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    tuftime posted:
    Does anyone know of any organization that sponsors a support group for the husbands whose wives are going through menopause? I am not being humorous when I say it is pure hell and at times I think I am living with a demon possessed wife. She used to be a Saint but now all we do is argue over everything and she has become hurtful which is totally out of character. Surely I am not the only husband out there trying to get through this? We have been married for 34 years, and reached the "golden years" but I am not sure how much more I can take. I need help.
    Anon_6061 responded:
    Sorry you and your wife are going through this. I get it. You didn't mention your wife's situation. I'm in surgical menopause and it's been pure hell to put it bluntly! My friends and sisters haven't had hysterectomies and they sailed through menopause. They didn't have any mood swings, irritability, depression, anxiety, loss of interest in life, none of that. The main thing they complained about was interrupted sleep. I've had all of that plus more. I know natural menopause can be difficult for some women but many women I talk to who've had hysterectomies (even if they kept their ovaries) complain of mood swings and irritability.

    This website has info on local support groups or how to start one -
    Another resource - - Click on "Find a Therapy Group" under the "Find a Therapist" drop down at the top of the webpage.

    Hope you can work through this difficult time and support your wife. Thankfully, my husband's been very supportive but I miss our previous strong bond and the person I used to be.
    tuftime replied to Anon_6061's response:
    Thanks for the response and the links. As far as starting a support group; I will have to give that some thought. My initial concern is that without anyone participating who understands the clinical issues we may do more harm than good? My wife's condition is not due to surgery. She has suffered from depression for many years and was diagnosed with major depression and obsessive compulsive disorder about 10 years ago. She has had three different doctors. The last one left the practice over a year ago and due to HIPPA it took a lot of investigative work just to find her current doctor. I am convinced she had not been re-evaluated in over a year and continued to get her subscription without the benefit of a consult. After approaching our pharmacist and asking "why is my wife getting a prescription from a doctor who has not been practicing for over a year" did she see new psychiatrist. Once I found the new psychiatrist she would not talk with me due to HIPPA. I did finally convince my wife to let me accompany her on her last visit. She did not want me to attend and is convinced the menopause and depression are not the cause of our problems. She is convinced I am the problem. She had not told her doctor about her sufferings from menopause. I brought it to the doctor's attention. I feel I am living with an emotional train wreck and not sure how to help her and me get through this.
    Anon_6061 replied to tuftime's response:
    I understand the shortcomings of starting a support group, one being that you may not have anyone interested in joining. If the links I provided don't show any support groups in your area a couple other options are:
    National Alliance for Mental Health (NAMI)

    And there's always individual or couples therapy. Of course, you both have to want to work on the issues or no amount of counseling or community support will help. Best of luck to you!
    tuftime replied to Anon_6061's response:
    Thank you Anon! Knowing someone is out there who will listen and offer suggestions is comforting. I will continue to research support groups and let you know if anything transpires.
    NY1964 replied to tuftime's response:
    Came across this thread on an Internet search after struggling with similar problems with my loving wife of 26 years. Wondering if the writer has any thoughts or advice 4 years later, or how things turned out?
    tuftime replied to NY1964's response:
    NY1964, I hope your situation results in restored love for your wife. Mine ended in divorce when my wife of 36 years left without warning one Monday morning when I left for work. I never found a support group to help me help my wife (and myself). My recommendation is to think of something positive and uplifting to say or do for your wife every day. I know that may be hard but this is the time to put your pride and feelings aside. She is suffering from menopause and we can only image what a woman goes through.It is a difficult time for her and she needs reassurance she is loved and you are the man she fell in love with. Don't tell her you love her, show her you love her. Read Dr. Gary Chapman's book, "The Five Love Languages" and practice showing you that you love her. Physical touch can be very powerful, touch her affectionately, leave her love notes, help her around the house when you come home. Once she is gone, she is NOT coming back. Do everything you can to prevent that and do not think "it cannot happen to me". It can and will unless she feels loved by you. I would have done anything to get my wife back but once she left anything I could have done (and I tried and tried) was too late.

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    For more information, visit the North American Menopause Society website