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I let her CRY-IT-OUT! :'(
Brianna914 posted:
Oh WHY oh WHY did I do this to my baby girl and to MYSELF! I was crying right along with her at the end! I was puting my little girl to bed by laying with her in my arm and nursing her to sleep.

She is VERY fussy at bedtime and i Was so tired of hearing her scream, so one night I tried that method and it worked wonders. (FYI - I work midnights so I try to make sure she is sleeping soundly before i leave at 10:00 pm. I cannot stand the thought of her screaming for her mommy and not be there! My husband bottle feeds her breastmilk overnight.)

Last night my husband asked my NOT to lay with her and to put her to sleep the normal way. The normal way being if she cries I hold her in the rocker until she falls asleep and then put her in her swing. Yes she still sleeps in her swing! She is almost 4 months (on 9-27.) My husband is worried that she'll get used to me sleeping with her and once she has to go to her swing she will not want to stay there. Understandable. SO I tried the normal way and she was simply inconsolable. I couldn't stand it. I tried her crib, lying her on her tummy, her swing, holding her and eventually I just put her in her swing, sat on the floor infront of her and soothed her by my touch and my voice while she SCREAMED and sobbed herself to sleep. I was sobbing silently right along with her! oH i AM A MESS TONIGHT AT WORK!

Did I make a mistake letting her just cry it out? I feel like a terrible mother. My heart hurts for her. Any suggestions as to why she does this EVERY night? If i lay with her to put her to sleep is that "spoiling" her??? Help!
kefdc responded:
Brianna, I hear you--see my previous post on sleep training not working. I've cried more than my DS has and am honestly convinced he'll never self soothe. It's never easy, but as they figure it out it gets easier. The irony is, they never seem to notice--my son is all smiles in the am.

As many on this board will attest, you don't have to do CIO. You can continue doing what you're doing and hope that she'll figure it out on her own. If it's not right for you, there is no reason you're required to do it. Also there are hybrid methods out there. I'm developing my own.

I will tell you he too slept in a swing for 3 months due to reflux but before I started the cry it out method, I did swing to crib transition. It's too much to do all at once. One thing at a time. The strategy that worked for us, was to use nap times for a week or so to "practice" before going to bedtime in the crib. It was rough but it worked. I also used a boppy pillow to make him feel "contained" like the swing (note this requires checking on them quite a bit) for a week, then a headrest from the carseat, and now nothing. Then, we tried cry it out full force for a week, but he was going through a growth spurt so that didn't work. I'm now using nap times for that as well as the first "sleep" of the night to get him used to it. I plan to add it to night wakings soon. I know you're supposed to be consistent with these things (every sleep for an extended period) but he's in this strange sleeping/eating period due to growth so I will try the all the time cry it out again for a week.

Hang in there--remember for your DD you may need to change one thing at a time. And I hear you it sucks, you'll feel like a terrible mom, but helping your child sleep one way or another is a good thing.
JMomma1 responded:
always read, U CAN NOT SPOIL UR BABY IN THE FIRST YEAR. and i believe it.i always have people tell me i spoil my baby by holding her so much. and even feeding on demand. uh, if i recognize my dd hunger cues and feed her before she crys people say im spoiling her. why? i know shes hungry, why does she have to cry and get upset if i can feed her and keep her happy. do some research and u will find that u cant spoil a baby. they are demanding, but they cant do anything for themself. when my dd gets like that (rarely) i change her, bathe her, feed her, rub her hair/face, tummy or back, swaddle her, paci, or the best thing that works for me- the moby wrap. that wrap makes her feel so secure and snug she stops crying immediately. and i just want to say in my opinion, u should not CIO at 3 1/2 mos. thats too young. she needs to know u are there. its a very bonding experience putting ur baby to sleep. why doesnt dh put her to sleep sometimes? i know when me or baby gets frustrated its good for dad to step in and comfort her to bed. this is my second child and i have made mistakes, and learned from them. u just gotta try everything to find what works for u. please no CIO, i think that is for people who dont care or are lazy. i think its ok if ur super frazzled to lay her in a safe place for 5-10 min max, gather ur self, take a breather, try again when ur more calm. hth!
Poisongirl98 responded:
I agree with the pp, you cannot spoil a baby, especially one who is not even 4 months old yet. In fact, babies whose cries are not responded to (or responded to very little), actually cry more as they get older and have a harder time with emotional regulation and attachment/separation anxiety. I personally am not a fan of strict CIO, but that is neither her nor there. From everything I have read on any kind of sleep training, 4 months is the absolute earliest to even begin anything like that, and for most babies it's 6 months. Most babies until then need some kind of soothing to at least help them get drowsy. Can you soothe her to the point where she is very drowsy, but still awake, and then put her down? She may get mad at first and if she does you can pick her back up again. You may have to do this repeatedly for it to work. You can also try putting her in the swing but turning it off, because babies will eventually have to learn how to sleep without motion. As they get older, motion sleep (e.g., swing, car, stroller) is not very good quality sleep. Also, keep in mind that as babies develop self-soothing skills they will just learn to put themselves to sleep on their own without any sleep training.
Brianna914 replied to Poisongirl98's response:
I only let her cry it out last night because of what my husband said. I am NOT an advocate of this method and i will NOT do it again. I am saddened by the whole thing. Tonight I laid with her and nursed her to sleep napped with her for about 2 hours and THEN put her in her swing and she was an angel. Not a peep. I work midnights and my husband works evenings so we are rarely home together at night. Since I am always home at her bedtime, I always put her to bed. This way it stays consistant. I am very nervous about switching her to the crib. If she's even slightly awake she throws a fit even in her swing! I think she'll be sleeping in that swing until she outgrows it! (22lbs.) I have been laying her in her crib after her bath so she gets used to the crib itself. Her swing in now in her room so she is getting used to being in her room. In the beginning she was in the living room while I slept on the hide-a-bed! Wish me luck ladies. Thank you so much for the responses.
MySilverLining replied to Brianna914's response:
Hello. I am a 33-year experienced baby nurse, who has a decent share of common sense. First of all, let me say I agree w/ the statements about not spoiling an infant: any child less than a minimum of 5 mo. has not yet learned or gained control of their bodies enough to self-soothe well, or to understand that they are not "all alone @ sea" in a sense. That is a MINIMUM. Some children are much older, for varying reasons, & you've touched on a few of them; there are others.
I am concerned however w/ the propensity I'm noting for using a swing for sleeping in. Of course, as a baby grows & matures they become better able to tolerate being in a car seat or swing for longer periods of time. However, the Amer. Acad. of Pediatrics recommends--based upon evidence from retrospective studies--that infants ALWAYS be placed Back to Sleep, with a pacifier & w/o "bumpers" or rolled blankets. Also, that they not be in a car seat (pretty much the same as a swing) for longer than 60-90 minutes. The smaller the infant (& weaker their muscles) the more likely you will see babes w/ their chins on their chests & their airway constricted or cut off.
If one has a child who seems to experience significant reflux problems, they recommend that you boost the head of the bed (mattress) slightly. If they have a more serious case, they may need medication. IN ANY CASE, they should NOT be placed on their tummies or in a swing for sleeping at night.
It is also acceptable to CAREFULLY & JUDICIOUSLY swaddle them w/ a blanket that they will not be able to wiggle loose & possibly get over their face, imitating being in the womb again, which is very soothing for them.
Keep up the courage! We all learn as we go w/ our children!
kefdc replied to MySilverLining's response:
Hi Silver Lining,

Not to contridict, but had 2-3 doctors tell me it's okay to sleep a child in a carseat or swing since some do not want to sleep in a crib and many like motion. My DS was a preemie and the dr explicitly told me to do it when he had trouble sleeping in his bassinett. Most cradle swings are designed at 30-45 degree angle which is not far off from what they tell you to prop the mattress at. And that didn't work for us since DS rolled down the wedge at 20 degrees and woke up screaming. I would actually argue that a swing less dangerous than co-sleeping (no data here) when not done properly with whatever those devices you're supposed to use are.

However, to your point, a very very young infant (under 4 weeks) should not do this for the respitory reasons you described. At minimum all children should go through a carseat challenge at the hospital (where they're monitored in their carseat for 60 minutes for breathing) But we're discussing a 4 month old who is likely pretty solid, can move its head up down and left and right at this point.

I'm learning very quickly from DS and from these boards that every child is different and you have to tinker to find out what works. I applaud Brianna for ensuring her little one is able to get sleep (a huge battle for many--me included) so she can grow and develop.
MizLeah responded:
I understand you feel bad and do not think your should use the CIO method every night but I do not think any one should make you feel bad for using it one night. (Alhtough i do not think this was their intention.) I do not use the CIO method but understand your husband's request for you not to lay with the baby every night to put her to sleep. I am sure when it is his turn to put her for a nap or anything it makes it that much mroe difficult.

Take baby steps to getting her in her crib. I let my daughter sleep in he rboppy in her crib for a while. She was used to sleeping on my chest and I changed that to sleeping on a pillow next to me in bed. I do not use CIO but when she is very fussy I will put her in her crib like less then five minutes and let her tire out a bit. Then when I pick her up and console her she falls asleep quick. I will also swaddle her while she is sleeping. My daughter loves her swing as well so sleeping in the boppy or one one of the pillows from my bed puts her at a perfect angle. GL and do whatever works best for you.
Brianna914 replied to MySilverLining's response:
Thank you all for such awesome responses! Last night and the night before Anya, my soon-to-be 4 month old baby girl, went to sleep wihtout much of a fight. FINALLY! She is still sleeping in her swing and she will continue to sleep there until I can transition her to her crib.

TOnight she was drowsy when I put her in her swing, and she drifted off to sleep while I sat on the floor by her. This is a FIRST. She normally screams if i try to let her fall alseep on her own. SO, although it may not seem like it, this is a step in the right direction. I am hoping that if I can get her to fall asleep on her own in her swing, THEN I can start to transition her to her crib.

She doesn't like to be swaddled anymore. She just cries harder if i restrict her movement. She seems truly scared when i try to leave her in her crib. Her cry is instantly a scream and she seems terrified that I may not be coming back. She did this just today when i left her for a few mintues to get her bath ready. She does this occasionally and i cannot tell why. Today she just so happened to be in her crib. Other times she'll start screaming right out of sleep, even while i am holding her. She doesn;t scrunch up like it's gas. Bad dreams maybe?

Anyway, I am hoping to transition her to her crib for nap starting this weekend while I am off. I may try putting her down in her crib once she's dead asleep for the night too. She has a hard time sleeping anywhere but in my arms for naps. I can;t even put her in her in her swing unless she's out cold. SO since I work nights, it's perfectly fine for her to sleep in my arm next to me while I sleep as well. It's a different story when I'm off so we have to come up with a routine that works for working and off days alike. Suggestions?

There just doesn't seem to be any consistency with how she is falling asleep. It takes a different approach almost every night. BUT at least sle's sleeping right??? |

THanks again for the replies!
Larich_408 replied to Brianna914's response:
Oh girl, don't feel bad for letting her CIO. She's doesn't even remember I'm all for CIO but not until they are old enough to soothe themselves to sleep. I'd say that comes between 6- 10 months old.

I started letting DD CIO at 6 months old. (She's 7.5 months now). If she cries longer than 10 minutes I go and get her but usually she cries for a few minutes, which is just her way of soothing herself to sleep, and goes to bed. tonight i nursed her until she JUST closed her eyes and then i stuck her in her crib (still awake! i think thats the most important thing).

4 months old is way too young to spoil! you will NOT spoil her by nursing her to sleep. BUT i will say that you are gonna have a long road ahead of you if you don't break the habit of her sleeping in her crib. i highly recommend that you transfer her to her crib or bassinet when she falls asleep. when she gets to about 6-7 months she should be put in her crib awake. i learned this the hard way with my son.

good luck, i hope it works out for you! :O)
Therealdad responded:
Hi first of all im a vietnam veteran and a proud dad but the time of weak nursing must stop ladies and gentlemens are way too weak nowadays, i raised 3 mens, when they would cry for no reason i would let them cry to sleep even if it took one hour i would let them go.

Once they finally get to sleep i would wake them up with a wailing siren so now they were crying for a Reason , this did last for 2 weeks for each of my boys and trust me ,after2 weeks when they finally had sleep they enjoyed sleeping in their cribs.

Now my 3 mens are tough as hell, they all served in the marines and they combine 7 tours in irak together,they dont whine like know whats best, they are all loving family menbers and totally stables without any excess of drug alcohol.

Now toughen up you weak parents and stop putting grub on my planet, we need strong humans not weak hearted kids that break to the first bubble bath wave.

Youre soft hearted, your kids will be Thats my 2 cents and you should grab it. If you wanna survive he valley of death you must survive your crib first.

Get strong or go home
hgreenwood7058 replied to Therealdad's response:
Therealdad while its your opinion to wake them up by sirens just because they don't sleep in cribs or have some issues sleeping at night does not mean that they will grow up to be horrible people. Sleep has nothing to do with if that person is going to be good bad or indifferent. Stability, education, common sense, etc... is whats needed not sirens. I am a very strong minded and kind hearted person but you better bet that when it comes to family that I will defend mine and my child will grow up respectful and family oriented and will be able to defend himself and anyone that comes at him. He will be educated (not on drugs or alcohol because he will be taught what happens as a result of these things) and will provide for himself when he becomes an adult and this has nothing to do with whether he sleeps in his crib or somewhere else. Being respectful of others is important and not badgering them because they care how their children are affected does not make them bad people or weak. Hear are my two cents. This is not the valley of death and you do not need to survive a crib to survive in life.

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