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ways to lower women's libido
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vectorj posted:
I am a 31 yr old mother of three who has been married now for 10 years, I am in need of some advice. My husband and i have a very good relationship besides the fact that he doesn't like to be intimate as much as I do. It's not like i need it all the time but everytime I try I get shot down, he says he just doesn't think it's important and could live with out itfor quite awhile. We've discussed this issue numerous times and being the person I am I always give in and just forget about it, but i also seem to get depressed and down on myself do to this issue. I have also found out that his father has the same issue, so without causing more arrguments is there something out there whether it's a type of food or pill that I can take to decrease my libido? Please help.
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georgiagail responded:
As strange as it seems, some women report a lower libido when on birth control pills. Antidepressants will often have the same effect.

The problem in your marriage is with your husband, not with you. Perhaps he's the one who should be seeking medical treatment, not you.

Gail
 
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vectorj replied to georgiagail's response:
Thank you for your advise, we've discussed him getting him hormone levels checked but i don't see him actually doing anything about it if they are low, so i might as well make the change or at least visit with my doctor to look at different avenues. Thanks again
 
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Ragdoll68 replied to vectorj's response:
I am almost 45 and have been with my husband for 13 years. We have not had sex in 10 years. He is 50. He's tried to blame it on many things, but honestly he just can't get an erection to last anymore. I had blamed myself for years thinking I wasn't attractive enough and didn't "do it" for him anymore. And he let me. Other than intimacy we get along well. Finally we had a frank discussion about it all after I broke down in tears. He promised to attempt intimacy with me even if there was no sex. (He has said this before a couple of times.) And once again, he tried for a couple weeks then not much at all. I have a fairly active sex drive and could enjoy being intimate at least twice a week if not more. At this point, I have decided I need to decide what I want more, sex, or companionship. I don't think I can cheat on him because I do love him and would never want to hurt him that way. Just know for sure - IT IS NOT YOU.
 
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snevans responded:
am 74 and i have not had sex for 40 yrs my husband lost his erge when i was only 39 i tried everything to get him in the mood ,he said sex is not everything ,but it sure would of been nice so after about 5 yrs of not having sex i turned to a little vibrator it worked like a charm i would have an orgassum at least twice ,and it satisfied me completly i have cut buck a lot but i still go at it once a month and no one is the wiser also i have never had the need for a man i am still with my husband we don't discuss sex at all but when he goes out with the boys i bring out my lifesaver and i am a much happier person no stress left
 
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snevans replied to Ragdoll68's response:
am the same way i can't cheat so next best thing i did was get me a small vibrator and now i am a happy camper i use it whenever he goes out he never needs to know and i have been doing that for 40 yrs i am in my 70,s now but still use the vibrator and really enjoy it.
 
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Roxy759 responded:
When did this change take place?? Were any other changes happening at the same time? Did he start working out, working late, taking better care of his appearance? Is it possible he is involved with some one else? What is his relationship like with his Father? Intimacy is the glue that binds, I would be very concerned ,Perhaps it's time to get a babysitter (in Laws, Parents?) And go on a Romantic Trip JUST THE 2 OF YOU!!! Sometimes when you change your enviroment you change your marriage. Getting away from everyday stressers can reignite the FIRE. No PRESSURE, Just Relax, Laugh, Have Fun, Sex will probably follow as the two of you RECONNECT!!! GOOD LUCK. My Husband and I Go Away Every Year For Our Anniversary, we have Five Children, But We Take 10 Days once a Year to Fall In Love All Over Again!! It works like a charm!!
 
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DaysiC1 responded:
Hi there....OMG! I am so glad I found all of you....I have been going nuts. I have been with someone for two years and I have noticed a problem when it comes to sex. He just does not do intercourse and even when we are intimate its way too few. I am used to having sex at least 3-4 times a week. It helps me with the stress. He promised me he would get himself checked and fix the problem before we got married. Well, we got married in March, and the problem did not go away.....he FINALLY went to the doctor and was prescribed Viagra. We tried it the first day and it was great. But that was that. Since the beginning of the year we had sex a week AFTER we got married (not even on our honeymoon), and then the date we received the medicine. Which was May 1. THAT HAS BEEN IT.....I'm going crazy over here. I am usually in a great mood and I just try not to worry about it, but when I'm not feeling weel, or just tired it hits me like a ton of bricks....WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?! Does anyone have any ideas....I love him dearly but cannot keep going like this.
 
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mickey1023 responded:
My husband is only 31 and he wasn't interested in sex so I had his testosterone levels checked and they were low. Hes on a gel now that he applies daily and it has made a big difference. You're husband needs to see a dr. I Know how you feel believe me.
 
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DaysiC1 replied to mickey1023's response:
I did have him go to a doctor....after I threatened that I was going to go with him if he did not go. Te doctor put him on Viagra. But even though he has the pills (and they work) he still has no interest AT ALL. I have a vibrator, but have done research to find that even though you use one, it does not release the stress as regular sex. So my stress is still up up up....Even my blood pressure is up. Im not sure what to do. I have tried everything I can think of. Nothing has worked. I need some help here. That is why I have posted here.
 
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BarbaraVA responded:
Please, don't ask how to decrease your libido. The very question says that there's something wrong with YOU. There isn't. I'm glad for this discussion. I can offer some advice. Like some of the other ladies here, a male is often not interested in intimacy. On my honeymoon, my groom fell asleep. I lay there and cried, he must have heard, but no response. Nothing I tried worked. I was a lonely, loyally married woman, growing increasingly warped and angry. This went on for years, until he finally told me about his 'secret' past, which he still practiced. He grew up using porn, masturbation, and willing females (I won't use any of the unsavory terms and phrases he did). He admitted he never gave a thought to cultivating a monogamous, intimate relationship with any one lady. He apologized. We went for counseling. He promising that things would change. One doctor gave him testosterone shots, but that made him hostile. After more years of isolation from him, he admitted he still masturbated to porn, even using my toys in his rectum (dangerously unsanitary). After several more years, he left. I found out later that while we were still married, he had (A) crossed state lines, ( married someone else, and (C) they had a child. The damage to my inner self caused nothing but unrequieted stress. Some years later we ran into each other. He apologized, stated he had broken up our marriage. He hadn't changed one thing, but that his now wife was able to live with it. He stated he was now a 'new Christian,' that he had to live with what he's done.' All those aching, frustrated, lonely years wasted for me, while he enjoyed himself. Next time around for me, if there is a next time (been divorced 25 years), I'll do a whole lot more sleuthing beforehand, on FB, MS, and even hire a private detective to uncover what I can't. I don't intend to give my heart and body to somebody who can't return the same.
 
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mm85tas replied to BarbaraVA's response:
Hi to all. I'm a 27 yr old woman, have been married for over 5 yrs. My husband is 11 yrs older than me, but this detail is not really important, the main thing is this: he's got schizofrenia, he is a lovely-lovely person, but we have no normal sex life ((
Especially in the first few yrs my libido was sooo high.... and my husband was happy to go days/weeks without touching me. So he has 2 problems: 1.no libido, 2.problems with erection... and that would last for only a minute anyway...
I love him and I never ever cheated on him, though I must admit sometimes I got close to it.... (emotional "cheating").
It's a VERY difficult situation. Makes life very....... hm... don't know how to put it.... there are no words really that could express my frustration, sadness and disappointment (( But as long as we live, I'll be with him because I love him so much and he is my soul mate, I couldn't leave him. We have tried to solve this problem, but because of the med.he is on it's just way too complicated. These days thank goodness my libido is a bit lower, and there are certain things that we can both enjoy when it comes to intimacy, but it's still far-far away from the "normal" sexual life that other people enjoy.
I feel for you ladies- who left comments before me, and all I can say is to seek medical help FOR hubby, if possible, there is nothing wrong with YOU!
 
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Kitwic responded:
Don't deny yourself a natural part of life. Make an appointment for him to have a physical and go with him. Tell the doc about his very low sex drive. Many things can have an impact on it.
 
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DaysiC1 replied to mm85tas's response:
I understand what everyone is saying....its not me...but I feel like it is. He is on Viagra, but still nothing, I sometimes fell like he really doesn't care. He was married before for 25 years and went 16 years with no sex. He is accustomed to that...but I am not. Its very frustrating. We are planning on going for a second honeymoon this weekend and to be completely honest I am about to tell him to forget about it. Its a complete waste of money. I would love to go, but the idea that its a honeymoon, without sex, I think would kill me again. Our first honeymoon was the same, nice place, but nothing. I am not used to this. My ex husband was very sexual, and I keep comparing the two. I love him dearly, he and I are perfect for one another, except for this detail. I am not sure what else to do. Should I talk to him and explain, YET AGAIN, how I feel???? I tried to yesterday and he just gives me this blank expression. I love him, we are meant to be together but I am not sure what else to do. I have noticed that while I am doing fine I just keep this in the back burner and go forward. But when I am very tired or not feeling ok, my emotions come out and I end up telling him how upset and depressed this has me, and again I get the blank stare. I cannot imagine my life without him. Although the thought has crossed my mine before and lately more than once. I want this marriage to work. I have told him to see the doctor, and he went once. Thats when they put him on viagra, put if theres no sex drive then its a moot point. I am willing to try anything!!!!
 
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georgiagail replied to DaysiC1's response:
Please understand that Viagra (and other ED medications) will do NOTHING to increase libido in a male. Their only purpose is to increase a mans ability to get an erection.

In other words, they are useful where the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak (so to speak), not the opposite.

Gail


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