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Low sexual desire..but not what you might think?
An_252224 posted:
I am a 44 yr woman and I have all the makings of MS but we cannot completely confirm I have it because I have an implant for my bladder and I cannot have an MRI. All other tests do not indicate I have it. It is frustrating which is another topic. What I want to talk about it the fact that since I've been having medical problems, (about 5 years ago) he won't even touch me...I have to ask for hugs. He says it's because I made a comment to someone else how it hurts to be hugged sometimes. I try to show affection toward him, I try to get him to hug, kiss, or even show me some kind of affection..nothing. He then blames it on his low testosterone. He blames it on him being so tired. We both have gained weight, I can understand he is no longer happy with me because I have not been able to keep a job and I am now on disability. This illness has affected my memory and he cannot stand having to repeat himself. He has no patience whatsoever. He really does not want to discuss anything related to our relationship, the future etc. he is such an angry person now. I adore and love him but I cannot go on longing for attention and affection. My libido has not diminished. I think there is more to it than my "disease". I need to know what the next step is for me because his anger has become pretty violent and I am not staying where I am in fear. Do I seek counsel? Do ask him to see one with me? Do I try to get him to discuss these topics? Do I see an attorney? I am considering separating. I have nothing to my name. I know he is afraid if I leave, I will try for alimony. He has already told me that fear. This is his first marriage, my second and probably last. I feel as though no man will want me now. At times I feel alienated and alone, I am so depressed and sometimes think of suicide. I know I need to change things but am afraid. Someone please offer some help.
hackwriter responded:
Dear anon,

Seek a therapist on your own first. You and your counselor will discuss what steps you might take. Once a man focuses his resentment on you and your disease and resists intimacy, it's unlikely he will want to try to save the marriage. I just went through a similar situation, sought out a therapist first, and my husband and I are now separated. I love my husband, too, and he begged me to come back two months after I left him--but my common sense tells me that the cycle of resentment will come around again. I won't go back. I feel better about myself now.

You will find love again. Your self-esteem might be in the toilet right now, but once you remove yourself from that relationship, you will begin to repair.

I don't quite understand why a bladder implant would prevent an MRI unless it is made of a ferrous metal. As far as other tests are concerned, did you have a normal lumbar puncture, normal evoked potentials, normal clinical exams that tested reflexes, coordination, strength and balance? I'm not sure what to tell you about all of that except to keep a symptom log and report any changes to your neurologist. If you don't have a neurologist, then get one. Preferably one that specializes in MS.


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