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    Rebuilding Confidence After Burnout?
    blueboxt40 posted:
    I'm looking for key ways to rebuild my confidence after suffering from burnout a year ago.

    I am in my early forties, in good physical shape and have scaled back from activities to allow myself time to recharge. However as I go through life each day I feel like I've lost my confidence - in myself, my skills and the factor that makes others drawn to you. I've also taken time to speak with a professional to assist me in working through things however I do not feel depressed, just lacking and want the ability to walk with that confident stride once again.

    How do I get this back?
    dfromspencer responded:
    You could start by self-talk, you know, build yourself up in your mind? Be gentle, and think positive. When you feel yourself slipping back into this phase, think positive, and start the self talk all over again. As for skills, its like riding a bike, once learned, can never be unlearned, so relax, you still have it. As for drawing others towards you, keep your chin up, and exude that confidence you know you have. Others can sense when you feel a bit off, ask a buddy to gently remind you, if you slip.

    I hope this helps a little? Good luck!!!

    deadmanwalking57 responded:

    Spencer statement that a skill once learned is never lost is dumb. Many skills depend on muscle memory, strength, and reaction times, which can all fade from disuse. Regain a skill by going through the learning process and practice all over again.
    Patience and humility will allow you to grow as competent or better than before.

    To attract others, be confident, be helpful, be positive. You can't have confidence backed by ... not much. Perhaps pick a challenging new skill, and devote adequate practice time to it.
    Stay with it and truly grow in competence.

    I have done rehab and recovery from massive heart disease, and learned pretty much the entire mechanism of how it works, how to prevent it, and foods that help block or reduce it. All from real research. I love helping others understand what they may have, what to tell or ask their doctors, and explaining why I do everything I do for my health. I am in excellent health. The past six days, I rowed 4 1/2 miles, played 2 hours of volleyball, played 6 hours of volleyball, played 4 hours of volleyball, took a day off and only walked a mile and a half, then today played 2 more hours of volleyball in addition to another 1 and 1/2 mile walk. Not bad for 60.

    People at work see my consistent healthy eating habits, and eventually approach me and ask how and why I can tolerate such a consistent and very healthy diet. With no exceptions, every person who has engaged me in conversation on this has altered their eating habits gets more exercise. Many have told me how much better they feel.

    At volleyball, despite being the oldest on the court, I work hard to improve and be a valued addition to almost any team. Even if the weak link, I go after and am successful with many defensive plays you may rarely see others attempt. I love to compete. New players get the idea to TRY, and to do their best. Its not about being great, just do what you can to be helpful. Sometimes it helps the most to say nothing, but be a model of how you hope others will try to play.

    Rowing I show others how to be more efficient, and be faster using less energy. Everyone loves to improve. Help yourself, help others. With anything. Being appreciated is fantastic. Take yourself there.
    dfromspencer replied to deadmanwalking57's response:
    You call my statement dumb??? How dumb is that????
    dfromspencer replied to deadmanwalking57's response:
    Wow, I thought I would read the rest of your post.

    Wow, talk about an over-inflated EGO???
    blueboxt40 replied to dfromspencer's response:
    Thank you, Dennis. I appreciate the kind words and the insight. Last night I stepped out of my comfort zone and kindly and respectfully stepped up to support a friend. In doing so, I got trashed and my confidence took a hit. I'm working to regain through positive interactions - seriously people can be so challenging.

    I'll work at keeping my chin up and definitely I have to work on that self-talk - I'm not great at that aspect and I know I should be better.

    All in all, I really appreciate you taking the time to post and provide me your experience. Now I just have to learn to find the right kind of friends that give a positive environment *and* learn that I can't change or help with everything. Some folks, no matter how kindly it is done, just don't want to hear it.
    blueboxt40 replied to deadmanwalking57's response:
    Thank you for your experience. I started boot camp 5 years ago and will be starting my 6th year. Boot camp on the beach has helped me so much in my strength and confidence. Congratulations on all your hard work and healthy example. I bbelieve some times I just need to turn off the conversations in my head and enjoy the silence. Otherwise there are too many things to think about and evaluate.

    I do believe that Dennis was giving his personal experience. Each experience is different and brings a better whole picture. Calling someone's thoughts dumb probably wasn't the best choice to engage a community of people. Still, I truly appreciate your experience and words of wisdom on the subject.
    dfromspencer replied to blueboxt40's response:
    Hi Blueboxt40,

    Thank you for your kind words! Some friend you have there. If, as you said, you stepped up kindly, and respectfully, and got trashed for it, wow, some friend. I am sorry your confidence took a hit! You are so right, some people can be challenging!

    I wish you all the best! I hope you can look up some topics on self talk? I think Dr. Becker-Phelps may be of some service there? Go to the "Relationships and coping community", that is where you can find her. Just click on one of the topics she has posted, and hopefully, you can get to talk with her? Well, at least by posting to each other. Or, once you get to that community, start your own post, that would be best, I think???

    Anyway, good luck with all you do!!! Take care!

    blueboxt40 replied to dfromspencer's response:
    Thanks for the positive, encouragement. Last night was not a good night.

    Great resource for self-talk. I'll follow up on that and appreciate the interaction.

    All my best!
    deadmanwalking57 replied to dfromspencer's response:
    Some people like hammering others self-confidence.

    Focus and do your best, where ever that is. If not up to your own standards, work on it. That's how we all improve.

    Over-inflated ego ? No. More on the fragile side. 45 years as an amateur athlete, 35 of interest in exercise physiology. 60 being a slim athlete rejected out of hand based on appearance. Its not fun. The fun part of being picked last is when you turn out to be the difference maker, show total dedication and tireless effort, and your team wins and your contribution is integral to it. And hearing, "Thanks, great game". Great to hear it week after week.

    Seven years researching heart disease and exercise rehabilitation, and experimenting on myself. Tells me I know a lot more than a whole lot of people. Mainly the ones who have not done it.

    Boot camps typically push people too hard, and over do things based on the unfortunate rhyme of No pain, No gain.

    Even muscle burn is an indication of a step too far. Would pouring acid in you arteries be a good thing ? Well muscle burn is similar, and unnecessary. It won't kill you today or tomorrow, but its not doing anything beneficial for your blood vessels, and may be doing them some harm long term.

    Eat healthy, do well managed cardio with warmup, increase you lifts by 5% every three weeks, and you can quadruple your strength in two years, and never get tired.

    Success breeds confidence. My doctor was almost willing to put money on it 7 years ago that I would be dead in 2. I am sure he also would have bet against me playing 16 hours of volleyball in a week at any time. he would have lost both bets.

    I know what I know. Based on facts, good research, and good science.

    Be around positive people. Someone is negative, ask what the hell is wrong with them. Don't let them get away with it.
    Maybe they are having a bad day caused by someone else, and they could use some support.

    If the muscle used in a skill have atrophied and weakened, and lack coordination from disuse, what is left is memory of the skill, and confidence that you can do it again. You can "learn" it again faster. By regaining strength and coordination and getting the muscles to do what you want them to do.

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