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What a Great Experience this group has become. The kinship in Brotherhood. There is such a diverse range of topics. This is the place we can be as open as we want to be... Everyone is welcome to join, but it is not a place to Cruise. It's for sharing sexual questions and comments among men.
Confused about sexual orientation
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David12345 posted:
I'm a 24 year old male and I have never been more confused in my life - nor did I think this would EVER be an issue. Your thoughts are appreciated - please be easy...

All my life I have been thinking about women, masturbating to women, watching straight porn and dated women (I'm somewhat of a pervert when it comes to women). I lost my virginity to a girl at the age of 14 who I dated for 2 years. Since then I have slept with maybe 10-15 other women. I also just got out of a 8 month relationship with another girl who I loved very much. The only homosexual experience I have ever had was with a former close friend of mine in middle school who I fooled around (oral, mutual masterbation - never anal) with repeatedly. Never did I think anything off this - I thought it was an expermental phase that most adolescents go through (I was 12-13 years old) and it never phased me again. I realized I had my experience and I am not interested in men. Never did I have a homosexual experience after this either...

I went through my first two years in college on a hunt for women. Starting my sophmore year I had started to have some "sexual dysfunction" (i.e. I couldn't get it up) and it really messed with my mind. Every other time I would try to sleep with someone I would have difficulty getting it up and it was largely due to anxiety. When I would get it up I would cum really quickly. My self-esteem started to drop.

This anxiety led me to slow down my sexual activity with women and started to implant this feeling that I might be gay in my mind and that's why I can't get it up. I stopped pursing women as much, and I started watching way more (straight) porn than usual. The masturbation started to get boring and I started to look for more ways to stimulate myself. This led me to prostate massaging.

I quickly learned that this is an extremely stimulating form of pleasure. In the beginning when I was performing prostate messages I wouldn't think of it erotically (hard to do so with a woman on your mind). Slowly, slowly I started thinking of a man inside of me. Next thing I know - straight porn is boring me and I am constantly on the lookout for more extreme porn and in many cases gay porn.

Over the last four years I've seen myself more and more curious to sleep with a man but I don't feel comfortable doing this. Its rare for me to look at a guy and say wow that's an attractive dude that I would like to sleep with. Yet I keep getting these fantasys of me sleeping with a man (I can't think of their face when I have these - only their bodies). I don't feel comfortable sleeping with a guy and feel that if I do bring myself to do it I might regret it later.

Mentally I want to be with a woman, I still check them out on the street and watch straight porn 50% of the time. However, my drive to sleep with women has diminished greatly and lately it has taken a lot for one of them to turn me on.

Over the last couple months I have been having a mental fight - am I gay, am I not gay, am I bi etc... I've been masturbating 2 - 5 times per day and switching off between straight and gay porn (sometimes trying to prove myself wrong). I think about this issue 24/7. I can't get my work done and I have a lot of anxiety over this. I am also seeing a therapist but I don't feel its helping.

I'm confused about my sexuality and how this came to be.

Am I bi-curious, bi, gay, straight?
Do I just have a porn addiction?
Has anyone gone through this - whats your advice?

Your thoughts are appreciated.
Reply
 
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tallguy responded:
Hi David! You are still very youn and as can be expected, still need to find your niche in life. I also went through times that I was mega confused as to what I am or what I liked And my advise - try both and make an informed decision - that is the only way to find your true inner self. If you experiment you can not be branded as this or this - every person has the right to express himself and find himself. If it means that you should have a sexual encounter with somebody from the same sex, in order to discover your true sexual orientation, by all means go for it. And, no it is more normal than not to be bisexual. Most 'straight' men secretly admire the male body or have had sexual encounters with the same sex. It is obvious that this issue is really riding your soul, so do something about it and stop wondering. So, my advise, which you don't have to follow is: try it and then make further decisions re it. Just make sure that you do so safely and if you can, anonymously.

As for the porn - personally I find it boring, but have been enamoured with it once. It will blow over once you are in a steady relationship, but if it does'nt, so what, guys watch it all the time!

Hope this helps!
 
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hairyd responded:
David. my thought if you will read your thread you have the answers!!!!
1)experience with friend and I am not interested in men 2). feel that if I do bring myself to do it I might regret it later. 3) fantasys of me sleeping with a man (I can't think of their face when I have these - only their bodies. 4) I stopped pursing women as much, and I started watching way more (straight) porn than usual 5) masturbation started to get boring and I started to look for more ways to stimulate myself. 6) I've been masturbating 2 - 5 times per day 7) lately it has taken a lot for a woman to turn me on. Mentally I want to be with a woman, 9) I am also seeing a therapist but I don't feel its helping.

YOUR ANSWER to the question
9) Change to another therapist . 8/2) If you are wanting a female; you will regret the male experience 6/7) if your jerking it 2-5 times daily; pussy is not gone to turn you on. 4/5) porn and masturbation is boring if it is your main dinner; ok for desert or pre sex 3) fantasys are ok for day dreams / wet dreams but not for life. 1) you have already had the dick in your mouth; and his cum in your hand.

My advice put the strange porn away; give the homosexual tapes to a friend, limit masturation (a few special times a week because it will make you weak) use the money your paying the therapist for a female.

It normal when you hunting for woman to bang. Of those 15 after you have them in bed they are not as hot. Or they are very hot. Therefore it is a guick thank you or honey not tonight. Its normal; do not sweat your balls. Your young continue the hunt. Your penis will find the lady that will not make your life boring!!!!!!!!!

If you were honest in this thread. STRAIGHT
 
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Anon_527 responded:
Hello.

Others have given their usual excellent advice. My thought is that you may not have a sexual orientation problem, but a physical or emotional problem causing performance anxiety. Before jumping to conclusions about being bi, straight or gay perhaps you should have an exam from you primary doctor. If your current therapist is not helping then find one that will.

You are young and I'm sure you can get all this figured out. I am leaning towards thinking you may have a physical problem and that is why you need to see your primary doctor.

I hope you can get all this worked out soon.
 
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hairyd replied to Anon_527's response:
I agree if you have not had a doctor to exam your junk. That would be good. But if your jacking 5 times a day. Your equipment must be good.
To many men have performance anxiety. The penis is only one of your sex tools. Use your brain. Turn on the baby making music, encourge her to use her tongue and mouth. Give her head; enjoy her breast. Teach her to massage your anus. Foreplay can last for hours. You can make her cum. So what if you did not burst a nut this time. Enjoy her body, listen to the words of the song, your penis knows what it want to do and when.....
You can always work it out when you get home!!!!
 
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tallguy replied to hairyd's response:
Sorry Guys - disagree. It is not physical at all. From what you say David, your tools are working perfectly. Your problems originate from your mind set. Forget the therapist - speak to a psychologist or psychiatrist - after all, they are better qualified and can do some psychological tests on you.

Do not be afraid - everybody goes through phases. At the end of the day you just need to find yourself, mentally, so no stress, time is on your side.

For now, enjoy the jerking off and porn and, for God's sake, relax and stop fretting about it - you will be amazed what difference it will make if you stop putting pressure on yourself to force a verdict. What must be will be and will follow naturally.

Keep us up to speed!
 
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Anon_129334 responded:
Certainly sounds like an addiction to porn to me. As any, addiction goes, it takes you further than you want to go. It will keep you longer than you want to stay, and it will cost you more than you want to pay.
Get some professional help in addiction recovery (12-step, Celebrate Recovery, etc.). You will not win and you will not overcome this on your own.
 
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David12345 responded:
Thank you everybody for your kind words - I appreciate it.

Most of you have touched on a couple topics I would like to respond to:

Physical Condition - went to a doctor. He said I should be fine. I have a couple epidermal cyst that came about right around the time I started have erection problems. It doesn't prevent me from getting erections but it does cause some pain when a chick is tickling my balls or if I am railing her hard. I also have a slight case of chronic prostatitis which inflames my prostate. The only way to sooth this is by massaging it (meds don't help). This makes me want to shove my prostate messager/fingers in there from time to time. It has also gotten me really into prostate messaging which when done right can create a orgasm that your dick could hardly match up to. These orgasms I have experienced have got me curious as to what sex with a man feels like... I quit smoking 3 weeks ago from today and my erections are also much better (used to smoke 1/2 a pack a day since my first break up at 16)

The doctor has prescribed me cialis and then viagra and I generally take these before sleeping with a women but I don't feel its due to the physical problems. Its more mental as many of you have said. Taking these meds also makes me want to jerk off MULTIPLE times a day which turns me onto porn. When I rail on these drugs I feel like a pornstar - no anxiety, no quick cum, can cum when I want and the girl is always feeling it. I just don't feel satisfied after because I used a drug. When I was with my second long term GF I used these drugs the first time I slept with her and then I never use them again. I could have sex totally fine and it was always satisfying. I don't recall having a gay thought while with her and I was a VERY happy person...

Yes porn is definitely an addiction for me. No question about it. I tried to get off it for 2 weeks and was successful. I got drunk one night, went home and got right back on it. My relapse was way worse. I started with straight porn, gradually went to more extreme stuff until I hit gay porn. I felt the progression through the night and the week after I was on a porn/masturbation binge (multiple times a day). During my two weeks of "Sobriety" I still had some gay thoughts but they weren't as intrusive. I was also thinking/getting turned on by women way more and was more confident in myself.

One of you touched on an emotional problem and I agree with you on this front as well. That relationship when I was 14 ended with a girl cheating on me which broke my heart at the time. I went thru a state of depression for about two years after this. Over my life a few of the girls I have slept with were also sleeping around with other people and I have caught them in the act. My erection problem came right around this time as well. My therapist says that he thinks most of my anxiety comes from "Betrayal" which I have buried deep inside of myself (as I don't see it). At times I think hes defiently right and other times I think its BS.


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