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We answer all types of Neurology/Neurological questions about the brain, spinal cord, and peripheral nerves. Include your age, sex, current meds, and known diagnoses, upcoming/completed appointments, tests, or procedures. We are not physicians. We help explain medical terminology and give support.
Tbi
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madog12 posted:
My husband had a fall 6 months ago and has a traumatic brain injury . He is home and is functioning very well. However he is quick to anger and wants nothing to do with me. We have been married for 22 years. He is rude and doesn't talk to me. Will this pass as he continues to heal. ( he has gone through inpatient and outpatient rehab)
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lifes responded:
Hi,

I was going to formulate my own answer, but the article below says most of it better than I could. The first thing, though, that I would ask is this: What was your husband's attitude and demeanor toward you when he was in the hospital or rehab? If he acted more pleasantly toward or inclusive toward you when in a hospital, I'd then wonder what frustrations or losses he is now feeling when he confronts life and home situations? If you can identify what precedes an angry outburst or him pushing you away, you might approach him (when calm) about what you noticed and how he can help work out a plan. Also, is it possible he feels he's lost his place to be the "man of the house" because, in his mind, you've taken over? You might slowly introduce small ways that give him control and put him into the 'authority' position. How? No one, even children, like feeling told what to do, so if you can offer limited choices and ask him what he wants. "John, would you like peas or corn with dinner tonight?" "Would you prefer we take a walk or watch a movie?"

Don't hesitate to call his doc or rehab specialist for help. They can guide you and help get your husband to agree to try new plans that put more control in your husband's hands.

The other thing, and I suspect this would be hard for any married person, set aside making any of this into conclusions about your marriage and don't add on to your husband 'marriage talk'. Right now, your husband is still recovering. What you see now could possibly change, if you work with experts in TBI. You also need support. No married couple gets advanced training in "how to help my spouse recover after a brain injury", so reach out to profs who deal with TBI. Don't make any conclusions about whether he loves you, whether your marriage will 'survive', etc., nor about his feelings about you or love for you. I suspect you are simply the target for a lot of his frustration, fear, anxiety, and him adjusting to this changed world. I wish the rehab would have made outpatient counseling part of discharge planning, so he wouldn't see it as your decision, but a medical decision. Perhaps his Dr can talk about "Counseling is the next step of your rehab" so your hubby won't argue with you about going?

Here's the article. At the bottom of the page is a link to other tips for spouses.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/professor-cromer-learns-read/201203/after-brain-injury-the-dark-side-personality-change-part-2
 
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madog12 responded:
Dear Lifes, Thank you so much for your reply!! It helps tremendously. He was very pleasant at the rehabs and changed when he was discharged. I will definitely read the link you recommended. Thanks again.


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