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my pain causing tension with husband
An_243631 posted:

I need some help or advice on how to deal with my frustration of balancing my limitations of what I can do at home and not causing issues with my husband/marriage. I want to start off by saying that my husband understands I'm sick and does not deny that fact however it's the subtle remarks or hints that I think he is making that may insinuate that he thinks I'm being lazy when I don't have the energy to clean, I'm just plain tired, or I'm in pain (I work a 40/hour week). I really try because I don't want to cause tension between us but then I get resentful because I am basically pushing myself to my limit at times to get cleaning just so I don't have to get THAT look of disappointment. Although I love the Spoon Theory, my husband did not really have much to say about it after he read it. He has been hurting, himself (possibly psoriatic arthritis) from what I understand and instead of being empathetic to my limitations, he basically throws it in my face that he "keeps going" regardless of his pain. But everyone is different, and I don't think he gets that.

I know he loves me and that's not a question about that. I just need some help sometimes (he does help but doesn't do as much as he expects me to do - he comes from an old fashioned "wife does all the work" family. I would love to do that if I could if my body wasn't screaming. So I just need to know how to get the help which I haven't been successful with and truly getting him to understand what I go through (I believe since I really don't complain about my symptoms very much - he may not believe that they are that bad and possibly just thinks I'm being lazy)

Please help!
gringa1 responded:
Hi An, I really sympathy with you, I too come from a background of the doing everything.
about 3yrs. ago I was diagnosed with lupus, fibro,epstein barr virus and now osteoarthritis. I work 38hrs.a week, I come home too tired to do anything. As much as possible I try to make dinner, if not it's fast food
My husband works nights, so I least have something for him to eat.
I know have my 2 kids clean and get more involved.
Your husband will eventually accept the fact that you can only do so much. Please don't push yourself, if you do your health only gets worse, I'm telling you from experience.
I just turned 48, I've been married for 26yrs., my husband came to terms with my illness and so will yours.
When things get bad for me, I tell myself" it is what it is", deal with what you have.
I wish you well, and above all keep God in everything you do, He won't give up on you!

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