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trying to come to an agreement
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spitfiretink posted:
Here's my situation: We are recently married, but I have always wanted children. We finally sat down and had a serious, heart-to-heart conversation about having kids. He said that no one is ever truly "ready" for baby and that he would prefer to not plan it and if it happens, he will be extremely happy, rather than trying and trying and may be disappointed. I agree with him to an extent. I have had a miscarriage in my past, so up until i actually miscarried, i had prepared myself mentally and emotionally for having a child. That feeling has not gone away.

so here's the conclusion: I just started a new month of birth control (pill), so we agreed that i will finish this pack, and then will decided whether to refill my prescription or go off of birth control. I am in my last semester of college, so if it happens, it won't put a damper on school. We own a house, and we both are financially stable.

but here's the problem: He would rather just wing it and if it happens, it happens. I, on the other hand, have baby on the brain BIG TIME now!!! lol

QUESTION: Would it be a good idea or bad idea to plan out our sex around when i'm fertile/ovulating with hopes of conceiving? I don't want to feel guilty for in my own way "planning" to get pregnant. But i am not sure I want to discuss TTC details with him (fertile days, planning sex around those days, etc.) for fear of him freaking out and changing his mind about "winging it"
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DUKE MEDICINE
David K Walmer, MD, PhD responded:
You are in luck! Humans are not designed to have to pay attention to when they have intercourse. Testosterone dictates the ideal reproductive strategy in both men and women. Men's testosterone is up all of the time so their brains are telling them to keep the pipes clean. Men have to move the old sperm out of the way at least once a week or so so that young healthy sperm are always available. Women have a 3-5 day fertile window leading up ovulation, which is best predicted by knowing when your next menstrual period should start. Ovulation, marked by the urine LH surge, occurs around 14 days before your next menstrual period starts. Therefore, your fertile window should be 17-19 days before your next menstrual period. All of this assumes that you are relatively young (& you sound like you are), you are having regular predictable cycles (& you will know when you stop taking the birth control pills) and there is no unforeseen problem, which is a reasonable way to start. Winging it sounds like stopping the birth control pills to me. If you aren't having regular cycles that in itself is a reason for you to go to see your gynecologist. You don't have to tell your husband anything about timing, just seduce him at the right time of the month once or twice. He will probably love you for it. The ideal strategy for him is to ejaculate once within a week of your fertile window and then once in the window preferable towards the end since the window can vary from 3-5 days. The reason that the window is so wide is that the cervix is a reservoir that nurtures sperm and releases them slowly for days after intercourse. You don't have to time it perfectly. Wish I could be there when you tell him, surprise honey we're pregnant! Good luck and have fun!
 
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spitfiretink replied to David K Walmer, MD, PhD's response:
Thank you! coming from a man, that makes me feel a lot better knowing that he doesnt care about the timing. He will enjoy it regardless. I think i will enjoy it more if im not constantly trying to time it out perfectly. Once again, thanks a bunch!


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