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Early midlife crisis?
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An_241946 posted:
My boyfriend who is 28 and I know that that is early from the research that I have done but is actions seem like he quite possibly could be going through a midlife crisis. We have been fighting non-stop for almost 6 months but we seemed like we were trying to work thru things. Then all of a sudden he decided that he didn't want a girlfriend anymore because he felt restricted and wanted to be free to do his own thing. He has decided that he does not have any friends anymore and has started going out a lot more and meeting new people (usually in their early twenties). He also quit his job, bought a new sports car, bought a condo in downtown (we live in the suburbs), and went on a week long trip to Mexico with his friends, all within a week. While he was in Mexico he decided that he needed to be a better boyfriend and compromise more then a month later he moved out of the house into the condo full time. We still were together and were trying to work thru things and he kept saying that he just is not ready for a serious relationship but when he is ready he wants to marry me. Now a month later he decides that he just wants to be completely alone and now is not sure if he will ever want to get married.

Like I said, I know he is young to possibly be having a midlife crisis but it seems like he has a lot of the characteristics.


Any suggestions on if it could be a midlife crisis or how to deal with it would be helpful.
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Eugenio311 responded:
It just sounds like a young man being torn between wanting to make a commitment (such as marriage) and fear of it, and he is cycling between the two extremes.

Keep the communications open, but give one another space and time to determine what's best for you both.
 
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An_241258 responded:
Sounds really strange. Is it possible your boyfriend suffers bipolar disorder?
Bipolar isn't about just sadness and happiness. Some people during a manic phase can actually go all out and buy expensive things, do exaggerated things and not really realise the consequences financially, or emotionally on people they love. One lady I knew went on a shopping spree racking up thousands on clothes and jewelry.


Not trying to find a diagnosis for what he's doing now, but it is a possibility.


The other option is exactly what you said - he's reached a period in his life where he's suddenly scared. I'm that age too and know for a fact that a lot of my friends are all feeling scared by the pressures of marriage and children. It is something that happens with growing up though.maybe he is just trying to work out what he wants and catch up with his age.
It could also be that he has realised he doesnt want commitment or to settle down and therefore has decided to do what he really wants.


What you need to find out is whether this is a short term crisis he will get over, or whether this is his choice about where he wants to go in life.


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