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    Newborn and Grandparents must have shots, or NO Contact!!
    An_204555 posted:
    This is about babies and vaccines.

    My daughter-in-law is how would you say it nicely, a very controlling person and keeps trying to keep us from contact with our grandchildren. The oldest is 4 and the youngest is 3 months old!

    Our son is slowly building confidence and is starting to stand up for us!

    She will say various things about our grandchildren, trying to keep us from spending alone time or holding them and our son will give us a look like, "I don't know what she is talking about" or that "I don't agree with her" and "this is the 1st I've heard of this"

    Anyway, she is telling us, that unless we both have our flu, & polio shots or something like that, *I have had mine but my wife has allergies to food coloring, dyes, artificial and preservatives* Anyway, unless we have all these shots, we can not hold or kiss the baby, but we can be around her!

    But what is the truth?? Is she correct or is she playing one of her controlling games? Even though I have had mine, and my wife hasn't, she will not allow me near the baby either!!!

    Please help two grandparents that love their grandbabies!!!
    phoenix31674 responded:
    Wow. I'm speachless. i can understand wanting you to have the flu shot this time of year and she might be talking about whooping cough since that's been going around especially in California, but all over the US. The youngest is too young for the flu vaccine, but honestly, unless one of your is showing symptoms, that is definite overkill. my mom and the inlaws recently visited us when DS was born (he's 11 weeks now, but was younger then), but it never occurred to me to insist they got they got their flu shots. Heck, my mom held off getting her shingles shot until after the visit just in case. No need to expose DS to the possibility of chicken pox.

    Is there a clergyperson or other compassionate but not involved 3rd person you could get involved to mediate? It sucks to pull someone else into this, but she clearly does not seem to like or trust you and your wife for some reason. You could try to ask her yourself, just address the elephant in the room, but she might not be forthcoming without someone to help her put her feelings into words.

    I wish you the best of luck, but I know of no valid medical reason for her paranoia as long as you aren't showing symptoms of being sick.
    roni090909 responded:
    Personally I think its a little extreme. I wouldn't let family around my LO if they are sick but I would never demand them to get shots or not she my kids. This is really your son's place to stand up to her. It is not fair to you all or the kids. They deserve relationships with people that love them.

    What is she going to do when the kids enter school? Not everyone is vaccinated there.
    phoenix31674 replied to roni090909's response:
    Makes me wonder if DIL knows about the fact that while school systems 'require' shots, you can get exemptions based on personal belief in pretty much every state.

    Sadly, I know of other fathers like your son who don't want to rock the boat - even if something hurts them on a personal level. Hopefully DIL can be made to see how valuable it will be for you to be involved with grandchildren. i loved being able to know my grandparents and would never deny my kids that. Maybe she never had that relationship with hers.
    kefdc responded:
    Sounds like there is family tension here for other reasons that you may want to address. I understand why you may think this is ridculous but I sort of get it.

    The fact of the matter is that at 3 months, a baby will not have a full round of vaccines for whooping cough and is not eligible for a flu vaccine for another 3 months not to mention other illnesses. There are risks--babies, particularly those born prematurely or physically imparied are most at risk. There are several thousand deaths and hospitalizations per year of infants from flu etc. You can transmit these illnesses even if you're not showing symptoms. Additionally, this is RSV season. Infants of that age are particularly at risk. A common cold for us, can be life threatening for them. That said, until the child is through full round of shots (around 6 months) you can still touch and be around the child provided you sanitize your hands, etc.--maybe shouldn't kiss if you choose to not be vaccinated...Now why you can't hold the kid if you do that--that's a family issue.

    As for vaccines and schools--yes you can be exepmted but by then her child WILL be vaccinated and at lesser risk. The first 6 months of life (or the three months in this case) are at question.

    I have to say, my MIL was SICK AS A DOG and came to visit my son at 3 weeks old. I made her (all of us) wash like crazy and wear a mask but she could be there to see him. She refuses to get a flu vaccines and until my son was 6 mo she had to wash and sanitize until that point. She grumbled, but I told her it was her choice--get the shot or take percautions. But in no circumstances did I deny her the right to see her grandchild.
    tamliz08 responded:
    I get it, but I do think she's being overbearing. I have asked family members to get their flu vaccines since the doctor told me it would be a good idea with the baby being too young to get one himself. But that's it - I just ASKED, not demanded.

    Actually, my husband's Aunt watches my kids. I asked her to get her flu shot, and she never did. This past week her and her daughter both came down with H1N1. Luckily, my kids didn't pick it up from them, but it still made me really nervous! I wish they would have been vaccinated, but I know I can't make anyone do anything!

    I really hope you all can work this out. Hopefully one day she realizes the importance of family in a child's life!
    michelleloehr replied to tamliz08's response:
    Do I understand your DIL need to keep her baby safe, yes. I require that everyone sanitize their hands before touching DD and I have the rule you can't kiss her on the mouth or hands. RSV is very scary my niece got RSV at 2 months and was in NICU for almost 3 weeks so yes the baby needs protected.

    Do I think she's gone to the extreme, yes. I'm going w/ what other pp have said there is more to this family dynamic than a wish to keep the baby healthy and that is what needs to be addressed here not the flu vaccine that is just the current battle.
    Sophia_F responded:
    If you are a grandparent that truly love and care about your grandchildren, you would get vaccinated! I am sorry but it is as simple as that. I am shocked to see the posts supporting such a selfish attitude!!! I am an MD and completely understand your DIL concerns (the only thing I don't understand is why not letting you close to the children if you received your vaccines.., for your wife it is a different issue...), and honestly, I would not let my parents close to my newborn children if they didn't get pertussis and flu vaccines, as much as I love them. But my parents also love my kids and their grandchildrens health is their priority too, thus I have never had to negotiate such a thing that should be a no brainer! I don't know what allergies your wife is reffering to, but there are different vaccin preparations and as an MD I am quite sure there is a safe one for her as well!
    I don't know if you really realize that newborns are extremely fragile and can die or have lifetime complications because of those diseases. Adults often simply sperad germs without even knowing they are sick, hence the need to vaccinate yourself to protect newborns who are too small to get a shot themselves! What is more important to you, avoiding a little side effect of vaccination or protecting your grandchild from death? Geez!!!
    wilsondeb replied to Sophia_F's response:
    Little side effect of vaccination?
    coldsalmon responded:
    I just have been going through this but on a deeper level. My son and his GF have been giving us the run around and putting us off every time we have tried to see the baby since birth to now 7weeks. The first week we both got the tdap shot b/c she required it. Our flu shots are up to date. We have no illnesses or signs of any. She informed us finally that we cannot see the baby until 3 months because we might cotaminate the baby. I told her she was rude and insulting and nevermind. My son has never stood up once for us to see the baby. I have lost interest. She is hurting her child! Ironic isn't it.
    coldsalmon replied to Sophia_F's response:
    Sincee when are grandparents banned from their grandchildren? If they take all their "shots" why can't they bond wit their grandchild? Wow - no wonder are children are so self-centered!

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