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Menopause and sex
jin6262 posted:
I am new to this site but am looking for some kind of "immediate" answer to this problem that I am sure many women have. I am menopausal, like past the point where my periods have stopped (3 yrs ago) and I have also moved beyond the hot flashes which I thought would never end but now I am so unable to enjoy sex and I miss that. I have really low libido but for some reason I miss the emotional connection with my partner that I used to enjoy so much only my partner just does not want to understand that due to my extreme vaginal dryness I cannot even enjoy any aspect of sex. I have tried asking for more foreplay like using oral sex and that did not help. My boyfriend has a fear of using any unusual products on his skin, he's a real freak that way so he refuses to let me try any artificial lubricants and he is aware of my problem yet we still want to enjoy sex as we used to, instead he just complains that women are too complicated. I was hoping that maybe there was a supplement that I could take that would help my dryness problem or someone knows of a product that is naturally occurring or organic or whatever that we could use that he would not object to and he is really weird-he even hates to use the tap water on his skin to shower!
mollie12 responded:
You may want to consider seeing a dr. that specializes in age management and hormonal replacements such as bio-identicals and blood tests to evaluate your hormone levels since you mention you are menopausal.
Women also need a certain level of testosterone for sex drive. As for your boy friend. Well, that's an entirely different subject and may need help elsewhere!
Mary Jane Minkin, MD replied to mollie12's response:
Dear Mollie12 and jin6262,
Indeed, there are women who have perfect vaginal tissue who still have no libido. However, I always strongly advise my patients who come in with severe vaginal dryness and low libido to first fix the vaginal dryness. Many of them will then come back saying, "Oh now that sex is totally comfortable my libido is fine." So I would encourage jin6262 to work on the vaginal tissue first; she ultimately may do well with the addition of some testosterone, but the vaginal tissue is the first thing to take care of.
Mary Jane
shoejunkie responded:
There are water based lubricants on the market as well. A water based product should be easy enough for him to tolerate..
An_253368 responded:
You may want to discuss with your doctor about an estrogen vaginal preparation such as Estrace. It does have the side effects of HRT, while still being very effective. I was having UTIs, bleeding, burning and pain after sex, even with lubricates. In addition, I was on testosterone 1mg for low libido. The testosterone helped some, but over time it seemed to have lost its effectiveness. So I stopped using it. Since using Estrace twice a week, I no longer have any pain or bleeding, and have not had any UTIs. Also I produce enough of my own lubrication, that I don't need to use any of those other products. And I noticed that my desire has returned. It truly has been a God sent for those menopausal issues.
headacheagain replied to Mary Jane Minkin, MD's response:
Dr. Minkin,
I agree with your advise but.... I believe Mollie and myself were seeking a product or procedure to eliminate or elieviate the dryness. can you recommend a pill, cream , shot anything it is so very painful that I beg my husband to hurry up and come not a good turn on for him and we use to love have sex!
Mary Jane Minkin, MD replied to headacheagain's response:
Dera headache again,
Alas, there is no procedure that will improve vaginal dryness; I have occasionally seen some advertised, but I would avoid any surgery that advertises that it helps dryness; most can lead to more scarring and more pain. The mainstays of vaginal therapies are vaginal estrogens, in the forms of vaginal tablets, creams and rings; and all can be very effective in increasing vaginal moisture.
Good luck,
Mary Jane
dee22552255 replied to Mary Jane Minkin, MD's response:
Dr. Minkin,
I am interested in these same issues BUT what will help when my whole area down there is so dry (or thin?) that I crack my skin just wiping after urinating or during foreplay. My added issue is I am 4 years out from Triple Negative Breast Cancer so am told I cannot use hormone therapies. Any suggestions to help with these additional issues? Or has anyone following this thread had the same issues and found something to help? Menopause is supposed to be a fun time but this kind of pain is NOT fun.
Thanks for any ideas and/or suggestions.
Singer_bellringer replied to dee22552255's response:
My gym suggested coconut oil for dryness and boy does it help! Doesn't do much for the libido, but the pain is almost gone.
Singer_bellringer responded:
My gym suggested coconut oil for the dryness and it works very well most of the time. Your boyfriend shouldn't flip out over this - it's perfectly natural - and smells good too!

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