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I can't handle being alone
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eagleboy7678 posted:
I have lately been having issues with being by myself. I am 22 years old and i have been in college for 4 years now. I have many friends but it is just when i am alone and not with anyone that all my depression and sadness kicks in. When I was little I remember that I could be by myself for hours and not have a care in the world. But until last fall semester, I have been dealing with with reoccurring issue. I used to be a huge gamer and always play games and learn the guitar. I think somehow me loosing my independence is blocking me form doing the activities I once enjoyed and loved to do. I dont have a girlfriend, and alot of times I wish that I did. I dont know what has happen to me or why this is happening to me, or why I feel like this but I hate it. Has anyone ever been like this? And if so, how have you gotten through this? All I want is to regain my independence I live my life like I once did.
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nohard responded:
Hi OK never been to collage, but I think I do know your problem, trying to inter-react why your there and its not your scene, if your happy just doing your own thing, keep with that. Look but I'm from the UK and course fishing was always my thing, you out on your own, most of the time, you have your own thoughts, and its good way to be, if that's what you want from life.
Yes just live your own life your way, some of the guys around may think your a nerd, but its your live and your doing it your way.
But one thing, your happy with just being you.
Good Luck
 
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eagleboy7678 replied to nohard's response:
I believe that is my problem, there are times when I just dont like who i am, I always read that you need to love yourself before u can love anyone, but alot of the time, I just feel like i dont have alot to offer anyone or people just look right past me. And if your wondering yes, I do have a problem with self esteem.
 
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nohard replied to eagleboy7678's response:
Hi But your problem is sexy chat lines and porn, and by doing this makes you a loner, just like me I'm married, which I like, but do enjoy my dog walking on my own.
So does that make me, someone of low esteem or self esteem, I don't think so.
I think your labelling your self, as having a problem with self esteem, your just at heart, a loner.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
Good Luck
 
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eagleboy7678 replied to nohard's response:
I like being with other people the problem for me is when i'm not with other people at the moment. I don't like just being a loner. But lately, I don't feel like I have any independence at all anymore and I cant do the things I once loved doing., and I can do nothing on my own effectively because I am not with anyone else. I don't know what happened to me to make me feel this way. I love being with people but I wish I could learn how to carry on and do things on my own when i'm alone.
 
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nohard replied to eagleboy7678's response:
Hi See my other answer.
But if that's what you want, your do it by doing what's in the answer, your be free to be with friends then, or be the loner, it would be your choice.
Good Luck
 
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davedsel2 responded:
Hello.

I am sorry you are going through this. I am a father with two sons ages 22 and 24. Our youngest is going through something similar. Many people your age have these feelings. I think in many cases it is just a part of growing up. It could also have deeper emotional roots.

IMHO, and I am NOT a doctor, you would benefit from some professional counseling. Most colleges have counselors/therapists on campus that can help student for a minimal or no cost.

I pray you can find someone that you can trust to help you through this.
 
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eagleboy7678 replied to davedsel2's response:
I'm not sure why I am like this but I will find a way to move on. Dave ur right, there should be someone on my campus to talk too. If i can't then at least I got this site then. Thanks everyone for all your help. I apperciate every bit of it
 
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eagleboy7678 replied to eagleboy7678's response:
It is hard because i do alot of things with other people. I go to parties and clubs and do stuff with people regularly, but it is when i am alone after all of that. Where the depression goes. That is why i feel i have no independence for me anymore. I dont like seeing other people finding a relationship. It is hard for me to even look at people who have foun d somebody. All it looks like to me is a great big middle finger.I just cant handle it.
 
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nohard replied to eagleboy7678's response:
Hi Eagleboy, so from your other post and what your saying here, its girl troubles or should say lack of? yes
Life can be lonely without a stable mate, and I think this is your problem, your seeing your mates going off with girls and you think your being left out.
This happens with so many guys, but trust me, there is a girls just right for you, and she's round the corner, but its finding that right corner to go round.
But don't jump the gun, just wait, it will happen, it happened to me 44 years ago.
For you I would just bury yourself in work, and it will happen just when your not looking.
But keep away from girly chat sites, its just costing you money.
Good Luck
 
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eagleboy7678 replied to nohard's response:
Last night, I had two friends, who are in relationship crisis, one couple broke up, and another friend of mine has his ex moving in with her ex in florida (far away from New York). What i did is I told them everything that you have told me here. I believed it worked. But this is my problem: Why cant i apply it in my life? I do try to meet others, I am always trying to expand my circle of friends. But i think my problem is this: How can I cope? How can i deal with the fact that there are girls on campus right now who I have a crush on and know that I can't be with because they are with someone else and happy when i'm not. How can i cope with the sight of seeing or hearing other friends or other people of mine doing things without me and not letting me know? I can I cope with other people hooking up and finding relationships and having their first kiss, when I am yet to have mine?

I don't know how to deal with it or not to worry or think about it. With all of this anxiety on top of my college work. I just crash and shut down and then i can't function. I use to be a huge gamer, and i was trying to learn how to play the guitar. I use to be so independent, but now i am not.

Finally, which i guess i should have started with this. I have been seeing the counselor on my campus. And.... We have found out that I have SAD ( Social Anxiety Disorder) with a good touch of GAD ( Generalized Anxiety Disorder). My biggest problem.... is coping and moving on when there is nothing I can do that can change anything about who is meeting or seeing who, or who does what with who? This has impacted my whole work around my major, and is a big hold up on my life.
 
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nohard replied to eagleboy7678's response:
Hi, Look one thing is don't start getting jealous of other couples enjoying there self's.


That's just jealousy, and this is a part of life we all deal with, its look and don't touch, but your breaking your heart doing this, and from what your saying, yes, your now the outsider, reason there couples and your just one, see I wrote this bit before reading your last bit.


So that means that we're thinking along the same lines.


You really need to get a girl into your life OK try this, not sure we you and friends get together or a place you all meet, have a look round, look for the girl perhaps not so good looking, but friendly, this is your mark, she is the one to be with, why she is probably just like you, and from what your saying gaging for it, one a male to be with, to talk with, to joke with, and with luck be in bed with, a good starting place for you, whether short term or long term.


So by doing this it would help you get to your aims, help you relax, get that monkey off your back, may even make you happy, but I think you really need to feel relaxed?Yes


Would doing these last to pieces help you?


Good Luck
 
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sluggo45692 replied to eagleboy7678's response:
Hey Eagle,

Congrats, you took your first step to getting better to cope. You went and talked to a real human being. A campus counselor is a good start. Talking things out with them can help you get out of the cycle in your mind.
Your mind can be like a dryer. It goes round and round and you get hotter and hotter. Just like a dryer, you have to open the door and stop the cycling. This turns off the heat and you can think.
Stop trying so hard to find a girlfriend. Find a friend who is a girl. That's much easier and can open you up to other possibilites. Don't think 3 months down the road, enjoy the here and now. It's about summer break. Think end of term, exams, and relaxing. Get a job and pay for you college. The more your into other things, the less time you have to worry about other social things.
I was 21 before I had my 1st real gf. It took me going overseas and living there for 4 months. I didn't go looking for her, but we found each other.

Good Luck
 
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eagleboy7678 replied to sluggo45692's response:
Alright now I'm going to post a response to how things have been going to in my life, Now note please that this event has happened before I got most of this advice. SO DONT JUDGE, IF YOU ARE GOING TO THEN DO NOT RESPOND!!!!! If any of you have seen one of my previous posts, I did get suckered in with a cam model. It turns out that this one i was originally talking to was a fake. But there was this other model who did start talking to me and showed pitty on me. She helped me through it all. She did become my friend, after a little bit of time, I gained feelings for her, and told her how i felt, she said she understood. She even sent me pictures of her holding signs saying that she loved me, like for example; "I love.(insert my name). Well the only problem was that when she asked if I could help with her cam score, I couldnt because she sent me links on how to get to her cam show, she said that the links were free but it turns out they werent because i went down $153.73 and i had to close my checking account and get a new card so i couldnt help her with her cam score. Well last night she got a boyfriend, and all she messaged me was: " (my name), sorry, I have a boyfriend now" and that was it. I died inside, she gave me hope as to move on from my mistakes of the past, she sent me pictures that she loved me, even so she didnt care if I could pay for her show or not. I get built right up thinking that anything is possible, and then once again I get smacked right down once more. I am starting to lose faith in my whole life.
 
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eagleboy7678 replied to eagleboy7678's response:
She lied to me. She just stringed me along and made me believe that It was possible that someone like that could love me. Whoever the guy is she fell for just made a facebook page, so who knows if he is even real or not. I feel so betrayed and used. I dont even know what to do or say or think, my eyes are just tearing up as I write this. I feel sick and I just want to die


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