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Coping with another failed cycle "Unexplained Infertility"
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lruppert posted:
Looking for some words of encouragement. 20 months of unsuccessful attempts after successful vasectomy reversal. All of the tests done, no sign of any problems. His counts and morphology are good. Letrozole for 2 cycles (yuck) and Clomid for a few cycles. Paired with OPK's and followed with 4 IUI attempts. Prometrium suppositories this time. BFN this AM at 16dpo, no money for another try yet, guess we are back to natural attempts. I can't help but feel discouraged. No explanations. I dont' have $15K+ for IVF right now although DR says im a good candidate. So tired of "just relax and it'll happen", "leave it in God's hands", "just go on vacation and it'll happen . . . . that's what my cousin/sister/friend did."

No one seems to understand this pain and heartacke. I try to have a positive attitude and understand that stress may be a culprit but I'm not capable of "letting go and relaxing." Dont want to torture my husband anymore but i'm not sure where to go from here.
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Yvette Smith, MD, MPH responded:
I am so sorry you're having to go through all of this. It is frustrating. I can only assume people mean well when they tell us to "just relax" but it stings after awhile.

Who of us really thought we would have to struggle to have children? It was just supposed to happen right? After all that time trying to avoid pregnancy........

Find your support group (maybe us?). You need someplace to vent, someplace where they get it. Some women work with counselors who specialize in fertility issues. There is even a national organization (RESOLVE) that is available to people who are having fertiltiy issue or who have experienced the loss of pregnacies or stillbirths.

Despite how it feels, you are not alone.
 
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FrenchBulldogMom responded:
When people say to just relax and let it happen, I get really mad. They wouldn't say that to someone with any other medical problem. Infertility is a medical condition and needs treatment- not blind trying.

We just finished our first IUI attempt with a BFN. We also don't have the money for IVF and this also burns me up because our state doesn't require insurance to cover fertility treatments. It's not fair that people in a few select states can afford to have a baby while most of us can't.
 
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Yvette Smith, MD, MPH replied to FrenchBulldogMom's response:
How about being asked "So when are you guys going to have kids?". That's a wonderful question when your period just showed up again! So let's hear it! I would like to see a list of the least helpful comments and questions we have to tolerate when we're trying to conceive. We can have a group chuckle as we reixe how truely universal this experience is.
 
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FrmGirl replied to Yvette Smith, MD, MPH's response:
Yeah...those comments are wonderful. Blah! I like what someone said on one of these boards (I don't remember which one) "why do people think they have to vomit their expressions on to us?" LOL! People always told me just to relax and it would happen. Apparently not. We adopted our son and people then said "You know what's going to happen now??? You'll pop up pregnant!" Again, apparently not. I always wanted to ask them how they got the direct line to God about my life that I didn't have and I would really like to have it!!
 
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lruppert replied to FrmGirl's response:
My favorite is "you know what you should do?" as I wait for their advice in breathless anticipation . . . . "my cousin/sister/friend/Mom/auntie from a second marriage/any relation you choose, did BLAH BLAH BLAH (insert your own helpful advice here such as: egg whites for cervical mucus, Robitussin, legs in the air, go on vacation, go to church more, stop thinking about it, hang upside down after sex, join a support group, paint the baby's room, buy a crib/car seat, etc"

Love that becuase it worked for your family/friend it'll totally work for me. I know they are trying to be helpful but its the people who have kids and have no idea the pain that infertility causes that suggest silly things like I haven't tried everything possible to get pregnant.

UPDATE: I scheduled an appt at an acupuncturist/nutritional counselor that specializes in fertility and she sounded optomistic that she could at least help me with managing stress, which would be a bonus even if it doesn't result in a baby.
 
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babycrazy24 replied to lruppert's response:
I feel like an idiot for wanting to reply because my husband and I haven't been trying as long as some of you, but I felt compelled to do so. I get it...everything you guys are saying. I'm so sick of being told to relax and it will happen when it's meant to happen. I just got the results of my blood work back today and found out that I'm not ovulating. It was quite a disappointment because I thought for sure that I was pregnant this time. I swear it seems like everywhere I look everyone around me is pregnant and I'm so tired of being asked to be the god-mother to someone's child. I love my god-children, but I want a child of my own.
 
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Yvette Smith, MD, MPH replied to lruppert's response:
What a great idea. The stress can be overwhelming. Good for you for reaching out.
 
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Yvette Smith, MD, MPH replied to babycrazy24's response:
If nothing else, this community gives you a safe place to say it outloud. Yes, you love your god-children, but I want my own child. It's like being a bridesmaid over and over again. Yes, we're happy for our friends, but where's our "happily ever after"

It has to be healthy to have a place to vent a little! We may not have brand new answers for you, but we sure understand the question and the feelings.
 
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Karyn39 responded:
I'm really sorry to hear about your frustration. I can relate. I decided a year ago that I was not going to let circumstance prevent me from going after what I want. I was in a ltr with a man that promised me a family but could not make a commitment so I made the painful decision of walking away so I could find someone that wanted it as badly as I. Well, I'm almost 40 and have not found "him" yet so I decided to attempt pregnancy with IUI and donor sperm. So far, I've had 2 failed attempts with my midwife that I've had for 8 years. She insisted on 3 all natural cycles without even checking my hormone levels, hsg , monitoring, etc. I fought with a patient advocate to get $ back. I then went to a fertility clinic. She put me on 5 days of chlomid and 3 days of injectable bravelle. I superovulated and was faced with the decision to move forward and risk triplets or cancel the cycle. I had to make the difficult choice in 12 hours. I took the risk. The fear, the sadness, the ups the downs of another 2 week wait. Then , another negative. I have no fertility issues other than age. You get all excited, then heartbroken. Then you find a way to gather up the strength to do it again, then heartache again. I have high anxiety to begin with . Add that to these drugs and I'm like the Exorcist! It's so ard and I completely understand. My Dr. also told me that IVF was my best bet. I can't afford it either. It's so unfair. And yes, I hate hearing " relax...etc. etc. " that's not helpful. What do you do to take your mind off of it? Running, yoga, anything that you like to do for stress relief?


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