At the lowest dosage, this drug robbed me of my self-awareness, my handwriting and the ability to think and talk without slurring my words. I continued to take it because I had to give the medication a chance to work and I wanted to lose weight so badly. However, before I could lose any weight, I had to get off of it because it gave me numbing head rushes and nausea, and it caused me to have headaches. I would have passed out on the floor one day had I not found a chair. This drug also caused me problems at work. My boss and I are now trying to correct the fall-out from all my mistakes. I found company checks misplaced underneath the trays in my office drawers, in my large tote bag and in my car's glove compartment. All of the misplaced checks were, eventually, found and mailed. I almost forgot to pay a client's mortgage. I was able to hide some things.

Two weeks ago, someone I have worked with for 10 years, whom I have always thought of as a good friend, came out of nowhere and asked me if I was taking Depakote. I barely answered a slurred "no" and then I asked him if he was taking Depakote and he answered "God no!" which told me that someone guessed that I have bipolar disorder and I must be taking a mood stabilizer that, apparently, makes all of us act loopy. I have never told anyone at work that I have bipolar disorder, but his response suggested that if he had a mental illness he would hide it if he could. I should have told him it wasn't any of his business and I should have answered "God no!" I wasn't able to think quickly. Good thing is other associates are very nice to me and giving me friendly and caring smiles that I am not used to and I hesitate to return their smiles. I am still determined not to tell anyone.

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