This is a very common question, to which there is no answer: what is the cause of low sex drive? Is it menopause related or not?? The answer in women is extremely complex. Even the best respected author in this area, Canadian professor Dr. Rosemary Basson, has written that the best enhancer of libido for menopausal women is a new partner!! But that's obviously not a possible answer in most circumstances; but what it does emphasize is that sometimes novelty is a good thing; boredom is a bad thing; many relationships have been ongoing for many years, and that something new in the relationship might help. Most importantly, the couple needs to communicate to each other what each one of them might enjoy to spice things up.
Also, in menopause, many women experience vaginal dryness, making sex uncomfortable. And only an abnormal person would want to have sex if it hurt. So you have to have good vaginal moisture with sex. Some women do fine with a lubricant at the time of sex. Many do better with a long lasting moisturizer. There are over the counter moisturizers like Replens, which you insert vaginally two or three times a week. And if that doesn't supply sufficient vaginal moisture, vaginal estrogens, in the forms of vaginal tablets, creams, or rings are extremely safe and usable by almost all women quite safely. They have never been associated with any type of cancer risk, and can be used on an ongoing basis. You need a prescription for these; so speak with your health care provider.
Now let's say you are communicating great, and your vagina feels quite moist: but you could just care less. There may be some hormonal issues at play; no one knows just what. Theories included estrogen, testosterone and other hormones like DHEA. The major problem with testosterone, which is the most widely discussed, is that there is no current prescription form for women approved in the US by the FDA. But one can get testosterone from a compounding pharmacy, or using a tiny amount of the very concentrated form available for men. (Go to the website of the North American Menopause Society, menopause.org, for a longer discussion of testosterone). But you need to discuss this with your health care provider. There are also some over the counter remedies, like Zestra or Hot Plants for Her. You can go to their websites to read more about them, and again, do discuss this with your health care provider. So there are options out there; but nothing replaces communication in a good relationship.
I agree that communication is the key. My husband and I are going on 14 years of being married. He's frustrated because I'm not interested in having sex. I'm not interested in having sex because we can't have a conversation regardind seriouse issues without it turning into an argument. I can't discuss my feelings and it's taking the wind out of my sail. I feel so disconnected from him. When he comes home from work, he hangs out with his other wife, the television, all night and then think I'm going to be up to being intimate. I need my rest because I'm trying to lose and manage my weight, which means I have to rise early to work out. I'm just at a lost and feel we are going to need counseling to save this marriage. Men just don't get that being intimate goes way beyond just getting in the bed and going at it. Intimacy is shared in a conversation or doing things together and I care not to sit in front of the stupid tube for hours on end.
What if it's your husband that has low libido-low sex drive? He's going through depression related to our health & financial issues. At first he said it was because he was in too much physical pain, but now he says he's depressed. He refuses to seek help for his depression. I suggested relationship counseling but he's not interested. I told him I don't feel like we're a couple anymore, just friends. He emphatically said that we are a couple and I should not think otherwise. He told me that when things turn around in our lives he'll be interested in intimacies again, but couldn't say when that would ever be.
The opinions expressed in WebMD Communities are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. Communities are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service or treatment.
Do not consider Communities as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.