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Grieving the loss of my uterus??!
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kellbear posted:
I'm 36 years old and I had a full hysterctomy 8 years ago. I had endometriosis very very bad. I was able to have a child, he is 10 now, but I miscarried many times before. When I first had the surgery I had severe menopause symptoms and also a symptom the doctors never told me about; that I would grieve for the loss of my uterus like I would grieve for the loss of a family member. I am still grieving for the loss of my uterus. I thought I was through menopause but the symptoms keep creeping back into my life. I was on HRT for the first few years but my doctor took me off of them 2 years ago. I take black cohosh but it's not helping with the mood swings and depression. I get so sad when I see my friends because none of them are going through menopause. In fact some of them are having new babies. I want to be happy for them but in my heart it makes me so sad that I will never have another baby. This makes me feel guilty so I put the thoughts out of mind and get up and push through my day. The mood swings are getting worse. I am fatigued all the time, I'm irritable with my wonderful son, I am very insecure about myself. I exercise 3- 5 times a week but it's just a temporary fix. The mood swings always come back. I have been able to lose almost 40 pounds this past year and a half but all I can see are the other 60 pounds I need to lose. I just want to be happy again. Family and friends tell me to be thankful for what I have. I am thankful but these sad feelings won't go away. I am embarrassed I feel this way because my life is not horrible. I have a good life and blessed with so many wonderful people in my life. Does anyone else have these problems and can you suggest anything that will help?
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Anon_6061 responded:
I am sorry for all your suffering! It saddens me to see so many women who have hysterectomies for endometriosis especially since it is not a cure. Hopefully, you have at least gotten relief from the pain of endo.

I also had an (unwarranted) hysterectomy 8 years ago but I was much older than you. It has changed me in every way. The worst symptoms (even with HRT but evidently not enough) were suicidal depression, very poor sleep, scary memory loss, feeling overwhelmed by everything, vision deterioration, and rapid aging (as well as the destruction of my figure even though I have not gained weight). After I got my estrogen levels up, the depression lifted and the other symptoms improved too. I still miss the happy, vibrant, confident and youthful-looking person I was before my organs were needlessly removed.

Why did your doctor take you off HRT? Was he/she concerned about the endo coming back? I have read that taking a progestin or progesterone along with estrogen can make this less likely to happen. If most of your symptoms were not improved with the HRT, maybe you needed to try some other ones. It can take a bit of trial and error to find the one that works best for you.

Again, I am sorry for your losses. My wish is that you find something that makes you more like your old self.
 
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kellbear replied to Anon_6061's response:
Anon_6061,

Thank you so much. It is a comfort knowing I'm not alone. The doctor took me off the HRT because of breast cancer. The HRT was helping me a lot.

The endometriosis was so horrible I had 26 laser laproscopic surgeries, lupron depot shots, lesions on my intestines and the lower part of my lungs and I had about 12 miscarriages. I went through 5 doctors. The doctors told me I would never carry a baby to term. They wanted me to have a hysterctomy when I was in my early 20s. But I said that God would give me a baby and by miracle only, I was able to have a healthy baby boy. It was after I lost my twins in the latter part of my second trimester that I had to have the hysterctomy. I still wish I had not had the surgery. I wanted another baby and still do. I wonder what my life would have been like if I had not had the surgery or if I would have been able to have another baby.

I have the same feelings as you have. The depression, severe mood swings and irritablity are over-whelming. Some days I am just glad to see the day end. Some days I feel hopeless but I know the next day will be better. Usually it is but the emotional roller coaster is always looming below the surface.
 
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Anon_6061 replied to kellbear's response:
Wow - I am so sorry for all you have been through. No one should have to endure that much physical and emotional trauma and grief. I am glad you were able to have one child in spite of it all.

So did you actually have breast cancer or is your doctor concerned that you will get breast cancer?
 
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Mary Jane Minkin, MD replied to Anon_6061's response:
Dear Anon_6061 and kellbear-
You raise good point-was it the actual diagnosis of breast cancer, or concern that you might develop breast cancer? I may have misunderstood-I understood that you had been diagnosed with breast cancer-if indeed it was simply that your health care provider was concerned that you MIGHT develop breast cancer, then you should certainly consider estrogen therapy-I understood you to mean that you had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Please look at the WHI estrogen only arm, published in 2004. The women in that group, who took estrogen only, were an average of 63 years old when they started therapy, and after over 7 years of therapy on estrogen only (they had had hysterectomies) there was no increased risk of breast cancer. and besides that, in both WHI studies there were no women under aged 50-so the WHI data does not apply to women who are put into menopause at your early age. So by all means, if the only reason for your doctor to have told you to stop estrogen therapy for the increased risk of breast cancer, please speak with another health care provider.
Good luck,
Mary Jane
 
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kellbear replied to Anon_6061's response:
I was diagnosed with BC. I just went to my GYN and told her of all my menopausal symptoms and she said there has been new research that women on only estrogen were not at more risk. But research shows that women who are on estrogen AND progestone together are at more risk for BC. Since I don't have a uterus I don't need progestrone. She said that with my symptoms, the benefits outweigh the risks. So she put me on Premarin. It's only been 3 days and I'm feeling better. She said it would take up to 2 1/2 weeks to see results. Hopefully I will feel much better in 2 weeks. Oh, how wonderful when I can just feel normal again!!


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