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Negativity
michelleloehr posted:
Okay I'm only 13 weeks (well 13 weeks tomorrow) and I'm probably way ahead of myself but this is my first and I'm a planner by nature. But I have already discussed with my DH that I would like to have the most natural birth possible (i.e. no induction unless it becomes medically necessary - we have a family history of babies not want to come into the world my mom and my sister both went 44 weeks with their firsts; no epidurals), DH is like whatever its your body.
Here's the thing the few people that I've mentioned this to (mainly my Sis and my two SILs) act like i'm nuts. My sis was like just wait till you are in there you'll change your mind (which I don't get she has 3 kids and had two botched epis and said the one baby she didn't have the epi with was the easiest labor) and both SIL are like whatever why would you put yourself through that.
I have a good friend that has had two natural births and she said to ignore anything anyone says about birth. she said she has never experienced true pain in labor (discomfort yes, pressure yes but not pain)
So has anyone else experienced people reacting negativly to your plans. I really don't see where its any of their business but all three of them brought it up first and I told them my thoughts. If you have had to deal with the negativity how did you deal with people?
Here's the thing the few people that I've mentioned this to (mainly my Sis and my two SILs) act like i'm nuts. My sis was like just wait till you are in there you'll change your mind (which I don't get she has 3 kids and had two botched epis and said the one baby she didn't have the epi with was the easiest labor) and both SIL are like whatever why would you put yourself through that.
I have a good friend that has had two natural births and she said to ignore anything anyone says about birth. she said she has never experienced true pain in labor (discomfort yes, pressure yes but not pain)
So has anyone else experienced people reacting negativly to your plans. I really don't see where its any of their business but all three of them brought it up first and I told them my thoughts. If you have had to deal with the negativity how did you deal with people?
10 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:NegativityOkay I'm only 13 weeks (well 13 weeks tomorrow) and I'm probably way ahead of myself but this is my first and I'm a planner by nature. But I have already discussed with my DH that I would like to have the most natural birth possible (i.e. no induction unless it becomes medically necessary - we have a family history of babies not want to come into the world my mom and my sister both went 44 weeks with their firsts; no epidurals), DH is like whatever its your body. <br /> <br />Here's the thing the few people that I've mentioned this to (mainly my Sis and my two SILs) act like i'm nuts. My sis was like just wait till you are in there you'll change your mind (which I don't get she has 3 kids and had two botched epis and said the one baby she didn't have the epi with was the easiest labor) and both SIL are like whatever why would you put yourself through that.<br /> <br />I have a good friend that has had two natural births and she said to ignore anything anyone says about birth. she said she has never experienced true pain in labor (discomfort yes, pressure yes but not pain)<br /> <br />So has anyone else experienced people reacting negativly to your plans. I really don't see where its any of their business but all three of them brought it up first and I told them my thoughts. If you have had to deal with the negativity how did you deal with people?
MNHall responded:
Yes! When I told my mom I wanted a natural birth she thought I was nuts. She had me naturally, but not by choice and said she'd "never do that again"!
And of course there are comments about "drugs are there for a reason" and "you don't get any medals". But for me, it was/is about the incredible and empowering feeling of having your body work in the way it's designed, to feel your body working and know how it works with you! With my last child I got a little scared by the clock (**insert rolling eyes**) after pushing for 90 minutes and my doctor was making me fear how much time I had left....so, i agreed to the epidural....the difference between pushing naturally, in the positions that felt right and FEELING the contractions and then being on my back in a bed feeling nothing was not just night and day...so much more!!!
I chose to only discuss birthing with those that feel like I do...if someone says they want an epi as soon as they arrive, I say, oh, okay and leave it at that!
And of course there are comments about "drugs are there for a reason" and "you don't get any medals". But for me, it was/is about the incredible and empowering feeling of having your body work in the way it's designed, to feel your body working and know how it works with you! With my last child I got a little scared by the clock (**insert rolling eyes**) after pushing for 90 minutes and my doctor was making me fear how much time I had left....so, i agreed to the epidural....the difference between pushing naturally, in the positions that felt right and FEELING the contractions and then being on my back in a bed feeling nothing was not just night and day...so much more!!!
I chose to only discuss birthing with those that feel like I do...if someone says they want an epi as soon as they arrive, I say, oh, okay and leave it at that!
Report This| Share this:NegativityYes! When I told my mom I wanted a natural birth she thought I was nuts. She had me naturally, but not by choice and said she'd "never do that again"! <br /> <br />And of course there are comments about "drugs are there for a reason" and "you don't get any medals". But for me, it was/is about the incredible and empowering feeling of having your body work in the way it's designed, to feel your body working and know how it works with you! With my last child I got a little scared by the clock (**insert rolling eyes**) after pushing for 90 minutes and my doctor was making me fear how much time I had left....so, i agreed to the epidural....the difference between pushing naturally, in the positions that felt right and FEELING the contractions and then being on my back in a bed feeling nothing was not just night and day...so much more!!!<br /> <br />I chose to only discuss birthing with those that feel like I do...if someone says they want an epi as soon as they arrive, I say, oh, okay and leave it at that!
michelleloehr replied to MNHall's response:
My thoughts on it are women had babies for millions of years without the help of drugs and if it was as bad as everyone claims the human race would have died out a long, long time ago.
Report This| Share this:NegativityMy thoughts on it are women had babies for millions of years without the help of drugs and if it was as bad as everyone claims the human race would have died out a long, long time ago.
GigiSage responded:
My suggestion on these boards is to not really talk about natural birth. I actually had people that thought I 'deserved' to have my c-section because I advocated women understanding their bodies and talking to their doctors and asking questions. If you see someone asking about it then suggest they come here. I really had only a few people that were supportive and many more that said it was stupid - to condense it.
I would stick to your guns if it comes up. Overall you will find that most people will think that you are brave and that they couldn't do it. But don't encourage them that they can! Ugh... made THAT mistake... It is actually quite sad how judgemental some people are on these boards. Sorry I had a really bad experience on these boards so I am a little jaded. Which is why I made this board so that those of us who at least want to try could have a place to talk about it.
Of course you are always welcome here and even though I am not pregnant now, I still lurk on it and you can email me if you have questions at all. sagear@ihs.org I had 20 hours of med free, and then pitocin with a failed epidural that landed me in a c-section for my first child. I can't wait until we get pregnant again so I can try a VBAC.
I would stick to your guns if it comes up. Overall you will find that most people will think that you are brave and that they couldn't do it. But don't encourage them that they can! Ugh... made THAT mistake... It is actually quite sad how judgemental some people are on these boards. Sorry I had a really bad experience on these boards so I am a little jaded. Which is why I made this board so that those of us who at least want to try could have a place to talk about it.
Of course you are always welcome here and even though I am not pregnant now, I still lurk on it and you can email me if you have questions at all. sagear@ihs.org I had 20 hours of med free, and then pitocin with a failed epidural that landed me in a c-section for my first child. I can't wait until we get pregnant again so I can try a VBAC.
Report This| Share this:NegativityMy suggestion on these boards is to not really talk about natural birth. I actually had people that thought I 'deserved' to have my c-section because I advocated women understanding their bodies and talking to their doctors and asking questions. If you see someone asking about it then suggest they come here. I really had only a few people that were supportive and many more that said it was stupid - to condense it.<br /><br />I would stick to your guns if it comes up. Overall you will find that most people will think that you are brave and that they couldn't do it. But don't encourage them that they can! Ugh... made THAT mistake... It is actually quite sad how judgemental some people are on these boards. Sorry I had a really bad experience on these boards so I am a little jaded. Which is why I made this board so that those of us who at least want to try could have a place to talk about it.<br /><br />Of course you are always welcome here and even though I am not pregnant now, I still lurk on it and you can email me if you have questions at all. sagear@ihs.org I had 20 hours of med free, and then pitocin with a failed epidural that landed me in a c-section for my first child. I can't wait until we get pregnant again so I can try a VBAC.
cvega1980 responded:
Hi!
What do you mean by your sister having two botched epis, what happened? I don't understand why she would criticise your choice when her natural labor was better. Extrange. Everybody that I tell I am going for a natural birth immediately respond that I am crazy and I will be screaming for an epidural...it makes me angry, but more determine to prove them wrong. It is a little sad, since I wiould never tell a mother that is using an epi that she is a coward. Is her body, her choice. Good luck to all of you and a high five to our high tolerance for pain, bring it on!
What do you mean by your sister having two botched epis, what happened? I don't understand why she would criticise your choice when her natural labor was better. Extrange. Everybody that I tell I am going for a natural birth immediately respond that I am crazy and I will be screaming for an epidural...it makes me angry, but more determine to prove them wrong. It is a little sad, since I wiould never tell a mother that is using an epi that she is a coward. Is her body, her choice. Good luck to all of you and a high five to our high tolerance for pain, bring it on!
Report This| Share this:NegativityHi!<br />What do you mean by your sister having two botched epis, what happened? I don't understand why she would criticise your choice when her natural labor was better. Extrange. Everybody that I tell I am going for a natural birth immediately respond that I am crazy and I will be screaming for an epidural...it makes me angry, but more determine to prove them wrong. It is a little sad, since I wiould never tell a mother that is using an epi that she is a coward. Is her body, her choice. Good luck to all of you and a high five to our high tolerance for pain, bring it on!
Report This| Share this:Negativity<a href="http://forums.webmd.com/3/pregnancy-third-trimester-exchange/forum/25349?@185.5M3bamY7eDK">http://forums.webmd.com/3/pregnancy-third-trimester-exchange/forum/25349?@185.5M3bamY7eDK</a> @
No clue why you posted that link. I was asking an honest question about the mindset of those that were intending to get an epi. I was curious after reading and watching several birth stories. It was never meant to offend anyone. It was not the discussion I envisioned it. I thought I would learn about those that planned for an epi and somehow the whole conversation turned into something else. A few did answer my question though and it was interesting to read their responses. I just wanted to learn their take on things as going into your labor with the mindset of natural labor, getting an epi and having a scheduled c-section are completely different and I think it is interesting.
Report This| Share this:NegativityNo clue why you posted that link. I was asking an honest question about the mindset of those that were intending to get an epi. I was curious after reading and watching several birth stories. It was never meant to offend anyone. It was not the discussion I envisioned it. I thought I would learn about those that planned for an epi and somehow the whole conversation turned into something else. A few did answer my question though and it was interesting to read their responses. I just wanted to learn their take on things as going into your labor with the mindset of natural labor, getting an epi and having a scheduled c-section are completely different and I think it is interesting.
michelleloehr replied to cvega1980's response:
cvega1980, with baby 1 they did the epi wrong or missed (this is my first i'm not really sure how the epi works other than they are injecting med directly to the nerves in the spinal column) so instead of going numb from waist down she went numb on her left side; with baby 3 they did the epi but they waited too long and the meds didn't even kick in until after the baby was born and then she was stuck in bed until the meds wore off.
I often think my sister is a little sadistic and is just trying to terrorize me (if you ever met her you'd probably agree) she called me from Germany on Saturday just to tell me horror stories of my nephew's first couple weeks home.
I often think my sister is a little sadistic and is just trying to terrorize me (if you ever met her you'd probably agree) she called me from Germany on Saturday just to tell me horror stories of my nephew's first couple weeks home.
Report This| Share this:Negativitycvega1980, with baby 1 they did the epi wrong or missed (this is my first i'm not really sure how the epi works other than they are injecting med directly to the nerves in the spinal column) so instead of going numb from waist down she went numb on her left side; with baby 3 they did the epi but they waited too long and the meds didn't even kick in until after the baby was born and then she was stuck in bed until the meds wore off.<br /> <br />I often think my sister is a little sadistic and is just trying to terrorize me (if you ever met her you'd probably agree) she called me from Germany on Saturday just to tell me horror stories of my nephew's first couple weeks home.
GigiSage replied to michelleloehr's response:
Was she trying to scare you was she reaching out to you? She may have just wanted to talk... although I don't know her and could be completely wrong. I know when people tell you horror stories during pregnancy many times they think they are 'helping' you... I'm sorry I didn't really want to hear about 3rd degree episiotomies or failed epidurals during a c-section... I know it happens... but I don't really want to hear a first (or 5th) hand story about it... *shudders*... Childbirth and parenting are scary enough without people thinking you should hear all the terrible things that have happened to them or someone they know...
Report This| Share this:NegativityWas she trying to scare you was she reaching out to you? She may have just wanted to talk... although I don't know her and could be completely wrong. I know when people tell you horror stories during pregnancy many times they think they are 'helping' you... I'm sorry I didn't really want to hear about 3rd degree episiotomies or failed epidurals during a c-section... I know it happens... but I don't really want to hear a first (or 5th) hand story about it... *shudders*... Childbirth and parenting are scary enough without people thinking you should hear all the terrible things that have happened to them or someone they know...
michelleloehr replied to GigiSage's response:
knowing my sister probably a mix of both. I know she's under a lot of stress right now they just transfered to Germany in August and then BIL got deployed to Iraq in Jan so she's home with 3 kids (10, 5, 3) without too many friends yet. But I also know this is the same woman who locked me in grandma's basement after convincing me that Freddy lived under the stairs.
Report This| Share this:Negativityknowing my sister probably a mix of both. I know she's under a lot of stress right now they just transfered to Germany in August and then BIL got deployed to Iraq in Jan so she's home with 3 kids (10, 5, 3) without too many friends yet. But I also know this is the same woman who locked me in grandma's basement after convincing me that Freddy lived under the stairs.
GigiSage replied to michelleloehr's response:
Ack... that would be a hard situation... and my mom would understand where you are coming from! She is now clausterphobic (sp?) after her brothers asked her to get something out of a tunnel they made with hay bales and then when she crawled in they put one behind her so she couldn't get out. She was only 5 or 6 at the time, siblings can be mean...
Report This| Share this:NegativityAck... that would be a hard situation... and my mom would understand where you are coming from! She is now clausterphobic (sp?) after her brothers asked her to get something out of a tunnel they made with hay bales and then when she crawled in they put one behind her so she couldn't get out. She was only 5 or 6 at the time, siblings can be mean...
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