Skip to content


What a Great Experience this group has become. The kinship in Brotherhood. There is such a diverse range of topics. This is the place we can be as open as we want to be... Everyone is welcome to join, but it is not a place to Cruise. It's for sharing sexual questions and comments among men.
Married & masturbating
lightningguy posted:
I'm married, but I find that more and more I like to masturbate. I love my wife, but sometimes I just want to spend some time with myself and a little porn. The problem is that I'm worried I may mastuirbate too much and get too sore to satisfy my wife. Has that happened to anyone else?
alex0213 responded:
Hey, it's totally normal to engage in a little "alone time" - most men AND women who are in a steady relationship report that they still masturbate every so often. Of course, if it is interfering with your relationship with your wife, then it's something you should talk about, but maybe she's just as happy to relax and let you do your thing. Anyway, you're right - masturbating a lot can be hard on the penis, and the soreness can last for days. To keep the soreness to a minimum, it's a good idea to use a lube each and every time you go after it, and afterwards, follow up with a moisturizing penis creme (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil) to help repair any microscopic tears that the friction can leave behind.
jlgetch responded:
So, the problem, really, if you are honest with yourself, is that you have probably become "addicted" to the porn, and pictures/videos/stories have given you a very unnatural and slanted view of what sex should be. So it is much easier for you to engage in solo play, because you can fantasize that you are doing and being done like in the porn. And we all know that you can create much more intense sensations with masturbation than can possibly occur during penile-vaginal intercourse.
Try this - give up the porn for a month, and after you have had no exposure to it for at least a week, then try communicating with your wife about your desire for sex and how much you love her and what sex means in to you in your relationship. Have sex with her often during that second week, and continue with as much sex as she and you are comfortable having for the remainder of the month (let her know how it helps you to become closer to her and love her even more).
See if that doesn't lessen your desire for the rough masturbation, and your desire to view porn. If you really get into sharing your love with her through intercourse, as you become more "one-flesh", your desire and "need" for porn will lessen, and your mutual desire to please each other will become great enough that the "need" for masturbation will become a less frequent thing (sure, there will be times that intercourse is not possible, and at those times masturbation may become needed to relieve the stress and need for release, but perhaps she can "help" you with that instead of it having to be solo play).
Good luck in making the changes you need to make to turn this around and become the husband and lover your wife needs you to be so you can satisfy her needs, and she can begin to satisfy yours.
stevesmw responded:
I've masturbated for over 50 years. I masturbated when I was dating two women and had a very enjoyable sex life.
If you get sore you are doing something wrong; not enough/wrong lubricant, technique or frequency.

Your first obligation is satisfying your wife and not as an obligation. After that you can do what you want. Can you masturbate without porn? Can you masturbate thinking about your wife or past lovers or wanted to be lovers?

I've seen plenty of porn over the years but not for more than 20 years. I find it a turnoff in the same way as huge fake breasts.
stevesmw replied to jlgetch's response:
Some agreements and disagreements:

1. I'll take a vagina over a hand every time.
2. I would rather have my partner stimulate me manually than stimulate myself. Unfortunately, there are women like my wife who sing the praises of my penis, but don't want to touch it. My idea of a good time would be watching TV or listening to music and manually stimulating each other. Good couples sexual activity is far superior to solo activity.
3. The argument for solo activity is that if you want two orgasms a day you should be able to have them. Your partner can provide as many as she enjoys giving. This is normally less than what you want. Masturbation should be done discretely so as not to make your partner uncomfortable.
4. I have a poor opinion of a man who would rather watch porn and masturbate, than make love to a real woman. He would do this because he is only interested in pleasing himself and is either too lazy or sexually incompetent to try to satisfy his partner.
5. Typically a man who is willing and able to please his partner is not going to be allowed to do that with the frequency he would like. If porn is required to enhance the experience it is okay. A partner shouldn't feel intimidated by porn. It's the equivalent of junk food. Fake breasts, fake sexual scenarios and performance. I replaced porn with my own fantasies years ago. Replaying past lovemaking in my mind or fantasizing about what could have happened. Those fantasies were about real people, not porn stars, models or other celebrities.
Intothewoodsbare replied to stevesmw's response:
Totally agree - hand will never be as good as vagina
emediof responded:
only when I was a teen.i would masterbate all day even in clss sometimes cumm in my pants & have to cover up with my books. when I got home I found my cock was red & swallon ,but liked masterbating so much I couldn't stop. i'm in my 60's & still masterbate.watching "TWINKS" site(young studs jerking-off) makes me cumm like crazy.

Helpful Tips

Men's Sexual Issues - and the Task at Hand
In my experience men's sexual issues go hand in hand with them worrying too much about the workings of their penis. The more worried they ... More
Was this Helpful?
0 of 1 found this helpful

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.