Men's Health Community

I think being a man today can be accomplished by a far wider range of models than was true in my father's and grandfathers' day. We're at a point now where an increasingly larger part of the population accepts the fact that some dudes marry dudes -- and have perfectly normal and happy families with the only difference that both of the married couple are of the same sex.

Then there are people like me who have a majority opposite-sex attraction and have a traditional family structure and yet we accept, nurture and treasure that small part of us which is same-sex attracted since that is a basic part of our make-up and who we are. The time has gone to worry about such things -- there are so many other things which are of so much greater significance in life. I look forward to the day when each man accepts himself as he is and his brothers as they are and we go on together to build a better-functioning society with thoughtfulness and respect for all.

Thank you for your very thoughtful feedback, Gymrat. I, too, am glad that the definition is evolving and broadening.

Caprice, Yes the definition is evolving and broadening.
Throughout history, the roles of men have changed greatly. Although men typically a have a male reproductive system and
some intersex people with ambiguous genitals, and biologically female transgender people, may also be classified or self-identify as a "man". I agree with gymrat I look forward to the day when each man accepts himself as he is. Willing to be truthful to his wife and others with thoughtfulness and respect.

I think we're getting there.

I guess I was expecting someting other than the responses thusfar.
My reason for responding to this topic is because I don't believe men, in general, have been part of defining who or what we are. For years all I've heard is, "Yes dear" or "If you were half a man you would . . ." or "A real man would . . .".
I have never heard from a man or group of men what it means to be a man.
My ambition is to have men both define what it is to be a man and then we might start contributing to that definition through our resulting actions.
I find it insulting to have everyone tell us who we should be and why we should be a certain type of man when they have NEVER been a man themselves. Even children have started to weigh in on who and what we should be - when and where are the person born male going to weigh in?
Yes, I am a man; a father; a grand father; an uncle; a role model; an influencer. I am all of these and probably more by MY definition and not that of others. Yes, I get snarls and ugly looks and have a history of troubled relationships because I don't veiw my role nor do allow myself to experience the expectations of others. I allow myself to experience the expectations of ME! Now don't ask me what my expectations are because that is not the source of my rant. My rant is that all too often, if not every single time, men subordinate themselves to the dictates and definition of others.
Yes, I understand and appreciate the "management of drama". I also believe if we were to step up as men the drama would lessen because manly advice would be placed on the table as an important part of the decision making process. No, I'm not saying the man's point of view should be the opinion or contribution of choice in every case. what I am saying is that others would appreciate where the man's head and heart are in a good number of situations versus subordinating or just keeping quiet when people really want to know what you think.
A good example I use in my discussions and dissertations is when a man becomes a father with a host of thoughts about the new childs future and how he or she should be raised but seldome offers those thoughts while waiting to hear the mom's thought and going along with her thoughts. I many cases of rasing a child men have pucked out leaving the mom with the confirmed feeling that she needs to make all of the decisions regarding the well being of your child. This has lead to laws that are bias toward female or mothers influence and marketing of many products and services as though the male that had a little something to do with the birth of the child as a non-participant.
Let's work on defining who we are and begin to walk inthe definition - the world will appreciate it.

Being a man means being manly, yet sensative. Understanding, kind, careing, conciderate, compassionate. Being a man, means being honest, a man's word, is his bond. Being responsible, is being a man. Being a man is being supportive, hard working, be it in the home, or at work. Nurturing, a man must help nurture a relationship, or watch it fail. A man must be gentle, with his S.O., and children.

As a child, my father was tough, strict, but fair. He never showed us love, at least not overtly. But, he gave us hugs every night befor bed. He did not like public displays of affection. He would only kiss my mother inside our home. He never showed a soft side, not even when his own parents died. He never shed a tear that i know of.

My grandfather on my fathers side, i never got to know very well. He passed when i was only six. My mothers father, was alot like my dad. Tough all the time. Yet i saw his gentle side. One day i fell of this huge, tall swingset, and knocked myself out. When i awoke, i was lying in my grandfathers arms. I was told later, that he never let me go. I was told later, he thought i was going to die. On the other hand, he gave me a strop leather spanking i will never forget. (Sorry, that would be a leather razor strop.) Every time he hit me, i thought i would break. That thing was heavy!

So, that was how my parentage was. Me, i was way more gentle with my children. Talking to them, usually did the trick. A man doesn't have to be hard, or mean, he can be gentle, and still be a man.

Sorry, i kind of rambled on here. Take care all, Dennis

well, i am a man,i don't really think about it,i just live my life. the things i do and the life i live is of course different from my fathers. however, i think my father would have done and lived as i do if the times and attitudes were as they are today. the womens fight for equality has been the catalyst for how i and other enlightened men behave. it's that simple.
when i was being raised,my father worked,my mother stayed home,the duties of the house and raising children were different. for me, when my father was home from work,he joined my mother in the household tasks. he could prep a meal.clean if necessary,no goading into it,he just did it. when i reached high school my mother went right back to work.

being a man to me is the same as it always was with the exception now, that it take two incomes to raise a family which changes the responsibilities of men and women being mainly that men have more to do with the hearth and home. and, now women are in the positions that were mainly the bastion of men in the sciences, and production of goods and services. it's not complete yet but when there is a women running the country and women running the boardrooms and women running the military, being a man will be no different than being a woman except for the obvious difference. and i say viva la difference.

Thanks to all of you who have responded so far. I really appreciate your thoughtful responses.

And Rickone, you just gave me an idea for another discussion.... stay tuned....

Serving God and taking care of my family.