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multiple sclerosis and marriage
pozzamaniac posted:
I've had ms now for 22 years now. Husband #1 beat me, I left him. I married husband #2 for safety. He cheated on me. I left him. Husband #3, I married for all the right reasons. Love, respect, friendship, honesty, loyalty. never once thought about him needing courage. I've got more courage in my big toe than he will ever have. Now when I actually get up the nerve to tell him of my invincible ms problems, I feel like I've waisted my time. 20 minutes after our discussion, I's like I never even said a word. I'm still pushed to extremes. I am pushed by him, and his son constantly to do things other than rest and possibly recoupe. I feel like I' on a deserted island all alone with my ms. Just because I look normal, doesn't mean I am. I once fought ms all alone for 17 years, and after dealing with 3 very ignorant men in my life, I'm ready to face the rest of my life in secracy with ms alone again. Heaven forbid if my fuband gets a hangnail tho. The world is coming to an end.
hackwriter responded:
Dear pozza,

Yes, it's very hard for our loved ones to know how to deal with us. It took years for my siblings and parents to learn how to talk to me about it and understand how it affects me. My second husband was doting and sympathetic, but he dumped me out of a two-year marriage because I couldn't be his activities companion. Ultimately, we do suffer alone.

Sometimes I think it is too much to expect of a loved one to try to imagine what MS is like for us and to be supportive and involved. There are many men and women who do know how to be supportive and loving spouses, but finding them is a game of chance.

Until a person experiences illness or disease themselves, it scares them to acknowledge ours. Most people are terrified at the thought of death and disease and they practice denial as a way of coping. Unfortunately, that kind of coping can hurt the people closest to them.

And that's why we have MS forums like this one. I'm glad you reached out and I hope you'll find some kind of connection here.


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