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TTC 2 years and bitter.
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An_256558 posted:
My husband and I have been married 3 1/2 years together 5, and have been ttc 2 years. I have been to the doctor and they said I am fine. I have regular 27-28 day cycles, my bbt shows I ovulate every month as expected. I eat healthy and walk at least 2 miles a day. They told me that we just aren't dtd often enough. And there's the rub. After we got married DH mostly lost his interest in sex. During our first year of marriage we had some problems learning how to be married, so I thought it was stress caused, we would go 3 months without dtd. After therapy for a few months, we got on the right track and were closer than ever. We both had decent jobs and we decided to start ttc. Except the sex didn't ever come completely back. For a month or two we got up to maybe 3 times a month, which was great from where we had been. But after a few months it went back to once every month or two. I tried everything. I told him when I was ovulating so he could mentally pump himself up, I tried not telling him when I was ovulating so he wouldn't stress himself out, I've tried wearing lingerie and setting the mood, I've tried jumping him (in a sexy way), I've tried making deals, I've tried setting appointments (NOT very sexy but it was his idea), I've bought porn for us to watch together, I've bough toys, I've tried ignoring the whole topic of sex, I've tried begging, I've tried crying, I've tried yelling, I've tried getting him tipsy. I think I've tried everything.

We've talked about it and about 9 months ago we discussed him going to a specialist and seeing if he has any hormonal issues. But he won't make an appointment. I made one appointment for him that he wasn't able to get off work for. At this point I would just like for us to have a sex life, and then hopefully pregnancy will follow. Problem is, we're the oldest in our families (I'm 29 in a few days and he's 29 in a few months), and everyone in our families seem to be super fertile, we have 8 nieces and nephews and many more little cousins, almost all our friends have kids or are pregnant. I'm getting super resentful that we can't move forward. In addition, how am I supposed to go to another baby shower?

My dh best friend and his friends wife are 6 months and having a baby shower in a few weeks, and I'm getting pressure to go. DH friend is an alcoholic that beats his wife, and she never wanted kids, always told me that pregnancy was disgusting and parasitic, yet she was happy to brag to me that they got pregnant only having sex once without even knowing her cycle. When I told DH I wasn't going, he said he didn't like how bitter I've gotten.

I don't really expect any advice, if anyone has some, great. But I have already read every forum I can find. I just really needed a place to vent. Thanks.
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ruca29 responded:
I would like to add, I have a normal BMI, I'm 5'7" 128lbs (I'm not unattractive that has been a suggestiong), I know he isn't "getting it" somewhere else (that has also been a common suggestion), and HE's the one who wanted us to start ttc, and when I ask he STILL says he really wants a child (for those who suggest that maybe I pressured him into ttc).
 
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diytestkitsdotcom responded:
Hi An556558,

I'm sorry you are going through this tough time, and that people around your are making you feel bad, maybe unintentional for some. This so called friend of yours, does he know what you have been going through? He should have known better that to tell you that you are bitter. Even if you are, as your friend, he should at least try to put himself in your shoes and see how you would really feel. He should understand how you feel. You shouldn't have to give him an explanation.


As for your husband, talk to him. Ask him why he is so apprehensive about going to the doctor. With the way the male ego works, he must feel embarrassed that he has to do it. Instead of being angry with him, try to encourage him instead. Tell him that there is no need for him to feel ashamed and be scared because you will support him all the way. And that no matter what happens, you will still love him.


If he really is not ready for now, why not try some DIY test kits for fertility health. This way you both can figure out together if your have any hormonal imbalances that might be hampering your plans of getting pregnant. I recommend ZRT Labs' Male Profile 2 Blood Test Kit and the Female Profile 2 Test Kit. They are comprehensive tests that evaluate your fertility health. This can give you a good idea of your health for pregnancy. You can also show the tests to a doctor, who can help you out if there are any complications.


You are both young so don't fret so much. Stressing yourself won't help you, it might even be the reason why you are having such a hard time. Why don't you take a break from trying to conceive and relax for a while. Enjoy your time together, so you will be in a healthy frame of mind when you try again.


Keep your patience and be hopeful. Exert effort for you both to be on your best health. Don't give up! Best regards and goodluck!


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