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advice needed
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jghernandez posted:
I have an issue that I have been dealing with for a few days now. I was hoping to get some advice or input on what others would do.
I am married, have been for 3 years. I am 36 my wife is 24. We have a great sex life, she has a high libido and loves to try everything. She is beautiful, to me, and I think to many men as well. She is 5'7", very fit, fake boobs (32D), just a gorgeous woman.
About a month ago we had my guy friends over to watch some baseball. She made snacks, brought out beer all night, dressed very sexy (which isn't unusual for her). Well, we were all drunk and talking about chicks and tits and what we liked. I said, in a drunken stuper, hey honey show the guys what I bought you. She stands in front of the tv, unbuttons her top and takes it off, for the rest of the night. That's how she served snacks, drinks...everything.
She asks if they can touch them, I say sure honey. Show them what I get every night! So the rest of the night my friends are squeezing them, sucking them, etc. She loved it.
I sober up, appoligize and tell her I won't ask her to do that again. She says she loved doing it and she likes to see me being so happy that my friends are jealous.

So, 3 days a week by buddies and I go to my house for lunch. Have been doing this for over a year now. Wife makes us lunch and we sit and visit with her. They don't grope her after that night but they do get hard while they are there. Wife & I talked about that the other night. We throw around the idea of having her for lunch one day. She says she would love to do that! She says it can only be me and the 2 buddies that come to lunch. Nobody else can start doing it with us. Yesterday she shows me this shirts she bought for the "lunch". It is a see through half shirt that ties around her tits, very tight. Came with a matching thong. She is ready. Wants it for tomorrow.

What do you guys think? Am I opeining up a can of worms that I am not going to want later?
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jghernandez responded:
I should probably add that part of my hesitation of not doing it is that I am worried that if this is something that she really wants and I don't give it to her, she may start getting unhappy & resentful. We have additional partners often. At least once a week. Most are her freinds and a few have been women that we have met in bars and such. She has no problem with having one or two additional women in our bedroom for me. I can do anything I want to them and she will do anything I want with them. So, to tell her no to this when she gives the other, makes me worried about how she will react. Plus, I will sit and watch her with other women while they do oral to eachother, or while they use her vibrators on each other. what if she wants to watch me do something like that? I am not into that and I know my friends wouldn't be either.
 
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GuardSquealer replied to jghernandez's response:
Personally I think it is a bad idea. Don't know if you went through with it or not. But I don't think I would. I am not necessarily the jealous type, but I think it could lead to problems down the road. And there is the whole std issue. I just don't see where it could lead to anything good. I know I would feel funny being around my buddies after they had sex with me and my wife. And of course what if they try to get some when you aren't around? I guess you have to decide where you draw the line, and how open the relationship is.
 
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GuardSquealer replied to GuardSquealer's response:
And after your friends get it they won't be so jealous will they. They will have had it too. I think letting your friends enter her is just a very bad idea. But if you don't mind getting a divorce in a year or so and looking for another hot wife, go for it.
 
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jghernandez replied to GuardSquealer's response:
I appriciate the advice. You couldn't have been more right in every way. I came home Friday morning to spend time with her before lunch. I still at that point hadn't made up my mind. I came home to her and one of the guys that was at my house for the baseball game. He wasn't even my friend, he was the cousin of one of my friends. So needless to say, it is over.
We do have a relationship where we invite others into our sex life. But it has been stated many time by both of us that it doesn't happen without the other one being there. So, she broke our agreement, cheated and now she is gone.
Maybe that is why I like to have these types of relationships, because after it ends because she is a little slutty, I can forget about caring about her and just find all of the bad so it doesn't hurt as much. Next time I won't include a wedding or a ring, I will try to keep it simple.
Again, I appricaite the advice. you were right on.
 
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GuardSquealer replied to jghernandez's response:
Wow, I am sorry to hear that. I had hoped that maybe it wasn't too late to save your relationship. But I think that would be the end result for most open type of relationships. Well good luck on finding your next hotty. Plenty of them out there.
 
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jghernandez replied to GuardSquealer's response:
Well this "hotty" just kind of fell in my lap (not literally) so I don't think I will be that lucky/unlucky again. Looking back now, I think maybe she was looking for more of a provider that was open to lots of crazy sex then a husband with a fun sex life. O'well, maybe it's the bitterness talking..........
We haven't talked since last week, she has called me but I can't seem to get those really bad names out of my head and I would prefer to not name call when we speak. So, I ignore every call. I don't know what I am feeling but I just don't ever want to see her again. Maybe because it was in my house, on my bed. Don't know, trying to stop caring.
She has created a lot anger in me and after the thought of sleeping with her friends without her there left my mind, I just got really mad/sad/embarassed. Maybe I should have posted weeks ago!
 
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GuardSquealer replied to jghernandez's response:
Well I guess you should evaluate how you really feel about her. Perhaps you could start over with some different expectations. Find out if she is interested in an exclusive relationship with you. Since your boundries were a little criss crossed maybe she really didn't think she was doing anything wrong.

Surely she had slept with men before your relationship and you said you let her as long as you ok'ed them prior to. So at that time it didn't bother you. So now it does bother you. Let her know that and see if she is willing to work with you to just concentrate on yourself.

Just start with a clean slate from here on out. I used to have a problem just thinking about my women having been with any man prior to being with me. So I definitely could never have excepted anything while with me. But as we get older obviously we experience more things and people and it gets harder to find someone that hasn't been with any or many.

I actually married a virgin or at least she was when we started dating. She had been engaged to a man that wanted her to remain a virgin until there wedding night. That didn't work out for him so well. They had done other things but never the actual act. She was actually relieved when we did it. She was tired of waiting. Prior to getting married she was a lot of fun. Once we were married it slowed way down. Led to our demise.

Anyways, my second wife was a bit more experienced and our sex life has been great. I think she was ready to settle down and she realizes what she has.

So maybe you can find it somewhere in your heart to forgive, her indescretion and give it another try? I guess you know if you cared for her enough to want to try things on a different level.
 
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jghernandez replied to GuardSquealer's response:
There is a lot of forgiveness in me and maybe with time, I will forgive her and myself. Looking back I now see how I treated her more like a piece of meat then my wife. I don't know if she feels that way but that is how I am starting to feel. What man drunk or not, lets men grope their wife all night in his own livingroom?
We have had mulitple partners (all female) together and there was intercourse and everything else but it was always my wife, myself and one other woman. This was several other men. You're right, the line of boundries could have been a little cloudy but I do know that she thought she was cheating. She hid it from me, that is a sign that you know it is wrong.
We are going to talk this weekend and get some issues out on the table. I don't know where we will go from here. I don't know if I want to reconcile but I do want to forgive her and take some of the blame. Hopefully she will forgive me as well.
Thank you for all of you support through this situation. It has been nice to talk to someone that doesn't see my wife as a slut and sees that there was a marriage involved in all of this. I appriciate all of the suggestions and support.
 
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GuardSquealer replied to jghernandez's response:
Something to consider. My wife and I were going through a bit of a tough time a few years ago, she suspected me of cheating and I was doing some texting with a co-worker that I shouldn't have been doing.

Like I said when her and I began dating she was a little more experienced than my first wife. And what I mean by that is I knew she slept around. But I was coming out of a marriage where my first wife was a virgin and at first she was a lot of fun, but she started to hold out in the end. So I went after my current wife mainly looking for a good time.

I really didn't think I would wind up with her for a long term relationship from just what I knew about her. But as time went by I fell in love with her for her.

The whole time we have been together I never brought up her past because I used to be more jealous and didn't want to hear. And after twenty years now it doesn't really matter. But during our rough patch we were talking about sex, and she explained that she had been sexually abused by one of her brothers. She had low self esteem and felt that the only way a man would like her is if she slept with him. So that is why she was a "easy". Having not known about her abusive past it cleared somethings up. And I have done much over the years to help her boast her self esteem. Helped her get her degree ect.

Anyways, I am guessing your wife probably has some low self esteem issues. Even though she gave you permission to enjoy other women. I would think that just knowing that you wanted to and had would bring her down. I marriage is between two people and adding that third just mixes things up.

Don't get me wrong, I have always wanted to have a two girl one guy threesome. But I know that it would never fly with my wife. And I wouldn't even ask. It will be one fantasy that I will probably die never have gotten to experience.

Just trying to give you some things to consider. Hopefully things will go well for you when you get together. I know you will never forget what happened. But maybe you can forgive her and move on to the next level of your relationship. And build on love and trust. Even though she did wrong I wouldn't dwell on it. I am sure she is hurting. And will probably lower her self esteem even more.

So good luck.
 
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GuardSquealer responded:
So how did the meeting.
 
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GuardSquealer replied to GuardSquealer's response:
So how did the meeting go?
 
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jghernandez replied to GuardSquealer's response:
I don't know...............

I let her read everything here. She said that she didn't realize the guilt that I felt for everything that had happened. She suggested we get some counceling I agreed. However, she also said that she doesn't want to stop our "lifestyle" in the bedroom and I realized that I feel different now. She is very sorry for cheating, she cries all of the time and she insists that she was so worked up from the events leading to that day that she felt almost out of control.

I don't think I want the other women because I don't want there to be other men. I don't want to share my marriage anymore or my wife. She doesn't think there is or was a problem with the consentual (sp?) things we were doing. She does acknowledge the cheating and that is what she is sorry for. The rest, she wants to continue. She said we can go back to just us and one of her friends but I don't even want that anymore. I don't want something that I won't let her have at some point in the future, it isn't fair.

We will start with some counceling. This entire experience has changed my life and everything that I thought I wanted in my marriage. It hasn't really done that for my wife and that is what scares and bothers me. I will let you know as things progress. THanks for the support again!
 
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GuardSquealer replied to jghernandez's response:
I am glad you are willing to go to counceling with her. Hopefully that experience will open her eyes a little more as far as your relationship goes. Hopefully she will see how you are feeling and be willing to look at things from your point of view. I understand your feelings and see where you are coming from.

When I was younger I always wanted a threesome with two women. But I know now that it would never work. And I love my wife too much to put her in that situation.

It would be troubling if we did do it, and then she didn't want to stop. There is hope for your wife, if you build on your marriage and your relationship as a couple hopefully she will start to feel more like you.

Keep me posted, and good luck.
 
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GuardSquealer replied to jghernandez's response:
Has anything new happened in your relationship with your wife?


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