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No interest in intimacy or sex
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loz15 posted:
Hello,this is my first attemt at a discussion and would be extreamly grateful .for any feed back.I am a 46yr old gay female who has met the love of her life.She was diagnosed with ms 8yrs ago,a fact that she has never hidden from me.I love her and respect her and have read up on r and r symptoms so that i can try and have a better understanding when the going gets tough for her.It was a relief to read about the lack of sex drive,no interest and dryness etc.etcAll these things she suffers with,.And i feel selfish writing this but i have tried to talk about how she feels,she has trouble talking about it,and we seem to find not an answer but maybe more of a fix it but it always ends up with bed=sleep...end of!! The one thing i have a problem is i keep feeling its me...my fault...what am i doing wrong?I understand her symptoms but obviously i cant feel them as she does with fatigue but i feel im being selfish too.I love her so very much and we plan to marry in sept....i live in the uk so fingers crossed it wont rain! I hope my babble makes sense and i can get some answers or maybe similar situations.i feel abit alone with this one!
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hackwriter responded:
Dear loz,

My thoughts about this very difficult topic that affects so many of us:

I encourage you to explore intimacy in its broadest, deepest sense. Take the focus off sex and offer to give her a massage to relax those spastic muscles instead. If you get in touch with how MS affects her, you might discover that she has some loss of sensation, and that might be contributing to the dysfunction. She might not even realize she has a loss of sensation.

In addition, loss of libido can happen with hormone fluctuations during perimenopause. A boost of testosterone can help that, whether from the female Viagra pill or by visiting her OB/GYN and discussing hormone supplements.

Personally, I suffered from a loss of libido for years until I reached perimenopause. For me, this change brought back my desire for sex. My periods became irregular and I got my sex drive back at the same time. The hormone fluctuations undoubtedly had something to do with the return of my sexual appetite, perhaps a testosterone spike. That said, however, my MS body is different sexually than the one I had prior to developing the disease and I've had some frustration with that. It is harder to achieve climax than it once was. But a good lover will help us find new ways of having pleasure by exploration and discovery.

It is possible that your girlfriend's sexual malaise will not last forever. Be patient and supportive. You're a very caring partner to reach out for advice like you have. I wish you all the best.

Kim
 
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loz15 replied to hackwriter's response:
Thank you for your reply...i really appreciate it x the massage sounds a good idea to help her relax and maybe just to communicate to me what is pleasurable and what makes her uncomfortable re;skin sensitivity.I really truelly love this woman and i just want to do whatever is best for her,that is why i posted this as i have read a few things that i have found very helpful to try and educate me a little more about ms..Its so unfair on you all however i admire the "fighting" spirit among you all x


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