How do you deal with disappointment?
Yvette Smith, MD, MPH posted:
No one expects to have problems trying to conceive. After being told to avoid unintended pregnancies, it's hard to imagine that getting pregnant would actually be "work". When you're trying to have a baby, seeing your period again suddenly becomes disappointing. So what can you do to manage the disappointment?
First, keep in mind that the natural conception rate is about 25% in fertile couples having spontaneous, untimed intercourse. That number -- indicating a 1 in 4 chance of pregnancy -- can seem high when you don't want to be pregnant. However, when you're ready to be pregnant, that ratio can seem very low. Although we can be realistic about the numbers, our hearts still ache when we aren't immediately successful. If it's your first few months of trying, the right answer might be to just breathe. Learn to pause and adjust your expectations.
It may get harder and harder to remain upbeat and optimistic as the months pass by. So then what? Seek support. Support can come in many forms, such as an online support group, a very good friend, your religious affiliation, or your partner. We all have to identify what works best for us. Some women turn to exercise or other hobbies and activities that can serve as a creative or healthy outlet for frustration. Staying active and positive helps put negative energy in its proper place.
Being informed is also helpful. Try to become as educated about pregnancy and conception as possible. Knowing your options can be a great comfort.
What emotions have you experienced as you've tried to conceive? Do you have any tips for controlling or handling those feelings?
First, keep in mind that the natural conception rate is about 25% in fertile couples having spontaneous, untimed intercourse. That number -- indicating a 1 in 4 chance of pregnancy -- can seem high when you don't want to be pregnant. However, when you're ready to be pregnant, that ratio can seem very low. Although we can be realistic about the numbers, our hearts still ache when we aren't immediately successful. If it's your first few months of trying, the right answer might be to just breathe. Learn to pause and adjust your expectations.
It may get harder and harder to remain upbeat and optimistic as the months pass by. So then what? Seek support. Support can come in many forms, such as an online support group, a very good friend, your religious affiliation, or your partner. We all have to identify what works best for us. Some women turn to exercise or other hobbies and activities that can serve as a creative or healthy outlet for frustration. Staying active and positive helps put negative energy in its proper place.
Being informed is also helpful. Try to become as educated about pregnancy and conception as possible. Knowing your options can be a great comfort.
What emotions have you experienced as you've tried to conceive? Do you have any tips for controlling or handling those feelings?
52 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?No one expects to have problems trying to conceive. After being told to avoid unintended pregnancies, it's hard to imagine that getting pregnant would actually be "work". When you're trying to have a baby, seeing your period again suddenly becomes disappointing. So what can you do to manage the disappointment?<br /> <br />First, keep in mind that the natural conception rate is about 25% in fertile couples having spontaneous, untimed intercourse. That number -- indicating a 1 in 4 chance of pregnancy -- can seem high when you don't want to be pregnant. However, when you're ready to be pregnant, that ratio can seem very low. Although we can be realistic about the numbers, our hearts still ache when we aren't immediately successful. If it's your first few months of trying, the right answer might be to just breathe. Learn to pause and adjust your expectations.<br /> <br />It may get harder and harder to remain upbeat and optimistic as the months pass by. So then what? Seek support. Support can come in many forms, such as an online support group, a very good friend, your religious affiliation, or your partner. We all have to identify what works best for us. Some women turn to exercise or other hobbies and activities that can serve as a creative or healthy outlet for frustration. Staying active and positive helps put negative energy in its proper place.<br /> <br />Being informed is also helpful. Try to become as educated about pregnancy and conception as possible. Knowing your options can be a great comfort.<br /> <br />What emotions have you experienced as you've tried to conceive? Do you have any tips for controlling or handling those feelings?
Jackilynn95 responded:
I'm 33 and my husband is 45, we've been TTC for 8 months and each month it is a little more difficult to remain positive. We have a 14 yr old daughter from his previous marriage and I'm very blessed to have her in my life but I still long for a baby of my own. I tried for 7 years to concieve with my first husband but my cycle was never regular and it never happened. After getting my insulin in check with the help of metformin my cycles have become very predictable, however, still no conception. Today was very difficult because after once again starting my period this morning, a co-worker announced that she is going to have her second child. I'm very happy for her but still it hurts to feel like you keep getting passed over. I have a strong faith in God and I trust in His plan for my life but I just really struggling today. My best advice for dealing with these feelings is to pray and to talk to someone you can confide in.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I'm 33 and my husband is 45, we've been TTC for 8 months and each month it is a little more difficult to remain positive. We have a 14 yr old daughter from his previous marriage and I'm very blessed to have her in my life but I still long for a baby of my own. I tried for 7 years to concieve with my first husband but my cycle was never regular and it never happened. After getting my insulin in check with the help of metformin my cycles have become very predictable, however, still no conception. Today was very difficult because after once again starting my period this morning, a co-worker announced that she is going to have her second child. I'm very happy for her but still it hurts to feel like you keep getting passed over. I have a strong faith in God and I trust in His plan for my life but I just really struggling today. My best advice for dealing with these feelings is to pray and to talk to someone you can confide in.
I am right there with you. I have been trying for almost two years and I am 38 (turning 39 this year). All test are good....but God has not intervened yet. Last month my husband and I really got into it (stress was getting to both of us) he said those words that i have become to HATE! I've heard it from everyone but for it to pass through his lips I just threw my hands up. "If we quit trying so hard it will happen". So, I officially threw in the ovulation testers...LOL. I told him if he wanted to track anything be my guest but from that point on I quit and will not "worry" anymore (which we all know is a lie). And of course, he hasn't tracked a thing...typical man.
So from now we will pray that God has His hand in it and His Will....will be done.
Good Luck and God Bless to all!
So from now we will pray that God has His hand in it and His Will....will be done.
Good Luck and God Bless to all!
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I am right there with you. I have been trying for almost two years and I am 38 (turning 39 this year). All test are good....but God has not intervened yet. Last month my husband and I really got into it (stress was getting to both of us) he said those words that i have become to HATE! I've heard it from everyone but for it to pass through his lips I just threw my hands up. "If we quit trying so hard it will happen". So, I officially threw in the ovulation testers...LOL. I told him if he wanted to track anything be my guest but from that point on I quit and will not "worry" anymore (which we all know is a lie). And of course, he hasn't tracked a thing...typical man. <br /> <br />So from now we will pray that God has His hand in it and His Will....will be done.<br /> <br />Good Luck and God Bless to all!
Shilpa09 responded:
I have been TTC since June 2009 -- that makes it almost 2 years. The first few months were the worst. I cried and howled; went into a shell; became a loner. Went to an infertility specialist in Feb last year but because he recommended a laparoscopy (an invasive surgery), hubby and I decided to wait and try some more.When nothing happened, we went back to him again last Dec. I have been taking Decapeptyl inj daily since Feb 10 of this year. God knows how long this will continue.
Sometimes I feel hopeful that things will be fine and that we WILL have a baby. At other times that optimism slips away and I find myself wilting again. The worst thing is dealing with my yo-yo-ing emotions. I have tried meditating, chanting, praying...
Sometimes I feel hopeful that things will be fine and that we WILL have a baby. At other times that optimism slips away and I find myself wilting again. The worst thing is dealing with my yo-yo-ing emotions. I have tried meditating, chanting, praying...
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I have been TTC since June 2009 -- that makes it almost 2 years. The first few months were the worst. I cried and howled; went into a shell; became a loner. Went to an infertility specialist in Feb last year but because he recommended a laparoscopy (an invasive surgery), hubby and I decided to wait and try some more.When nothing happened, we went back to him again last Dec. I have been taking Decapeptyl inj daily since Feb 10 of this year. God knows how long this will continue.<br />Sometimes I feel hopeful that things will be fine and that we WILL have a baby. At other times that optimism slips away and I find myself wilting again. The worst thing is dealing with my yo-yo-ing emotions. I have tried meditating, chanting, praying...
Pitufis responded:
I just read the above article and it is harder to be optimistic as the months go by and nothing happens. I have been off BC for about 10 months, and at the begining my husband and I were not "actively" trying to get pregnant, we figured it will happen when it happens, but as the months went by and nothing. I began to wonder should I do something about it? So I'm trying to read all I can about TTC, and hopefully we will get a wonderful surprise soon.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I just read the above article and it is harder to be optimistic as the months go by and nothing happens. I have been off BC for about 10 months, and at the begining my husband and I were not "actively" trying to get pregnant, we figured it will happen when it happens, but as the months went by and nothing. I began to wonder should I do something about it? So I'm trying to read all I can about TTC, and hopefully we will get a wonderful surprise soon.
trinionboard responded:
Last year spring i was pregnant and for the first time ,am 39 yrs of age so myself and my partner were quite happy i was 15 wks when i lost my baby.Talk about heart broken and extremly painfull.
Still get email about the baby age and whatthe baby is supposed to do at this age .
We are trying again and as you said our hearts can ache as were not immediately successful.
I am so emotional at times whenever i talk about pain about losing our baby am saddend because this is something we both wanted and still do am scared because am older now by 8mths now .
Bottom line i hope monthlynot to see my menses securing my pregnancy and assuring me that i can indeed have a baby
Till then i'll remain watchful
Hopeful Mama
Still get email about the baby age and whatthe baby is supposed to do at this age .
We are trying again and as you said our hearts can ache as were not immediately successful.
I am so emotional at times whenever i talk about pain about losing our baby am saddend because this is something we both wanted and still do am scared because am older now by 8mths now .
Bottom line i hope monthlynot to see my menses securing my pregnancy and assuring me that i can indeed have a baby
Till then i'll remain watchful
Hopeful Mama
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?Last year spring i was pregnant and for the first time ,am 39 yrs of age so myself and my partner were quite happy i was 15 wks when i lost my baby.Talk about heart broken and extremly painfull.<br />Still get email about the baby age and whatthe baby is supposed to do at this age .<br />We are trying again and as you said our hearts can ache as were not immediately successful.<br />I am so emotional at times whenever i talk about pain about losing our baby am saddend because this is something we both wanted and still do am scared because am older now by 8mths now .<br />Bottom line i hope monthlynot to see my menses securing my pregnancy and assuring me that i can indeed have a baby<br />Till then i'll remain watchful<br />Hopeful Mama
it's funny how you said you're not being rewarded for the pain you're going thru.. that's how i feel too! wv been trying for 3 months and after all the "work" it's still not happening..
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?it's funny how you said you're not being rewarded for the pain you're going thru.. that's how i feel too! wv been trying for 3 months and after all the "work" it's still not happening..
ellisfan replied to kristakirwin's response:
So true..let's do our best (LOL) and God will do the rest.
My husband and I have only been trying for 3 months now but it feels like forever! Thanks for sharing your thoughts though. I've been praying to God to be humble as well.. to accept God's will and be patient in this TTC journey.
My husband and I have only been trying for 3 months now but it feels like forever! Thanks for sharing your thoughts though. I've been praying to God to be humble as well.. to accept God's will and be patient in this TTC journey.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?So true..let's do our best (LOL) and God will do the rest.<br />My husband and I have only been trying for 3 months now but it feels like forever! Thanks for sharing your thoughts though. I've been praying to God to be humble as well.. to accept God's will and be patient in this TTC journey.
yep.. it's so easy for us and other people to say not to be stressed about it..but just saying it is already causing stress! lol.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?yep.. it's so easy for us and other people to say not to be stressed about it..but just saying it is already causing stress! lol.
ellisfan replied to trinionboard's response:
I'm sorry for your loss! I have been in the same wagon 2 years ago and the pain has attached to me until lately when I was able to finally forgive myself and let go of the guilt..of feeling responsible for it.
I wish you well in your TTC.
I wish you well in your TTC.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I'm sorry for your loss! I have been in the same wagon 2 years ago and the pain has attached to me until lately when I was able to finally forgive myself and let go of the guilt..of feeling responsible for it.<br /><br />I wish you well in your TTC.
Esha15 replied to pattycakes3000's response:
I REALLY FEEL WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM. I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CONCEIVE FOR LIKE FIVE MONTHS NOW AND EVERYTIME I TAKE A TEST AND IT COMES BACK NEGATIVE MY HEART HURTS. NEVER WOULD I HAVE THOUGHT THAT I WORLD HAVE TROBLE CONCEIVING. BUT LIKE YOU SAID WHEN GOD IS READY HE WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN. BEST WISHES TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I REALLY FEEL WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM. I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CONCEIVE FOR LIKE FIVE MONTHS NOW AND EVERYTIME I TAKE A TEST AND IT COMES BACK NEGATIVE MY HEART HURTS. NEVER WOULD I HAVE THOUGHT THAT I WORLD HAVE TROBLE CONCEIVING. BUT LIKE YOU SAID WHEN GOD IS READY HE WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN. BEST WISHES TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
I swear, reading these responses is like reading my own thoughts. We have been actively trying for the better part of 18 months and have had nothing happen. Like other people here, I haven't told too many people outside of close friends who have gone through similar issues as us b/c I don't want to hear the dreaded, "Relax...it'll happen when you least expect it." I just want to tell them to shut up! 
However, last night we had our first meeting with a fertility specialist and I feel cautiously optimistic today. Our tests are good so she thinks the proper route for us is IUI, starting next month. I'm willing to give it a try and hope for the best. Until then, we're going to try it the old fashioned way for 1 more month and have some fun with it. Good luck to everyone!
However, last night we had our first meeting with a fertility specialist and I feel cautiously optimistic today. Our tests are good so she thinks the proper route for us is IUI, starting next month. I'm willing to give it a try and hope for the best. Until then, we're going to try it the old fashioned way for 1 more month and have some fun with it. Good luck to everyone!Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I swear, reading these responses is like reading my own thoughts. We have been actively trying for the better part of 18 months and have had nothing happen. Like other people here, I haven't told too many people outside of close friends who have gone through similar issues as us b/c I don't want to hear the dreaded, "Relax...it'll happen when you least expect it." I just want to tell them to shut up! <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/smile.gif" align="top" border="0"> However, last night we had our first meeting with a fertility specialist and I feel cautiously optimistic today. Our tests are good so she thinks the proper route for us is IUI, starting next month. I'm willing to give it a try and hope for the best. Until then, we're going to try it the old fashioned way for 1 more month and have some fun with it. <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/smile.gif" align="top" border="0"> Good luck to everyone!
Riley2010 responded:
My husband and I have been trying for 2 1/2 yrs with onechemical preg and one mc at 9wks. Tried clomid 3x tried Fertil aid seems nothing works. Im tired of dr appt bc they said everything seems fine just wait but I have other children that I concieved during cycle 1. I tried hobbies, exercising, working longer hrs but every mth im so disappointed. My husband tries so hard but it doesnt stop my pain. This is my first time reaching out.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?My husband and I have been trying for 2 1/2 yrs with onechemical preg and one mc at 9wks. Tried clomid 3x tried Fertil aid seems nothing works. Im tired of dr appt bc they said everything seems fine just wait but I have other children that I concieved during cycle 1. I tried hobbies, exercising, working longer hrs but every mth im so disappointed. My husband tries so hard but it doesnt stop my pain. This is my first time reaching out.
I really understand you. I try to trick myself and say I dont want a baby Lol a big fat lie. I feel so alone. My friends are having babies and im happy for them but sad for me.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?I really understand you. I try to trick myself and say I dont want a baby Lol a big fat lie. I feel so alone. My friends are having babies and im happy for them but sad for me.
vesh76 responded:
this last month has been terrible, since my periods never came in April, i was crossing my fingers hoping to do a preggie test soon, my nipples were paining and i took it as a sign for a BFP..just when i was beggining to delight at my fantasy, my periods showed up...i couldnt stop wailing, ive been feeling so low about this...but keeping hope up and asking God to bless us.
Report This| Share this:How do you deal with disappointment?this last month has been terrible, since my periods never came in April, i was crossing my fingers hoping to do a preggie test soon, my nipples were paining and i took it as a sign for a BFP..just when i was beggining to delight at my fantasy, my periods showed up...i couldnt stop wailing, ive been feeling so low about this...but keeping hope up and asking God to bless us.
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