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    Lupus and Intimacy
    An_253098 posted:
    Does anyone have any advice for maintaining a sexual relationship? My girlfriend always wants to have sex but it is a struggle for me because of joint pain and fatigue. I keep finding myself hoping that she'll get tired and just want to snuggle, or thinking along the lines of 'we just had sex last night, can't we have a few days off?' But whenever I do say that i'm not feeling up to sex she feels like i don't want her and am rejecting her. I really want to be able to enjoy my time with her instead of feeling like sex is an obligation, but for me it hurts more than it feels good, while at the same time I don't want to be unfair to her by not being willing to engage on that level. Does anyone else have this issue and have any advice on how to talk to a partner about the physical aspects of the relationship? Thanks!
    LuluWhit responded:
    Oh I have some advice. Just talk to her. The best way to assure her that it's not her -- is to talk to her. Most women enjoy the intimacy of sharing things. Believe me -- i hate to admit this but I think you are in need of some support so I will just spill it -- I'm a really sexual person. My husband was literally worn out when we first met. lol I didn't have Lupus at that point, but he got used to having it more often. So after Lupus started I wasn't in the mood as much. His feelings really got hurt bc I didn't tell him why I wasn't in the mood. I guess I just was too embarrassed. As soon as I bit the bullet and just told him things got better. Mostly, he was extremely relieved and so glad to know that it wasn't him. He and I came to an understanding and it has really helped. Tell her that you think that yall have something very special and you want to talk to her about it so that it won't become a big deal. That you normally wouldn't share this with someone, but you think that she's different and you can share things like that with her. Also, one thing I learned is to just try. Sometimes we forget how much fun it is until it's actually happening. lol I am guilty of that. You know? I will avoid it and I have the SAME thoughts that you were having about a few days off. But sometimes I just ignore myself and get into it and I'm glad that I did. It doesn't have to be this LONG drawn out sex, a well timed quickie has a lot of promise.

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