How do you deal with disappointment?
Yvette Smith, MD, MPH posted:
No one expects to have problems trying to conceive. After being told to avoid unintended pregnancies, it's hard to imagine that getting pregnant would actually be "work". When you're trying to have a baby, seeing your period again suddenly becomes disappointing. So what can you do to manage the disappointment?
First, keep in mind that the natural conception rate is about 25% in fertile couples having spontaneous, untimed intercourse. That number -- indicating a 1 in 4 chance of pregnancy -- can seem high when you don't want to be pregnant. However, when you're ready to be pregnant, that ratio can seem very low. Although we can be realistic about the numbers, our hearts still ache when we aren't immediately successful. If it's your first few months of trying, the right answer might be to just breathe. Learn to pause and adjust your expectations.
It may get harder and harder to remain upbeat and optimistic as the months pass by. So then what? Seek support. Support can come in many forms, such as an online support group, a very good friend, your religious affiliation, or your partner. We all have to identify what works best for us. Some women turn to exercise or other hobbies and activities that can serve as a creative or healthy outlet for frustration. Staying active and positive helps put negative energy in its proper place.
Being informed is also helpful. Try to become as educated about pregnancy and conception as possible. Knowing your options can be a great comfort.
What emotions have you experienced as you've tried to conceive? Do you have any tips for controlling or handling those feelings?
First, keep in mind that the natural conception rate is about 25% in fertile couples having spontaneous, untimed intercourse. That number -- indicating a 1 in 4 chance of pregnancy -- can seem high when you don't want to be pregnant. However, when you're ready to be pregnant, that ratio can seem very low. Although we can be realistic about the numbers, our hearts still ache when we aren't immediately successful. If it's your first few months of trying, the right answer might be to just breathe. Learn to pause and adjust your expectations.
It may get harder and harder to remain upbeat and optimistic as the months pass by. So then what? Seek support. Support can come in many forms, such as an online support group, a very good friend, your religious affiliation, or your partner. We all have to identify what works best for us. Some women turn to exercise or other hobbies and activities that can serve as a creative or healthy outlet for frustration. Staying active and positive helps put negative energy in its proper place.
Being informed is also helpful. Try to become as educated about pregnancy and conception as possible. Knowing your options can be a great comfort.
What emotions have you experienced as you've tried to conceive? Do you have any tips for controlling or handling those feelings?
52 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?No one expects to have problems trying to conceive. After being told to avoid unintended pregnancies, it's hard to imagine that getting pregnant would actually be "work". When you're trying to have a baby, seeing your period again suddenly becomes disappointing. So what can you do to manage the disappointment?<br /> <br />First, keep in mind that the natural conception rate is about 25% in fertile couples having spontaneous, untimed intercourse. That number -- indicating a 1 in 4 chance of pregnancy -- can seem high when you don't want to be pregnant. However, when you're ready to be pregnant, that ratio can seem very low. Although we can be realistic about the numbers, our hearts still ache when we aren't immediately successful. If it's your first few months of trying, the right answer might be to just breathe. Learn to pause and adjust your expectations.<br /> <br />It may get harder and harder to remain upbeat and optimistic as the months pass by. So then what? Seek support. Support can come in many forms, such as an online support group, a very good friend, your religious affiliation, or your partner. We all have to identify what works best for us. Some women turn to exercise or other hobbies and activities that can serve as a creative or healthy outlet for frustration. Staying active and positive helps put negative energy in its proper place.<br /> <br />Being informed is also helpful. Try to become as educated about pregnancy and conception as possible. Knowing your options can be a great comfort.<br /> <br />What emotions have you experienced as you've tried to conceive? Do you have any tips for controlling or handling those feelings?
pattycakes3000 responded:
I've just completed cycle 3 , I dont take a pregnancy test until 3-5-2011. The feeling of being uncertain is difficult. I try to remain positive it will happen when God is ready. I'm trying to stay busy by working more hours at work and starting graduate school. i look at statistics and they show that 90% of women who have infertility problems will conceive eventually. So it will happen , just don't know when. Thank you for the article reading really helps.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I've just completed cycle 3 , I dont take a pregnancy test until 3-5-2011. The feeling of being uncertain is difficult. I try to remain positive it will happen when God is ready. I'm trying to stay busy by working more hours at work and starting graduate school. i look at statistics and they show that 90% of women who have infertility problems will conceive eventually. So it will happen , just don't know when. Thank you for the article reading really helps.
NBotelho responded:
Been trying for 5 months... only had my period 3 months... and only ovulated for 1 of them. I have endometriosis and PCOS pretty bad. I am just bummed that not only am I in pain A LOT, I am not even getting rewarded for going through the pain. I mean, I can't even ovulate regularly. But my husband is a great support, along with my dad. They just let me vent when I need to.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?Been trying for 5 months... only had my period 3 months... and only ovulated for 1 of them. I have endometriosis and PCOS pretty bad. I am just bummed that not only am I in pain A LOT, I am not even getting rewarded for going through the pain. I mean, I can't even ovulate regularly. But my husband is a great support, along with my dad. They just let me vent when I need to.
How wonderful to have that support. Stay in contact with your PCOS doctor so they can continue to give you feedback about your attempts to conceive. Good luck!
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?How wonderful to have that support. Stay in contact with your PCOS doctor so they can continue to give you feedback about your attempts to conceive. Good luck!
Sounds like your attitude is wonderful. Hang in there and good luck.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?Sounds like your attitude is wonderful. Hang in there and good luck.
kristakirwin responded:
I'm 33 and my husband is 39, so when we got married a year and a half ago, we were ready to start trying to get pregnant out of the gate. Every month that I don't get pregnant is harder and harder, it's like you really do feel that clock ticking, LOL! The things that help me most are my faith and my husband, who has been there every step of the way, supporting me and trying to learn himself about what we can to optimize our chances. I just believe that it will happen when God knows best, he wouldn't have gotten us together and made us want to be parents so bad if it will never be...
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I'm 33 and my husband is 39, so when we got married a year and a half ago, we were ready to start trying to get pregnant out of the gate. Every month that I don't get pregnant is harder and harder, it's like you really do feel that clock ticking, LOL! The things that help me most are my faith and my husband, who has been there every step of the way, supporting me and trying to learn himself about what we can to optimize our chances. I just believe that it will happen when God knows best, he wouldn't have gotten us together and made us want to be parents so bad if it will never be...
We all have to hold on to something when things are a little tough. It sounds like your have a wonderful support system. I know you'll do great.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?We all have to hold on to something when things are a little tough. It sounds like your have a wonderful support system. I know you'll do great.
nicram8683 responded:
We are currently in cycle #7 of TTC. I used to get myself so worked up about getting a BFP, then I felt so let down. I started working full time in Jan, and lately with working so much, I havent had time to "worry" about getting pregnant. I mean its still on my mind, but I have really thrown myself into my work. I am hoping this "distraction" is what I needed.
Also, and more importantly, my support is on here. I dont tell a lot of people we are TTC, so when I am on these boards, it is so good to hear stories of others just like me and to have the encouragment of all the ladies on here. I check in daily just to see what others are saying or asking. I have learned so much by only reading the boards!
Thanks for all the support!
Also, and more importantly, my support is on here. I dont tell a lot of people we are TTC, so when I am on these boards, it is so good to hear stories of others just like me and to have the encouragment of all the ladies on here. I check in daily just to see what others are saying or asking. I have learned so much by only reading the boards!
Thanks for all the support!
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?We are currently in cycle #7 of TTC. I used to get myself so worked up about getting a BFP, then I felt so let down. I started working full time in Jan, and lately with working so much, I havent had time to "worry" about getting pregnant. I mean its still on my mind, but I have really thrown myself into my work. I am hoping this "distraction" is what I needed. <br />Also, and more importantly, my support is on here. I dont tell a lot of people we are TTC, so when I am on these boards, it is so good to hear stories of others just like me and to have the encouragment of all the ladies on here. I check in daily just to see what others are saying or asking. I have learned so much by only reading the boards!<br />Thanks for all the support!
karina84 responded:
I was really down the first four or five months of not conceiving. We haven't really told anyone we're TTC and I think makes it really hard, because I wasn't able to really talk about it with anyone. I finally hinted about it to a friend of mine who has a young child, and she told me it took them years to get pregnant. Knowing someone who's struggled but who now has a beautiful child is encouraging. We also decided to take a few months off of TTC. We're still not using any kind of birth control, but we're not really trying, either. I think I just got so tired of being disappointed that I needed a break. I'm in grad school and am very stressed often. In a couple of months, when things calm down at school, we'll start trying again with renewed gusto. Stress isn't good for fertility, and taking a break until my stress is under control (and getting away from the stress of TTC) I think will be helpful. If anything, I feel better about it.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I was really down the first four or five months of not conceiving. We haven't really told anyone we're TTC and I think makes it really hard, because I wasn't able to really talk about it with anyone. I finally hinted about it to a friend of mine who has a young child, and she told me it took them years to get pregnant. Knowing someone who's struggled but who now has a beautiful child is encouraging. We also decided to take a few months off of TTC. We're still not using any kind of birth control, but we're not really trying, either. I think I just got so tired of being disappointed that I needed a break. I'm in grad school and am very stressed often. In a couple of months, when things calm down at school, we'll start trying again with renewed gusto. Stress isn't good for fertility, and taking a break until my stress is under control (and getting away from the stress of TTC) I think will be helpful. If anything, I feel better about it.
wiseapple509 responded:
I am 41 years old with 2 sons who are 10 and 12. I've been trying for child #3 off and on for 5 years. More recently we've been TTC for over a year. I had one very brief pregnancy followed by a miscarriage last June. It gave me some hope that I could get pregnant. I feel that I have to relax and wait on God's timing. But it's hard being this old. I've always wanted 3 children. This article helped me. Thank you.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I am 41 years old with 2 sons who are 10 and 12. I've been trying for child #3 off and on for 5 years. More recently we've been TTC for over a year. I had one very brief pregnancy followed by a miscarriage last June. It gave me some hope that I could get pregnant. I feel that I have to relax and wait on God's timing. But it's hard being this old. I've always wanted 3 children. This article helped me. Thank you.
ODS_Twig replied to wiseapple509's response:
I am 39 years old and we have been TTC for over two years. I've seen four different doctors who say "everything's normal, keep trying". My cycles are very regular, all tests each month show that I'm ovulating, I went through 4 cycles of chlomid last year, my husband tests normal on everything.....no one can figure out the mystery of why we aren't conceiving. We've tried all different theories of timing intercourse (every other day during days 10-14, every day during days 10-14, the square root of 24 hours after I show a positive ovulation test!!!). Joking of course. Basically saying we've tried every option as far as timing. Stress level is low, I have a great job, a great husband, two great dogs, two great cats, and overall a great life. Just would really like a great child to go along with it! Hopefully before it's too late and my body decides to retire..... 
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I am 39 years old and we have been TTC for over two years. I've seen four different doctors who say "everything's normal, keep trying". My cycles are very regular, all tests each month show that I'm ovulating, I went through 4 cycles of chlomid last year, my husband tests normal on everything.....no one can figure out the mystery of why we aren't conceiving. We've tried all different theories of timing intercourse (every other day during days 10-14, every day during days 10-14, the square root of 24 hours after I show a positive ovulation test!!!). Joking of course. Basically saying we've tried every option as far as timing. Stress level is low, I have a great job, a great husband, two great dogs, two great cats, and overall a great life. Just would really like a great child to go along with it! Hopefully before it's too late and my body decides to retire..... <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/frown.gif" align="top" border="0">
lvance77 responded:
We have been working on another baby for now 7 mo. I have been trying to keep my head up and my family been suporting us after finding out I have 3 blood clots disorders and a pregancy that was early and losing my son do to becous I didn't know of these disorders, I take my meds I have to take, staying focoused has been hard, but keeping my self activie has help.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?We have been working on another baby for now 7 mo. I have been trying to keep my head up and my family been suporting us after finding out I have 3 blood clots disorders and a pregancy that was early and losing my son do to becous I didn't know of these disorders, I take my meds I have to take, staying focoused has been hard, but keeping my self activie has help.
dduncan5109 responded:
I went off the pill in May 2010 and miscarried early in pregnancy in August 2010. Since then I have had no luck. I don't know what I am doing wrong. It is very hard sometimes especeially with both my sisters being pregnant. I feel like sometimes I might blame my husband which I know doesn't help things. He works a lot and is tired all the times which can effect things in the bedroom. I guess all I can do it keep trying. I get so disappointed when I get my period. It seems so easy for other people and wonder why it is so hard for me. People say relax and don't think about it and it will happen which is easier said then done...
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I went off the pill in May 2010 and miscarried early in pregnancy in August 2010. Since then I have had no luck. I don't know what I am doing wrong. It is very hard sometimes especeially with both my sisters being pregnant. I feel like sometimes I might blame my husband which I know doesn't help things. He works a lot and is tired all the times which can effect things in the bedroom. I guess all I can do it keep trying. I get so disappointed when I get my period. It seems so easy for other people and wonder why it is so hard for me. People say relax and don't think about it and it will happen which is easier said then done...
skinnygirl11 responded:
how do you girls handle the wait? We have been trying for probably a year or more. I am 37, and I always wanted to have my kids by 30. I have a little boy, but would love to have another one, but the wait is killing me. Having told other people didn't help. Everyone keeps asking if we are pregnant, and of course the answer is NO. I don't want them to keep asking, but that's the first thing they ask when I haven't seen some of them for a while! I haven't done any testing, just started w/Clearblue Ovulation Test kits. The cheaper ones were hard to read. Any advise???? desperate!
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?how do you girls handle the wait? We have been trying for probably a year or more. I am 37, and I always wanted to have my kids by 30. I have a little boy, but would love to have another one, but the wait is killing me. Having told other people didn't help. Everyone keeps asking if we are pregnant, and of course the answer is NO. I don't want them to keep asking, but that's the first thing they ask when I haven't seen some of them for a while! I haven't done any testing, just started w/Clearblue Ovulation Test kits. The cheaper ones were hard to read. Any advise???? desperate!
rickelle82 replied to ODS_Twig's response:
I have a very similar situation, been TTC for 2 1/2 years. Docs keep telling us "everything looks great keep it up... Been on Clomid for 9 months and have gone through 3 IUIs... no luck for us yet! I've been very upbeat and positive (except the one fday when AF first arrives). But I'm at the point where it's starting to get difficult to deal with...
I wish you the best of luck!
I wish you the best of luck!
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I have a very similar situation, been TTC for 2 1/2 years. Docs keep telling us "everything looks great keep it up... Been on Clomid for 9 months and have gone through 3 IUIs... no luck for us yet! I've been very upbeat and positive (except the one fday when AF first arrives). But I'm at the point where it's starting to get difficult to deal with...<br />I wish you the best of luck!
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