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What a Great Experience this group has become. The kinship in Brotherhood. There is such a diverse range of topics. This is the place we can be as open as we want to be... Everyone is welcome to join, but it is not a place to Cruise. It's for sharing sexual questions and comments among men.
Need Help Understanding
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MsScarlette posted:
Hello,

Let me start by saying that I am not sure of the best place to ask the following so please forgive me if you feel I am in the wrong group. I mean no offense or ill will.

I am a 41 year old attractive woman who has been dating a much younger man 22 for almost two years now. We have up until recently been amazing together - personally and sexually. I never planned on this relationship that is for sure. At times it has been a challenge but 98% of the time I don't see a "boy" as some call it - we have taught each other so much and honestly I believe that if the roles were reversed and he was 41 and I 22 - not nearly as much grief would be dished out.

Here is the issue and I need and can only ask men this in seeking advice, understanding and hopefully help.

In January of this year my fiance and I were not living together due to circumstances beyond control. Our apartment would not be ready until mid-May. My fiance mentioned that a friend of his asked him about going to the hot tubs (this friend of his is a 34 year old man), I told him I didn't think it was a good idea. (let me say I am neither for or against same sex relationships - have been around them my entire life, but I am old fashion as some would say when for me it is male/women relationships) He agreed with me, but in the end made plans to go to the hot tubs with this guy. My fiance made a comment about having to swing by his place to get shorts and the man suggested going naked.

They went to the hot tubs. I found out that they were both naked, and this man was massaging my fiance's feet, back, legs and according to my fiance this man grabbed onto his erection as this was his first time in a hot tub and stroked him a couple times prior to my fiance moving his hand from his penis. I also learned that while this man also hard was rubbing my fiance's shoulders described about his rod riding my fiances crack.

Here is the issue - my fiance has tried to understand how and why he ended up there - we have now gone through 3 sessions of counseling and I still feel that my fiance needs to figure himself out. He is in the Army Reserves. He works nights at a factory. The conversation between the two of them expresses each of them telling the other not to tell anyone about it. They went a second time that I know of.

Both of them claim they are straight - they are not gay or bi. I am not sure how to understand this or how to help him.

I found out by accident through 8 pages of instant messages and then made phone calls to both my fiance and to this other man. I am heart broken, confused and don't know what to think.

I know for me if anyone came onto me they would not like my reaction. I don't know if his stories change because he is dealing with it and doesn't know himself.

Ugh, hopeless is how I feel at the moment.
Reply
 
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Anon_527 responded:
It sounds to me like this young man is still exploring his sexuality. It also sounds like he is not ready for a commitment.
He willfully went to this place with his friend and willfully went into the tub naked.

IMHO, he is playing with fire and unfortunately you will be the one who gets burned.

You can continue with your counseling, but be prepared.
 
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gymrat44 responded:
MsScarlette -- I'm glad you came to ask us about the problem you and your fiance are currenetly going through. Most of us who post on this site are guys and many of us have come to accept that while 'straight' many of us do have a small to not-so-small part of us which has a same-sex orientation. Many of us have come to terms with that, accept who we are and are going ahead with life with stable relationships.

A key element for you may be your age differences. At the age both of you are at now each is both according to the textbooks at your peak of sexuality and therefore would make a tremendous pair physically. Your guy being in his early 20s hasn't had the time you have to figure out exactly who he is and how he fits in and probably hasn't figured out exactly where he is on the opposite sex to same sex attraction continuum. He may have some feelings which are strange to both of you and he needs first to learn what they are and then what to do about them. That's where it's great that you're having counseling. Is he looking for anything more in the same sex area than some good-natured sexual horsing around with a buddy? Is he looking for a long-term relation ship with another guy? And if he does want to maintain some horsing around, is that something which you can be comfortable with and can you build a stable relationship and future with that as part of it?

Members of a couple do have activities and evenings with friends of the same sex -- not unusual and a healthy part of life. Just how sexual that activity might be is something each couple would have to determine for itself.

So, don't feel you're hopeless! You may be with a wonderful guy who could make a perfect life partner. At least you're talking now and that's the key to a good relationship. I would suggest keeping on talking and include a counselor as you feel comfortable. See what's good for you and don't be trying to imagine what society at large, including your family and friends, might think. Each of us has a right to define our own plan for happiness. Good luck to you both!
manhood should be enjoyed, not proven -- gymrat44
 
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hairyd responded:
Scarlette; this is not if he is gay or straight. That is for him to understand. His action speak loud than words. If you read the threads all males that tell other their staight are NOT. Your partner as many prefer not to tell family and friends.

I would said the only decision. You need to make is if you are willing to have an open sexual relationship with your fiance.
Grabbing and stoking a erect penis and naked massaging is cheating. EIGHT pages of talking about.

I wish you the BEST!!!! But why pay for sessions of counseling. AGE is ONLY a NUMBER

The reaction of your fiance, and to go for seconds he know what he likes. A few couples enjoy a second male in thier bed>>>><<<
 
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gq12 responded:
so you found out by looking at text msgs and not him telling you he did this? The biggest issue you have to deal with is trust. You both talked about the outing to some hot tubs and you said he should not do it, but he went anyway. Now getting an erection in a hot tub is no big deal. Many guys will get an erectio because they are naked in a public setting or the hot water will sometimes do that as well. He also stopped his buddy from rubbing him, so I would have no reason to think he is gay ot bi, just going out with a friend to aa new place. Lots of guys like hanging out and getting nakled on occasion. In some cultures, this is very regular. You may be more conservative and think it is not right.

Now, his friend was massaging him, made a move to rub his penis and had his erection in your boy friends butt crack. So, I am guessing this guy is probablt gay or bi. Your fiance can still hang out with him, but he needs to make it clean that there is nothing between them if you both want things just between you two. Talk it out and get back to a trusting relationship!
 
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Anon_128523 responded:
Please read past threads on this board before you decide what advice to take and who to take it from. One of the main topics on this board is straight, married men talking about "encounters" with other men. Many here cheat on their wives continuously with other men while claiming to be straight.

They are not going to simpathize with you because your fiance is cheating on you, that is what these guys here do everyday.

Just some advice.
 
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hairyd replied to Anon_128523's response:
Anon, How true it is funny! How many males have lewdly, lasciviously, and passionate sex with another males. But he is cohabit with a female.

They know it adultery if it is a male or female. It not that their wife would not undestand their need / want of a males for sex.
They know it would end with a divorce.

I wonder how many of these males would want their wife having lasciviously and passionate sex with another males.
Therefore expose him to support and provide for another man's children.

These wifes may need a straight male in their lives and BED.
 
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tallguy replied to Anon_128523's response:
A bit judgmental I would say, Anon. Yes, there are many who chest on their partners, but that does not mean that the advice is not from the heart - having experienced these feelings themselves, they are in a far better position to advice a person, whose partner is perhaps going through exactly what they are going through or are experiencing at the moment.

Scarlett - from what you have told us, this Dude is still very young and has been in a steady relationship with you for 2 years. Accept that he does not have your emotional or sexual maturity and will want to find himself. Best will be to support him in this quest and if it is meant to be, your love and support will prevail. Just be warned that most men are still sexual juveniles up to the age of 25 and there-after stability in who they are is established. Of course there are exceptions - some mature earlier, but as a general rule this is the case.

My advice thus - let him be honest with YOU and not an intermediary. If you show understanding, sympathy and unconditional love he will open up more to YOU than a stranger. You will hear his side, as he perceives it, more honestly expressed than through a third party.Trust me, I know, also having / still having some issues from the past. In my case I am, regrettably, not as honest about my feelings to my partner as I could be, but that would have been different if she was not so blatantly prejudiced. In our situations, maybe strangely so, we WANT to discuss our issues with our better halves and not live with a 'dark' secret and no, talking about these issues, do NOT imply he has gay or bi inclinations - it is merely an attempt to also understand himself.

Keep us posted!
 
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tallguy replied to hairyd's response:
And how many men don't? Read up on the stats guys, we donot live in the middle ages anymore.

I agree that when you are in a steady relationship it is most definitely NOT ok to ****** around, except if BOTH parties are into it and do it TOGETHER. Also old fashioned in that repect.

BUT, judges of man, how many of you watch porn or see a pretty girl and imagine her naked? Imagining it is as bad as doing it - in your subconsious you were already been unfaithful.

Come on - be true to yourselves - it is only NORMAL, unless you are annointed saints.

Makes you think, doesn't it??? I am not a hypocrite - I have been around the block and know from first hand experience what I talk about and I choose NOT to judge others.
 
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hairyd replied to tallguy's response:
I agree we should not judge other men, but each man should judge himself .

This forum is open to all. WE have joined it because WE "want" to contribute to the discussion. The goal, being able to exchange a wide range of sexual topics. To share experiences, stories, ideas from all points. Letting men open up to express thoughts or feeling. It is Not limited to what you can post as subjects,

WE all are men, willing to share each other's experience. But not to encourage them to follow a path that may end in destroying their life. But to encourage them to enjoy a life they are able to judge themselves. Then say "Well Done".
...Not say I am going to tell on you" because I disagree!!!
Sex is the prime motivating factor in any male's life. Like oxygen, it's only important if you're not getting any.
 
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tallguy replied to hairyd's response:
Well, if put in the context of "i disagree, because I personally feel this and this" the it is 100% ok with me, but not if you say "Dude you are wrong because of this and this" and especially not if one portrays one's own life and experiences as the "ultimate right" and other's as questionable.

I love reading these posts but don't believe in man playing God - if merely advisory of nature, by all means go for it, but I, for one, will NOT tell anybody that he is doing wrong and heading for disaster - I will warn him of the pitfalls and dangers I forsee, but not that he is wrong - with such an inclination I do not agree.

As for you HairyD and Gymrat 44, you are experienced wise old owls, and I LOVE and APPRECIATE your posts - just wanted us not to scare off the Lady - surely we can come up with better adcice?

Hey HairyD, what about an owl as your profile picture? And I mean it in the nicest of terms.
 
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hairyd replied to tallguy's response:
Thanks tallguy for giving me the bird>
My day job requires I help you resolve problems and suggest improvements.

An owl's behavior of watching and patiently waiting when hunting its prey.
All owls are carnivorous birds of prey and most are
solitary and nocturnal ,.a sinister bird only hunting at night when only evil spirits and witches were abroad -LOL

I got ears big, the better to listen. eyes big, the better to see. My head. packed with wisdom is not all that I am packing.

It not a bad idea to remember the times in nusery school.
A wise old owl lived in an oak
The more he saw the less he spoke
The less he spoke the more he heard.
Why can't we all be like that wise old bird

Are you saying I am a old bird?

Sex is the prime motivating factor in any male's life. Like oxygen, it's only important if you're not getting any.
 
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tallguy replied to hairyd's response:
Owl = Wisdom in my wise old book, nothing of age. Fullstop.lol. Like the new pic!

What happened to Ms Scarlett - did all these birds scare her off???


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