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    What to do when a partner is not supportive
    An_252157 posted:
    I'm 45 was diagnosed 4 years ago with Lupus, Hashimoto's (hypothyroid disorder), Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis in my back and knees. I was always a very active person, professional Interior Designer/ salesperson, singer, dancer and just loved to be active. I moved with my job at 38 and began working very long hours and basically overworked myself. Within a year, my body broke. Apparently, it was already broken, I just pushed it to the edge. I couldn't walk, fell at work often and became a wreck. One day, it felt like I was having a heart attach and had to go to urgent care. They did an EKG and decided that I was ok. Finally, I went to my regular doctor who was able to combine all of my issues and sent me to a arthritis specialist. I had to learn how to walk and balance my body again, thru therapy and various exercises. The rest is history. Now,
    4 years later, I have decided that the best course of action for my disease is to open a business with a male partner (whom I've worked with for years) so that I can have somewhat of control over my career.
    My partner approached me with a partnership 6 months ago. I sat him down and told him what I have and how it can affect me day to day, that I have to pace myself and work off of lots of lists...the fog! I also gave him the option to think about, talk about it and back out. He said he was absolutely sure that this is the best thing to do. Anyways, since I felt that I've finally learned to manage the medications, the sleep, the pain (which is always between 7-10) and all the things that go with the disease, I accepted. However, the midst of our finally opening this business, I've had a flare. The worst I've ever had. Hives, exhaustion, depression, swolleness and lots of pain. And, he is completely unsupportive and has accused me of not being available for the business. He actually has said that he questions my commitment level and told me not to come back until I am willing to put in the time.
    I've been so open and honest about this. How do I get past this? I need some advice, because I have invested so much money, time and energy into this for someone to be so uncaring....what do I do?
    lisatru62 responded:
    Unfortunately, you're going to have to work through this with your business partner. Keep the lines of communication open and don't close yourself off. Chances are all the stress of getting this business off the ground has caused the flare. Stress is particularly bad for causing flares.

    People love to say they are supportive but when it comes down to actually inconveniencing themselves to help you out it is shocking how unsupportive they become.

    My family, while saying they are supportive have offered no real help and yet they still come to me when they need help. Go figure. You may feel like a broken record always having to repeat yourself and explain exactly what is going on but you have to keep working at it. Hopefully he will get it eventually and if not at least you know his true colors.

    Keep on keeping on.

    ViviaJB replied to lisatru62's response:

    Thank you so much...This did make me feel better. We discussed it again and in length and I gave him information for him to look up. We have decided to create a schedule where we are sharing time inside the shop so I can have days off to do the things I can do to take care of myself again...water aerobics, tai chi, etc. The most important thing is he apologized. He is a very smart person and can be very caring, so this situation really took me for a loop.

    Afterward, I've realized just how I'm blessed that I do have support in family and friends who saw me as a go-go-go person, to literally unable to get out of bed. They've seen me persevere and relearn how to balance myself, walk without a cane, and pace myself so I can redevelop my career, my personal life. For this I thank everyone and tell them how important they are to me all the time.

    Thank you for your caring response. This is a great forum to be a part of...and I'm glad to have found it.
    lisatru62 replied to ViviaJB's response:
    You're so welcome. I'm glad things are working out. Having lupus can be tough and trying to get people to understand this misunderstood disease can be tougher.

    It's hard to carry on when you've always been the one everyone relies upon. I know, I was always the go to person for both my family and my husband's family. It takes a lot of explaining as to why you can't keep going or need a break.

    Hang in there and know the support group is here.

    4ntate replied to lisatru62's response:
    Hello new friends I'm new to this. Was recently diagnosed with lupus a week ago. Went and had blood drawn today 2 see 2 what degree. With a nonsupportive husband a 10yrd and a 15yr old I feel so lost and lonely. As I try to work everyday as a cook in a childcare facility it grows harder everyday to get out of bed as if nothing is wrong. Can't lose my job who will care for me an my 2 girls? So much to consider need food for thought.

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