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Just found out my Proposed Boyfriend is HIV positive
caringmomma posted:
I would like some advice, medical opinion on what to do, I have been seeing/talkin to this guy for quite some time now, and we decided that we wanted to take it to the next level, our feelings are strong for one another and their are children involved that became attached to him. After being with him for the first time, he came out and told me that he is HIV Positive. I am not sure how to deal with this, bc there is love there , he treats myself and my children with great dignity and gratitude and makes us feel like a family. But in the long run I don't wanna be infected, I have 5 beautiful girls to raise, and don't wanna take chance of passing to them etc. ,again however we love eachother and he is a daddy to my girls(that aren't even his). AHHHH HELP) . Can I really be with someone who is HIV positive
georgiagail responded:
Yes, of course you can. There are many "magnetic" couples where one member is positive for the virus and one is negative.

I am a bit concerned that his fellow was not honest with you earlier in your relationship regarding his status. And when you mentioned "being with him for the first time" I'm going to assume you mean sexually and if so, that this sexual encounter was protected with a condom.

caringmomma replied to georgiagail's response:
Yes I mean sexually and yes we did use a condom, but had some difficulty with it, i'm just hesitant, because we really like each other, but just not sure if I should set myself up for contracting the disease, I don't know how likely it is to contract the virus? I have done some research and a lot of people say if he's the right one, don't let him slip, but this is way more serious than just any other STD, I guess im a bit confused
georgiagail replied to caringmomma's response:
Things to keep in mind regarding HIV in comparison to other STD's.

It typically scares the willies out of folks because there current is no cure for HIV.

However, out of all the STD's out there, HIV is one of THE most difficult to contract.

Unlike other STDs/STIs such as HPV,HSV, chlamydia, gonorrhea which often require only contact with skin or mucous membranes for transmission, HIV must, somehow be able to actually ENTER the body for transmission to take place.

Thus, your five daughters are perfectly safe around this man (not to sound crass but I'm assuming they are not going to be engaging in sharing of IV drug needles or unprotected sexual intercourse with him). Sharing of eating utensils, towels, bathroom facilities, sheets, electronic equipment etc. will not transmit the virus to them.

In terms of you coming in contact with the virus from him...the effective use of a latex condom will prevent transmission of the virus to you. The virus cannot cross an intact latex barrier.

The estimated per-act risk from unprotected oral sex (I add this because we get this question all the time) is .5 to 1 per 10,000 exposures with a source known (in this case) to carry the virus.

caringmomma replied to georgiagail's response:
OMG......thank you so much for putting this more into perspective for me....this makes me feel much better. Considering, I knew how it could be contracted just was nervous,because like you said it scares....the most out of everything. Im glad to get some advice from you,i just kinda felt like I was cheating the line here, by entering into something knowing that there is a possible deathly outcome....but I do however know that people walk there whole lives and live just fine. Again thank you for the input , it has truly helped me understand a bit more and really think about the situation.

Helpful Tips

Keep having Hope and faith, never give up and be positive
Hi, I would like to share my story. I've been HIV positive for 13 years and have been on to meet my future husband. Well 24th ... More
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