Baby's First Year Community

Dr. Shu great topic. What are your suggestions as a Ped doctor on how best to discipline a 2 or 3 year old?

Of the parents on the board how do you think you'll discipline your children?

I tend to disagree with this study to include ALL children. The issue is not the spanking, but the abuse that children receive when the parent is disciplining under the influence of their own anger, and not the act of the child.

Spanking should be utilized very carefully. From my experience, most of the alternatives do not always work, and in my experience with my own children and of other's children, time-outs and such have only increased other unacceptable behaviors, given a power to children over the parents, and God forbid the schools and Dept of Children's Services.

The schools and other care providers complain about the behavior, but since corporal punishment is gone out of the school, they can do nothing. The parents expect discipline problems to "go away" and to have the school "deal" with it. The parents would probably utilize corporal punishment in the home when it is necessary, but schools teach the children from daycare on up that spanking needs to be reported to DHS/ CPS and then the parents get investigated and "labeled" as abusers. Can you imagine the power that the children have over the parents now???

In my opinion, the many adults that take it too far in the corporal punishment of their children have now spoiled the whole idea and it's necessity in certain instances of parenting.

Not only for this cause, but in addition to other causes, are we dealing with a society of children, teens, young adults who do not respect authority, most likely not held accountable, and why we see these generations out of control. Again, my opinion.

My baby girl will be 8 months on the 18th and I've been spanking her butt and hand for 2 weeks already. Since she's started crawling and pulling her self up on things to stand she has been getting into things she's not supost to.

I started off by pulling her away from what I didn't want her to get into and sat her down away from it and said "NO! You leve that alone!" in a serius tone and pointed my finger in her face. After a few days I started or Daddy started spanking her hand along with the pulling her away and saying "NO" bit. That worked for a few days. Thin we started spanking her butt.

That works now and now some times I dont have to spank her. All I have to do is holed my hand up or snap my fingers and point at her and she quits.

Oh yeah. When we spank. It's 3 swift pats on a dipperd butt.

Ch3rip00l,
i totally agree with you. I am a parent of 2 and i believe that spanking to discipline is needed. I shows my kids that I am the parent and that I mean business when they've acted beyond the parameters that have been set for our family. Now i am not saying that they recieve this punishment for every offense, quite the opposite. BUT, they do get a spanking here and there depending on the behavior. Even my 14 month old gets a crack on the hand or a little flick on her lips if she misbehaves. An example...I can't seem to keep her curious hands away from light sockets. No matter where we go she finds them with no covers on them and tries to stick her little fingers in them. Telling her no over and over does no good. She gets the offending hand popped, told no and why and moved away. This is a protective correction. If she yells at me for correcting her or taking something from her that she should not have, she gets a little tap across the lips for the behaviour. This is how i was raised and I see nothing wrong with this. As long as they are explained the reasons for the correction, the spanking seems to work.
Now if i could find a way to get my pre-teen boy to mind me, all the better. He's getting a little too big to be putting across my knee...LOL

Americas_girl, why start spanking so early? At 8 months of *course* she is getting in to things she is not supposed to. That is precisely what babies that age do -- they are curious. They do NOT have the cognitive ability to understand why they shouldn't. This is why we, as parents, are supposed to baby-proof our homes. That there are things she can reach that she shouldn't at her age means you haven't baby-proofed enough, really. I can't see why you would spank HER for your failure to baby-proof.

I know that is harsh. But I am steamed at the idea of spanking a BABY. Learn something more about child development. Learn something about a *baby's* development, what their cognitive abilities are at such a tiny, young age. She quits because she is scared of you. I have three kids; the youngest, who is a baby, trusts and loves me, and that is what a young baby needs -- to trust and love her parents so that she can feel safe in the world. Being scared of your parents as a baby? Not good.

Spanking is 100% not necessary in raising children.

Spanking should not be used as a go-to punishment for any child. All other avenues should be used and spanking as only a last resort for repeated disobeying. It should also never be used on a child too young to know right from wrong and you should make sure your child understands the rules before they get into trouble.

One of the methods at Daycare we used that made for a much easier time with the kids was when they got in trouble and went to a time out at the end of the time out they had to explain to use what they did wrong, what rule was broken and what they should do next time to avoid breaking the rule. It was quite effective for school aged children.

One boy in particular that has Aspergers we would stop him before free time/games and ask him to tell us the rules for playing. We noticed when we made him do this BEFORE playing that he followed the rules a lot better and didn't freak out when he was put in time out for disobeying.

All children will have different needs and to be honest - not one method will work all the time with every child. You should evaluate your childs needs and abilities before punishing. You should also look into prevention of them disobeying. Talking about the rules before playing may be all you need so your child doesn't misbehave.

I agree to the fullest. Spanking an infant is unfathomable. 8 month old babies do not understand the concept of following rules. I would seriously recommend counseling and/or parenting classes for you.

*sighs* Cause and Effect. I would think by now that some babies or atleast my baby has learned that if she dose one thing, some thing ells will happen cuz of what she did.

Like. If I criy, Mommy will come to me. If I push a button on a toy, it will make noise. If I make this face, every one will laugh and pay more attention to me. ect...

So I would think that she would think. If I play with things on the tables or mess with the heater, I will get a spanking.

But other thin that. I dont think she is scared of me. She loves me to death. All she loves saying alot is "Mama, Mama, Mama" she comes to me more. Cries when I go into the next room for a split second to toss her dipper away. And Daddy is the one who dose the most spanking. I just snap my fingers and point as a worning most of the time. She dont criy when I do so ether. But she dose know what will happen if she dosent stop.

But it also is hard to baby proof your friends and familys houses when you dont go there often enough for thim to wast there time and money to do so. And you cant keep a crawling baby happy forever in a play pen or walker. And it's hard for us to fully baby proof a rented apartment when the land lord wont let us make any alterations to the place. I meen its just one room I have to worry about. The living room. So all we have to do is make sher she stays off the tables and leve the wall gas heater alone. We would take it down and put it away till winter if we could. But the land lord said no and thin she wont know to leve it alon in the winter when it is on. Thin she will get burned cuz she didnt know better. I dont care if she pulls her self up on the chairs, couch, gates and the walls. But the heater and tables are off limits.

But yeah. I'm just rambiling now. I was a bit peeved when I started tipeing. But now I'm all "eh what ever" now.

But yeah. Every one I know, my Mom, Grandma, Mother Inlaw, and the rest of mine and my Husbands family knows we spank our baby girl and their okay with it. They are the ones that reasherd me that it was okay. And they spanked me and my husband when we were little and we ternd out fine and we are gratefull for it too.

But yeah. I think I'll shut up now. ^_^

I tend to agree and disagree with all that has been written. I was spanked as a child but only in very rare occasions. I plan on using spanking on my son when he is older but again only for certain things. The main thing is safety.
You can not tell me that you would not grab your 2 or 3 year old child's hand and swat it if she or he were to put it on the hot stove. The word "no" often does not register with them and you can not reason with a toddler. I've worked with that age for many years and have taken my nieces for over 5 years.
My husband and I were told to discipline them if need be. At home they are often put in time out for discipline but spanked for big things.
We used spanking (swat on the diapered behind) as toddlers or a two finger swat on the hand. This was enough to get their attention and then be able to explain what is wrong.
Now that the oldest is 5 I do not believe that we should use spanking as a method of discipline for normal 5 year old things. We use time out and make her explain the rules and what she did wrong. BUT, she took off toward the road on Sunday in out care and my husband had to yell, at the top of his lungs, to get her to stop. When he got to her he told her if she did that again (not the first time) he would spank her behind. This is when I believe spanking is appropriate.
Americas_girl, don't worry about what everyone else thinks. As long as you aren't spanking her for everything she gets into or doing normal baby curious things I think you are fine. We all do things different as parents and I've learned to tune out people when they judge my ways of parenting.
Good luck!

I would not spank for any reason, not for touching a stove, not for any reason. Would I forcefully pull her hand away? Absolutely. If I was in arms reach, why would I hit her rather than pull her away? You can teach a two or three year old to stay away from dangerous things. I do not understand the logic in hitting a kid to keep them safe; hitting them dissipates their feeling of safety and security.

America's Girl, of course your daughter loves you to death. But I promise you, there are better ways than hitting. Many cultures DO NOT spank. America has places a weird emphasis on punishment; being a child is about learning. They get into things, they do things that aren't safe, they test their boundaries; but we can teach them without spanking them.

I spank my daughter. Not hit her. Ther is a difference. I think spanking is a swift pat on the (dipperd) butt or a tap on the hand with the pom of your hand. Hitting is when you backhand, use your fist, and/or an object of any kind, to any part of you kids body.

Yes I know why some people thinks it's rong to spank. It, with some people can go to far. And I think the same thing gose for verbal punishment.

Verbal Abuse is harsh. I from personal experince, think it's worst thin Phisical Abuse.

I also no when I'm geting to mad to deal with her ether way. I have a tindency to yell and sckreem at people when I'm realy mad. I have more control over my anger phisicaly thin I do verbaly. So thats something I know I need help dealing with.

But this is a very hot topic and every one has their own ways of deal with their kids. And I see nothing rong with the other methods of disaplin. I think it all depends on the kid on what form you use at all or the most..... And the age of the kid too.

So yeah. I think I'll just leve this topic alone now and just call a truths and agry to disagry. ^_^

Abuse of any kind is not okay; I'm not sure why you felt I was advocating the berating of children.

I wasn't. I was just saying that with some people, bothe verbal and phisical punishment can go to far. It all depends on the persons timperment and if they can control their temperment. On wether if it gose to far or not.

But yeah. And pregger1 . Thanks. We are the few proud spankers in this Poll. ^_^