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The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...
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deafedteacher posted:
Hi everyone! I am going to broach the taboo topic... sex. Since being diagnosed 6 years ago my libido has dwindled by the day to the current state: I love my husband, I had always enjoyed sex, but these days I just have no interest in sex.

I know all of the suggested stuff like: in the morning you have more energy; take time for the romance first; yada yada yada, blah blah blah...

I really couldn't care less about sex and that makes me feel terrible. Is there anyone else out there who has experienced this? How do you handle it?

Pam
65 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...Hi everyone! I am going to broach the taboo topic... sex. Since being diagnosed 6 years ago my libido has dwindled by the day to the current state: I love my husband, I had always enjoyed sex, but these days I just have no interest in sex.<br /> <br />I know all of the suggested stuff like: in the morning you have more energy; take time for the romance first; yada yada yada, blah blah blah...<br /> <br />I really couldn't care less about sex and that makes me feel terrible. Is there anyone else out there who has experienced this? How do you handle it?<br /> <br />Pam
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himilayancat responded:
Hi Pam...I don't know your age so I don't know if what I say to this is relevant for you.First I do think the MS has an effect on the libido but then I am older & I know that in itself has an effect.And because we do love our spouse we must make extra effort....I'm sure (I know for me) that it's worth while.Sex is so much in the "head".I hear what you're saying about not really caring about it but you also said that makes you feel terrible. MY personal feeling or "fear" is that if he doesn't get it here he will go elsewhere and that's not what I want.So you know they are easily pleased with sex and maybe I'm not doing it "wholeheartedly" but I'm making the effort. So I guess what I"m saying is yeah-it sucks how MS takes so much away but try girl!
Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...Hi Pam...I don't know your age so I don't know if what I say to this is relevant for you.First I do think the MS has an effect on the libido but then I am older &amp; I know that in itself has an effect.And because we do love our spouse we must make extra effort....I'm sure (I know for me) that it's worth while.Sex is so much in the "head".I hear what you're saying about not really caring about it but you also said that makes you feel terrible. MY personal feeling or "fear" is that if he doesn't get it here he will go elsewhere and that's not what I want.So you know they are easily pleased with sex and maybe I'm not doing it "wholeheartedly" but I'm making the effort. So I guess what I"m saying is yeah-it sucks how MS takes so much away but try girl!
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mmthlvr replied to himilayancat's response:
You know that commercial "This Is BoB", well I hate bob. And all those women(wife) included with their grins because he can supposedly "go on for hrs". What a bunch of crap. If I never had sex again I'd be just fine. But I love my husband & I do it for him.

He doesn't know I have no sex drive, I have to improvise. I feel the same way if it's not from me I don't want him going elsewhere. I remember one time he made a comment about how men just have to have it. I'm so glad I'm not alone & I'm sure there are more of us. Gotta love the MonSter.
Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...You know that commercial "This Is BoB", well I hate bob. And all those women(wife) included with their grins because he can supposedly "go on for hrs". What a bunch of crap. If I never had sex again I'd be just fine. But I love my husband &amp; I do it for him. <br /> <br />He doesn't know I have no sex drive, I have to improvise. I feel the same way if it's not from me I don't want him going elsewhere. I remember one time he made a comment about how men just have to have it. I'm so glad I'm not alone &amp; I'm sure there are more of us. Gotta love the MonSter.
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deafedteacher replied to mmthlvr's response:
Thanks to both of you for letting me know that I am not the only one out there with this.

Yes, I do make a special effort for my husband. Men DO need/want it a lot more often, but my husband does understand that when I dont feel well I just dont want to hope in to bed...

I HATE, HATE, HATE MS! It effects EVERY part of our lives! Is there any part that it doesnt effect?! DANG!!! One or two things would be ok, but ALL of them?! Seriously, just give us all a break!

Thanks girls, I really appreciate your comments. Oh, and I HATE Bob too! (the commercial, not my husband -- same name!!! LOL)
Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...Thanks to both of you for letting me know that I am not the only one out there with this.<br /> <br />Yes, I do make a special effort for my husband. Men DO need/want it a lot more often, but my husband does understand that when I dont feel well I just dont want to hope in to bed... <br /> <br />I HATE, HATE, HATE MS! It effects EVERY part of our lives! Is there any part that it doesnt effect?! DANG!!! One or two things would be ok, but ALL of them?! Seriously, just give us all a break!<br /> <br />Thanks girls, I really appreciate your comments. Oh, and I HATE Bob too! (the commercial, not my husband -- same name!!! LOL)
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mmthlvr replied to deafedteacher's response:
I think most women, not just those with MS hate Bob too, I don't think we're the exception:) LOL
Tammy
Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...I think most women, not just those with MS hate Bob too, I don't think we're the exception:) LOL<br />Tammy
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deafedteacher replied to mmthlvr's response:
Ya know Tammy, I do believe you're right!

Pam
Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...Ya know Tammy, I do believe you're right!<br /> <br />Pam
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judybird64 replied to deafedteacher's response:
Hi ladies...
Just wanted to say "me too!" That libido of mine just completely dried up and flew away. I've talked some to my neuro, and he's said it indeed can be the MS, or the meds, age, or all of the above. The best solution I've found is the same one you all have.
Oh, and I HATE Bob, too!! I'm glad to know I'm not alone!
Judy
Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...Hi ladies...<br />Just wanted to say "me too!" That libido of mine just completely dried up and flew away. I've talked some to my neuro, and he's said it indeed can be the MS, or the meds, age, or all of the above. The best solution I've found is the same one you all have.<br />Oh, and I HATE Bob, too!! I'm glad to know I'm not alone!<br />Judy
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swampster1952 responded:
Hello Pam,

Gee, I didn't know bob was disliked so much!

I'm a guy with MS that has no interest in sex, Not only can I not "get it up" (you know girls, an erection?!) I also do not have any mental desire to have sex (thank goodness for that).

If my wife wants to have sex with me it is always oral sex for her, nothing physical for me. I do enjoy giving my wife sexual pleasure. She knows that all she needs to do is say sweetie, how about a little ...

Dave
Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...Hello Pam,<br /><br />Gee, I didn't know bob was disliked so much!<br /><br />I'm a guy with MS that has no interest in sex, Not only can I not "get it up" (you know girls, an erection?!) I also do not have any mental desire to have sex (thank goodness for that).<br /><br />If my wife wants to have sex with me it is always oral sex for her, nothing physical for me. I do enjoy giving my wife sexual pleasure. She knows that all she needs to do is say sweetie, how about a little ...<br /><br />Dave
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deafedteacher replied to swampster1952's response:
Hi Dave!
Thanks for giving me some much needed perspective on this subject! I do have to say that it did surprise me. If you don't mind me asking, did it take your wife long to understand and accept this? It took my husband quite a while, but he does understand that I often just am not up to it.

Smilin' Bob's meds aren't bad, just the stupid Bob and his dumb a** wife!

Pam
Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...Hi Dave!<br />Thanks for giving me some much needed perspective on this subject! I do have to say that it did surprise me. If you don't mind me asking, did it take your wife long to understand and accept this? It took my husband quite a while, but he does understand that I often just am not up to it. <br /> <br />Smilin' Bob's meds aren't bad, just the stupid Bob and his dumb a** wife!<br /> <br />Pam
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swampster1952 replied to deafedteacher's response:
Good morning Pam,

No, my wife knew about "it" right from the begining of our relationship. So my inability for "normal" sexual intercourse was never an issue.

Dave
Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...Good morning Pam,<br /><br />No, my wife knew about "it" right from the begining of our relationship. So my inability for "normal" sexual intercourse was never an issue.<br /><br />Dave
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MSmommom replied to swampster1952's response:
OK, forget Bob ladies, I want Dave as a husband.
Sorry Dave.......but wowie, lucky wife u have.
I have not had sex in about 3 yrs. I dont think its the MS, I think its my fiance' of 5 yrs? He sleeps upstairs, me , downstairs. If he dont ask, not my fault right?
Its just too much work I guess. Although, I've turned my head a few times and had thoughts when seeing those good looking men you see around every now and then.
Shhhhhhhhhh, mum's the word.
Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...OK, forget Bob ladies, I want Dave as a husband. <br />Sorry Dave.......but wowie, lucky wife u have. <br />I have not had sex in about 3 yrs. I dont think its the MS, I think its my fiance' of 5 yrs? He sleeps upstairs, me , downstairs. If he dont ask, not my fault right? <br />Its just too much work I guess. Although, I've turned my head a few times and had thoughts when seeing those good looking men you see around every now and then. <br />Shhhhhhhhhh, mum's the word.
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mmthlvr replied to MSmommom's response:
I didn't want to say anything but since you brought it up, me to. Dave your gonna be pretty popular around here:)

Three years no sex, I wish. I just want to cuddle. I'm starting to feel like we are no longer on the MS web page.
Tammy











Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...<i> I didn't want to say anything but since you brought it up, me to. Dave your gonna be pretty popular around here:) </i><br /><i></i> <br /><i>Three years no sex, I wish. I just want to cuddle. I'm starting to feel like we are no longer on the MS web page.</i><br /><i>Tammy</i><br /><i></i> <br /><i></i> <br /><i></i> <br /><i></i> <br /><i></i> <br /><i></i> <br /><i></i> <br /><i></i> <br /><i></i> <br /><i></i> <br /><i></i> <br /><i></i>
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swampster1952 replied to MSmommom's response:
Hello all,

Sex is, or can be, a big deal (really big in bob's case!) and this is a legitimate topic for us MS'ers to discuss.

If we don't want to "do it" but our partner does, then what do we do? Fortunately for me, my wife and I have a good relationship and we can talk about anything and figure out how to deal with our difficulties.

Dave
Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...Hello all,<br /><br />Sex is, or can be, a big deal (really big in bob's case!) and this is a legitimate topic for us MS'ers to discuss.<br /><br />If we don't want to "do it" but our partner does, then what do we do? Fortunately for me, my wife and I have a good relationship and we can talk about anything and figure out how to deal with our difficulties. <br /><br />Dave
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deafedteacher replied to mmthlvr's response:
Yeah, it does sound like this should be in a magazine somewhere! LOL!

BUT... This is something that I haven't seen anywhere. Yes, there are the textbook answers on NMSS, but it made me feel better to know that you all are out there and can identify with all of this.

I can talk to my husband, my best girlfriend, etc. but they dont really "get it" when it comes to how things like this make me feel... You know, guilty. Guilty because neither me nor my husband signed up for all of this and there are things that I wish were still the same... sex, energy, not feeling dizzy, being able to walk normal when I get up from sitting or sleeping, being able to remember things for more that a moment or two, not having to have Bob finish my sentences for me (though I have to say he does speak Pam fluently!), etc.

He does so much for me I feel like I should want to do this for him, for me, for US. I dont want itimate moments to feel like a chore. I try not to let Bob know that I feel that it's a chore, but I feel it. And that, my friends, sucks!

Thanks everyone for listening. I needed to get that out.

Pam
Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...Yeah, it does sound like this should be in a magazine somewhere! LOL! <br /> <br />BUT... This is something that I haven't seen anywhere. Yes, there are the textbook answers on NMSS, but it made me feel better to know that you all are out there and can identify with all of this.<br /> <br />I can talk to my husband, my best girlfriend, etc. but they dont really "get it" when it comes to how things like this make me feel... You know, guilty. Guilty because neither me nor my husband signed up for all of this and there are things that I wish were still the same... sex, energy, not feeling dizzy, being able to walk normal when I get up from sitting or sleeping, being able to remember things for more that a moment or two, not having to have Bob finish my sentences for me (though I have to say he does speak Pam fluently!), etc.<br /> <br />He does so much for me I feel like I should want to do this for him, for me, for US. I dont want itimate moments to feel like a chore. I try not to let Bob know that I feel that it's a chore, but I feel it. And that, my friends, sucks!<br /> <br />Thanks everyone for listening. I needed to get that out.<br /> <br />Pam
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justducky65 replied to deafedteacher's response:
ahhh... this is why I miss this support group You just cant talk about these problems on FBook or you sure wouldnt want to !! lol lol

MS along with a little aging seems to just take it all out of ya ! They say I should be in my prime but I must have by by-passed that,. oh well I did enjoy my teenage years.
Report This| Share this:The "silent symptom" that no one wants to talk about...ahhh... this is why I miss this support group You just cant talk about these problems on FBook or you sure wouldnt want to !! lol lol <br /> <br /> MS along with a little aging seems to just take it all out of ya ! They say I should be in my prime but I must have by by-passed that,. oh well I did enjoy my teenage years.
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