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What a Great Experience this group has become. The kinship in Brotherhood. There is such a diverse range of topics. This is the place we can be as open as we want to be... Everyone is welcome to join, but it is not a place to Cruise. It's for sharing sexual questions and comments among men.
Normal testosterone but no sexual drive
An_253818 posted:
I would appreciate sincere and serious responses only. And please consider everything that I write so as not to repeat myself.
I am 38 and remarried in March 2013. My doctor tested me twice this year and I have normal and healthy testosterone levels, but I feel as if I have no desire to have sex. This problem happened literally overnight, beginning with our first week being married. I have a very hard time getting an erection, and an even harder time keeping an erection. Neither self stimulation nor with the aid of sexual mental or graphic images seem to help. Most times I can go flaccid as soon as I want.
I also have a hard time enjoying it during sex, I rarely feel anything. Often I have to check the shaft of my penis during sex to verify that I still have an erection, because I barely feel anything.
I never had this problem before I got remarried. I was able to easily (willingly and unwillingly) get an erection and sustain it several times a day. My thoughts were often crowded with the desire to be sexually involved.
My doctor has prescribed viagra and cialis and they rarely, if ever, do anything. My doctor also wonders if I'm going through unusual stress, but that is not the case either. In the past, stress has always increased my desire for sex. Lastly, my doctor wonders if there's something psychological going on, but again... NO.
Anyone in the same situation now or who have overcome this issue??
I would appreciate any sincere responses.
Thank you, in advance.
stevesmw responded:
find another doctor. Not feeling anything is more than stress related. I'm having issues like yours but I'm almost twice as old as you.
barrytexman responded:
first, check your Estrogen levels... (all males have some Estrogen, just as all women have some Testosterone); they may be a little high; if they are, there is medication for that; be sure and get a Fractionated Estrogen Panel; it will give you 3 levels:
Estradiol (normal for 18 y.o. males is 10-42 pg/ml), Estrone, (normal is 9-36 pg/ml), and Total Estrogens (normal is 19-69 pg/ml); (Estradiol & Estrone are male forms of Estrogen);
if your hormones, Testosterone and Estrogen, are all still normal, it is probably a psych. thing; you said it happened virtually overnight, beginning a week or so after you got married, so maybe, (and PLEASE BELIEVE ME, I MEAN NO DISRESPECT!), maybe it has something to do with your new wife... maybe some sexy lingerie would help; while i was with my 1st wife, the sex went downhill and, like you, i lost my libido completely; also like you, either i couldn't get an erection, or i couldn't keep one; all my hormone levels were fine; so thinking it was probably a psych. thing, my urologist sent us to a marriage counselor; she, (the counselor), had suggested, (regarding our sex life), thinking "out of the box"; we did "role-playing" as well as some other "non-conventional" things; well, it worked! we divorced 14 years later, but it had absolutely nothing to do with our sex life, (which became really, REALLY exciting after we did some experimenting); try different things; you are both mature adults, so what is the worst that can happen? you decide that (whatever you experimented with) "just wasn't your cup of tea"; ok, so try something else; use your imagination, and as long as you don't hurt each other, (or anyone else), it's ok to try!
i do want to wish you all the good luck in addressing your problem!
wmnelson responded:
You're not alone. I'm about 20 years older than you, but have the identical problem. My doctor has tested my T levels twice and has congratulated me on them being normal, unusual for my age. I am divorced and single unlike you. However I continue to have no desire, and cannot no obtain or sustain errections on a reliable basis. My doctor has also prescribed Cialis which like you has little of no effect. My doctor has done extensive testing cardio vascular issues and has found none. So it's not blood flow. Her current theory is has something to do with nerve damage caused by my Type II diabetes. But I am skeptical, what would that have to do with libido?
nagiwa responded:
I have similar experience, but in my case I have been married for about 20 years now, and the problem happens once a year(for some weeks at a time). In your case I sincerely seem to believe it has to do with your new marriage, since it is unlikely you experienced similar problem in your earlier one. If it were in our African traditions, I would have said your former wife 'charmed' the new marriage to make it ineffective. However, that is usually psychological. My sincere opinion is that it is likely your sexual expectations in your new wife is disappointing(no offence intended), and this affects you psychologically. When I experienced similar situation in the past, I used to visualise myself having sexual intercourse with my ideal woman.This gradually assisted me to return to my normal sex life with my normal sex partner. May be you can try the same method( again, no offence intended, just my candid opinion
An_253818 responded:
Thanks for the responses so far. I am scheduled to see an endocrinologist and a neurologist in a few weeks.
aristd responded:
Have you checked your blood sugar recently??
High blood sugar can block the formation of hormone that causes the relaxation of the blood vessels in your sex organ so that it swells and becomes harder
Craig13 responded:
Me too. I'm mid-60's, married twice. This one 26 years. The marriage has been waning down to nothing for about 10 years, now with my wife wanting out. She's in the midst of The Change. My sex drive & physical capabilities waned, as well. Some of this is to be expected with aging. I have some physical problems, like nerve and probably vascular damage due to 20,000 miles on bicycles in my 30's, but I think my problem now is substantially psychological.

I think I've been grieving the progressive death of my marriage as it's been occurring. Might you be grieving your 1st marriage? And perhaps feeling guilty about having sex with someone else, as the 1st marriage hasn't cleared out emotionally? If you are religious, I'd suggest getting "clearance," if you will, that your 2nd marriage is OK. Then, or if you're not religious, see a counselor to tease out any leftover things to deal with.

Your wife might be thrilled to participate when it becomes appropriate. Couples' sex therapy might be of some value, particularly if your ED & numbness (maybe a conversion disorder?) continue.

A work-around is to use manual/oral stimulation. There are some very creative things that can be done to help women get the Best One Ever, so Google a lot. Also, be satisfied with your wife just doing things that might lead to climax for you, even if they don't. This will help to reinforce in her mind that your problems are not due to her being undesirable. Tell her thank you every time for trying, and tell her how good it felt. Everyone likes affection, especially in their most sensitive areas. Sort of like having your back scratched.

Once you're getting back on thrack, Slowly move your mental focus from your wife's pleasure back towards yourself, and find the balance.
floridamenshealthcenter replied to Craig13's response:
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