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What a Great Experience this group has become. The kinship in Brotherhood. There is such a diverse range of topics. This is the place we can be as open as we want to be... Everyone is welcome to join, but it is not a place to Cruise. It's for sharing sexual questions and comments among men.
With this new board I feel more free to say some things I didn't feel were appropriate before. I want all of you to understand who I am and I want to learn more about all of you.
I grew up being attracted to men. Since my father died when I was very young, I think I may have just had the desire to be close to a guy who was older than me but somewhere along the way I realized there was also a sexual attraction.
I was shy as a kid. When I was still in high school, my wife, who was a classmate back then, started talking and she took the initiatve to ask me out. Like my attraction to men, I also craved the "nuclear family", which to me at the time meant there was a mother, father, and kids. We fell in love quickly and married shortly after we graduated.
We started a family right away, by choice, not accident. By age 21 we had two kids and had two more after that. My life was everything I had dreamt of. Having a wife and kids was and is incredible.
Although I am happily married and have a wonderful and rich sex life with my wife, I am bisexual and nothing can change that. I have always checked out guys and have admited it to my wife. We ven compare who we think is handsome, well-built, etc.
Several years ago, I started resenting that I had never experimented with men before making a commitment to my wife. It really started eating away at me and I was consumed wondering what it would be like. I finally caved in to the feeling a little bit by going for a sensual massage by a man. In my mid I could justify that even though there was sexual contact. I also realized I like it and it fulfilled a void that had never been addressed.
After that, I have had several more encounters with other masseurs and also guys I have met while alone on business trips. I will admit to all of you that I have had oral sex, both give and take. I have jacked and been jacked. I have rimmed and been rimmed. I have had very erotic frottage sessions.
For some reason I have drawn the line that anal would be cheating and the rest isn't. I know that it is all behind my wife's back and is indeed all cheating, but that is my stopping point. I have used a dildo and enjoy the feeling of something in me and fantasize about being with men, both as a top and bottom. I am quite sure I will never corss that line and will just have to get enjoyment from thinking about it.
I know my behavior is not something to be proud of. Yet at the same time I feel I have done what is right for me. Almost immediately after I gave in to my gay feelings, I stopped dwelling on the "what if" thoughts and really started to focus on my wife and kids. I truly think I am a better man for all of them having done what I have done. I am not asking for anyone to respect that, but to understand where I am coming from as we all get to know each other as this forum advances.
I am about as "transparent" as a guy can be so you can feel free to ask me anything. If you are willing to open up about yourself, I would love to hear about you and your experiences.
Greg, Glad you found this site. Your post is about as honest as they come. It really takes some big stones to confess to your inner feelings and experiences. I do not care if you are str8,bi,gay,or what ever. I still like you from your posts and comments on these boards as a sincere human being. You are already dealing with the issues of what is right and wrong for yourself. Everyone male or female has had the "what if" thought or thoughts and I challenge them to say they have not! I have even had thoughts about "what if"and this does not make me a bad person. I only hope this site allows all men no matter their sexual orientation to share equally in the issues of sexuality. All male members of this forum should not fear what sexual issues are talked about here as long as they are not explicit erotica and fantasy or bash other members sexuality. This should be a sexual no fear zone for any male with sexual issues. Enough of my say lets just say it is great to have you hear Greg!!!
awesome post dude! i am fairly new to webmd and these boards and i think this is like only my second reply to someone's post. it took alot of guts for you to share all of this. i just hope that i can get as comfortable in here as you are. thanks.
Wow..... I am so glad that you posted this, you have no idea. I applaud you for putting yourself out there like this. I have such admiration for you. I wish I had your personal email. There are so many things that I would love to talk to you about, but not quite ready to put myself out there to everyone to read.... I am building up to that, slowly.
This is such a great post.
Thank you for sharing! Appreciated more than you know.
Greg, First of all, thank you for your open and honest post here. You state that you are not asking for anyone to respect the decisions that you have made and I can appreciate that. However, I must tell you, I do respect you for your honesty, commitment to your wife and kids and the love that comes out in all of your posts concerning your wife or sons. My own story has some very strong similarities to your own. I grew up in a nuclear family with a father that was present although not very open with his feelings. I had a curiosity about other males while growing up and had a few frequent good friends that I often saw naked while skinny dipping, sleeping out in tents and masturbating together. While there was never touching each other, I always secretly wanted it to happen. I had mentioned in an older post that I had an older kid from the neighborhood who introduced me to skinny dipping while I was still in elementary school and he was in high school. There was a fair amount of horseplay while we were swimming and I remember being fascinated by the feel of his body. As I got older, I dated a few girls but none too seriously until I met the woman who became my wife. We started dating when I was 20 and she was 18 and married five years later. We had a lovely daughter and had what appeared to be the perfect life. However, even thought we had a very satisfying sex life, I still had this longing curiosity about being with a man. I didn't address it at all and that may have had something to do with my wife and I starting to grow apart. I don't think that was the only reason as we simply grew in different directions and by the time we were 28 and 30, we were both very different people than we had been at 18 and 20. We realized that while we loved each other and would always be a part of each other's lives, we really didn't want to be married to each other. After our divorce, I dated a few different women but finally started using sensual masseurs instead of massage therapists. I also travelled a bit during this time and experimented with men I met out of town. I also have given and received oral, rimming, and mutual masturbation. I am attracted to both men and women but have had more sexual experiences in recent years with men. Some would label me as gay, closeted, whatever. I don't really know the answer but do know that I enjoy sex with women and men and am attracted to both. I have not openly shared this information before but your post kind of gave me the push I needed to honestly put my story out there. For that, I thank you.
Greg since you have started this confession I will share mine as well. I basically grew up without the presence of my dad. he was in the army, it's either I live with my mother and my 3 sisters or with my grandma with her daughters. I didn't have that much friends while I was growing up because my family was very protective to me since I am the only boy. just like Greg I grew up finding myself attracted to men. masculine and good looking men specifically but of course nobody knew about this and I have tried to supressed the feelings. I was also shy and really don't know how to approach other kids the same age like me. I became a loner and started hating myself. I was depressed and often question why I have to face this ordeal. I tried to be normal and turned my life 360 I open a membership to the gym when I was turning 16 to have a better physique because I was skinny. I also started taking some supplements to enhance muscle growth. I managed to save my allowance in order for me to afford these supplements. when I started seeing results I changed the way I dress up and I also started to join some school clubs and even managed to be a part of the basketball varsity team. I started to get noticed and girls paid more attention to me. that was the time I started dating and engaging in sexual activities. all these had boosted my self esteem, for the very first time I felt accepted and normal. when I went to college my room mate who was a varsity player in football confessed to me that he is Bi. I never really understood what it was then until one night we were horsing around when he suddenly told me that he wants to blow me, I thought he was just kidding so I said go for it to my suprised he actually blew me. I never experience that much pleasure in my life, sure I had experienced this from the girls I have dated but not as near as good as this. I didn't reciprocate right away and after weeks of him going down on me I finally returned the favor. we both had GF'S then. after the first semester he transferred to another School so the activity with the man had stopped til I graduated from college. it was last year (2008) when I finally accepted that I am Bi when I met this guy at the gym who really liked me for those of you I'm pretty sure you guys know about this because I pretty much posted everything in the old board . I have decided to fully accept who I am cause if I wont who will. accepting the fact that I am Bi doesn't make me less of a man nor as a good person. there is really nothing I can do about this and the more I supress it the stronger it gets. I decided to finally mess around with a guy because I didn't want to regret someday when Im old that I had the opportunity to experience it and yet I let it surpassed me. as for my relationship with my wife. she will be the only women I will love until I die and I will not look elsewhere to replace her. I know some of you are thinking that I have cheated and still cheating to my wife because I mess around with guys without her knowledge. I consider messing around with guys as just fun on the side, NSA and no emotion in the line. it's just like I just played basketball with other guys that's probably the reason why I don't have guilt feeling while engaging to it though I must admit that sometimes when the session is done I do feel guilty as well but like what I said this is me and there is nothing I can do about it. I decided not to tell my wife cause she won't believe me anyway but most importantly it's because I don't want to hurt her. this may sound odd to others but this is me the real me. just like Greg I am also transparent as a guy and if you want to ask something I will answer them in the most possible way that I can.
Thanks !!! I found this site looking for answers to express the way I feel and too see if I was alone. I believe I found the right "brotherhood". I too grew up with a dad present but never discussed feelings, never anything about sex etc. I always knew I liked men. But where I grew up that's just wrong. My earliest sexual experience was with a young man about 16. I was 12, going through puberty with alot of thoughts. For a long time I thought that was how love was suppose to be. Young and dumb! It was years later I figured out the hard way that boys don't love boys. Growing up was hard. Just to know how you feel and not be able to express yourself. My teen years was even worse. I dated a coulple of girls during high school but no sex was involved. It was until my senior year that I started dating a girl I had known all my life. What a lady. Two years after I graduated high school we were married. My first sexual encounter with a woman. That was anxiety city!! We have been married for 22 years, have a daughter both of which I would die for. But I'm just as transparent as my fellow writers. I continue to harbor the same feelings I grewup with, still look at men when were out shopping, and have fantasies. I would never do anything to hurt my family, so I deal with it daily, some good- some bad. I worked with a guy who once said "You think you know me, but yet you've never met me"--so true. I can honesly say I've never had another sexual relationship with anyone other than my wife. That makes me proud of my self. Being a christian my faith in my savior gives me strength daily. I'm thankful there are no judges here. I have only one judge and he does it well. Thanks guys for understanding and sharing. It's easier to open up and tell someone who doesn't know you than to explain yourself and be have no one to understand. Actually this is the only time I have ever told anyone. Everyone here has helped me greatly. Hats off to all.
Bud, I admire that you have managed to maintain your commitment to your wife. It sounds like you deal with the turmoil from that choice every day. That is what I was referring to and the reason I finally caved. I am not saying my way is right or your way is wrong. We are just handling it differently. Although I am cheating ocassionally, my turmoil is gone and I feel so good about my realtionship with my wife because I am being true to my innermost feelings. I beleive in God and have to deal with that but I realize nobody other than God is perfect, too.
Guys, you aren't alone, and in fact, I think the majority of guys harbor these feelings. One third will not even be aware they have these feelings, they don't even let them percolate to the top. One third is aware and will resist and always wonder. The last third are the millions of men who, to some level, engage in sexual activity. All those saunas, steamrooms, rest stops, hotel bars, massage men, I think at least 1/3 of men are active at some point in their lives. These aren't my figures, I can't remember where I read them, but we are far from alone.
I too had a distant father. He was always there, but we very rarely spoke. I knew early on that I was attracted to both sexes. I met and fell in love with an amazing girl, when we were 13. We got married six years later. Kids followed soon after. I had a series of encounters with a guy who horrified me, but he and I were both really excited. He would never let me finish him. I think he was truly turned on, but could not admit to himself that he had gay feelings. We did solo masturbation, mutual masturbation, mutual oral, and he begged me to do him anally. It was his deepest dream. Then, he would yell "no". Frottage was unbelievable. A truly amazing feeling. After a year or so of frantic quick meetings, and lying to get the occasional fix, I broke down and told my wife. It shattered us. It took a long time to rebuild trust. That trust is far more important than the lust, though I am not denying it was greatly exciting at the time. I got it out of my system, and don't long for it any more. Guys still look attractive to me, but that is no different for me than with women. I am so glad to hear the honesty coming out. We are so much closer to our bonobo and monkey cousins, than we would like to admit. They have a wide variety of sex, with either gender, at least in the zoos I have seen, and the National Geographic articles.
Greg, I reading your story, I feel even that much closer to you. You are an inspiration to us all. Since the beginning of my time here, you have the words that give us all a better understanding of a good and honest person.
My story is much different. I was introduced to the world of male to male sex in a forced way. An older relative and his friend decided since I could not get pregnant, I would be the relief. I do not blame them for what they did, nor do I blame myself for letting it happen. I believe it did mold me in to who I am today. Yet is not the only thing that made me.
To hide who/what I was in HS, I had the girlfriends. I would make out with them, hold hands, but never would try any thing else. Not even any petting. I al reminded of my Sophmore GF. She wanted to have a "serious talk". She started by saying, "Girls notice certain things happen with guys when making out. But with you, I never see it." She was referring to never seeing me with an erection. Which was true. I never could get hard with her. She thought it was something wrong with her. But I could not tell her I was gay. I was not even sure at that time "what" I was.
I have only had intercourse with one woman. That was after a drunken night at the bar, and I was horny. She was my "F*g Hag" and knew all about me. I also wanted to make sure I was a "poof". I was able to get hard and go the distance (pun intended), but knew then and there I was GAY. (Girls are to squishy) I still find them attractive and beautiful, just not in my bed.
For a while, I was always searching for someone to fill the void I had been feeling once my relative stopped using me. I would see how many guys I could bed. As I have gotten older, I realize with some I have built very lasting bonds with. Others I couldn't even tell you their names.
Being with my partner of 11 years has given me peace. We do share openly with each other. We have trust and love for each other. I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve such a man. I have tested him several times over the years, and he still loves me.
I am so glad you have someone to love you, and be loved by you. Everybody deserves to be loved. It is why we were put here.
Thanks for your Reply!
can you tell me what is it like to make love with a man?? oral sex -the jacking and rimming-----have you ever thought of bringing up to your wife of having a 3some with abi-guy you both think is goodlooking and then you could have the best of both worlds
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