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Conforming your child...vent.
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daisy729 posted:
So, I've been thinking a lot lately about all these different 'rules' you are supposed to follow as a parent. I'm not talking about serious ones that are for your child's safety or health. I'm thinking about the one's that are guidelines, but when you read and hear about them over and over again, they seem more like rules.

For example, your child should be off the bottle when they are a year old. Or, you should start letting your child CIO at 6 months. Or, you should really start thinking about potty training your child at 2-3 years. Etc etc.

Not every child can fit into the perfect 'box'. And, when you tell them, oh, he's still taking his milk from a bottle at 16 months, some people give you a funny look. Then, they immediately jump to conclusions and think I'm lacking in something, maybe I'm lazy, or too attached to bottle feeding. Why can't it be that I just don't think Dane is ready to drop his bottle? Why do some people get so upset by these things? I won't have a high school kid still drinking out of a bottle, when my child goes to college, I'm sure he will be potty trained. Things happen when they should. Of course, we should encourage our children because they will eventually show interest in what you are doing. Dane is showing interest in using a cup. He goes into the bathroom with me, soon he will be intrested in using the toilet like mom and dad.

I just don't understand why I need to PUSH them to do something when I don't see any signs that they are ready? And, why do I feel the need to defend myself when people do look at me funny? Why am I so concerned about what a person in the store thinks of me? They see a small little snippet of my life and make a judgement. I am guilty of doing that too. But, for some reason, when it comes to my parenting abilities, claws come out and I get overly upset about it?
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MontanaMama2009 responded:
I've been a strong voice in this WebMD parenting community for letting our LOs take the lead in weaning, toilet training, etc.

So I think you're on the right track, absolutely!

No claws here...just a two-fingered peace sign.
 
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daisy729 replied to MontanaMama2009's response:
I know you have, and I think that is one of the reasons why I'm letting go of my, "My child should be doing this or that by now" inner voice. Which, I truely appreciate :)

But, I still have that part of me that feels the need to defend my decisions to people. Just because someone does something one way, doesn't mean my way is wrong, or that my way is what they should do. I need to get over that.

I like hearing the other voices and other sides of things. I certainly didn't in the beginning, but I would like to think that I have grown in my journey.
 
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MontanaMama2009 replied to daisy729's response:
Having that, "ahhhh, so what," attitude when other parents get confrontational is hard to develop.

Gets easier by the third child.
 
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magsnemma responded:
I'm with you on this as well. My pedi's office pushed me to start potty training my almost 18 month old. I decided not to, although I nodded my head like a bobble head doll in their office. I don't really have any advice, but if I see you in Target and your LO is melting down, all you'll get from me is a sympathetic smile. I know better than to judge now that I have a LO. :)
 
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katieb426 responded:
It's all a matter of having confidence in yourself. This is a huge struggle for me. I want to be liked and I want to please everyone. I hate that about myself!
One side of our family might think that DH and I aren't strict enough. Another side thinks we're too strict. One kid I'll potty train right at 2 yrs old. The other kid didn't get potty trained until 3yrs old. I've breastfed, formula fed, etc. It has all depended on each kid. Then there are things that we don't compromise on for our kids.

I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say. But I do understand where you are coming from. I do my best for my kids and I am far from perfect. I've made many mistakes, but overall, I think I'm doing a pretty good job with them. I need to have confidence in this!

And like PP said, at least it makes me less judgmental of other parents. It's a hard job and I respect all moms who are trying their best- even if they do things differently than me!
 
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NicoleCoy01 responded:
OH man I sooo agree! Savana is 15 months old, although she has been pretty much off the bottle since she was 13 months old she does not sleep through the night. I took her to her 15 month appt this past week and the pedi asked if she is sleeping through the night, no I responded and she looked at me like WTH kind of mom are you. I told her she wakes up and wants some milk so I give her a few ounces in her bottle and thats that. We have a routine and it works for our family. I mean shes not 5 years old shes not even a year and a half yet yanno. Anyways the pedi said to bascially shut her in her room alone, don't check on her when she cries and don't turn the monitor on and she will cry as long as she wants and eventually go to sleep. Who is she to tell me what I should do with my child? Yeah I WISH she would sleep through the night but for me that is not an option. In her own time she will sleep through the night, just like sleeping in her crib. She co-slept with us until she was 1. I tried when she was 4, 6, 8, 9 and 10 months old to put her in her crib and it just didn't work. When she was 1 I bought her a crib (we got rid of her old one when we moved to a new state) and she was ready. She runs to her bed at night and is happy to sleep in it. Everyone including my mom told me I was crazy to let her sleep with me for that long, but they don't know my daughter. She just wasn't damn ready for it and I HATE it when ppl assume a 15 month old she be doing what their 15 old does. Not all infant/toddlers are the same. They do everything at their own pace. I mean everyone gets on ppl about bottles at 15-16 months but I see posts all the time about LO not walking at a certain age and thats ok, a paci or bottle should be ok until we as parents say, period!
 
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NicoleCoy01 replied to NicoleCoy01's response:
Sorry I meant I put a few ounces in her sippy cup (occasionally bottle if I'm to lazy to wash out sippy cups in the night).
 
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RunninMama responded:
I hear you. I feel those same pressures sometimes. I was so stressed about having our DS off the bottle at 12 months because our old pedi said there was no reason for him to need it anymore. My Mommy self knew it wasn't a big deal; Owen certainly wouldn't have gone to college with a bottle. (Or if he did, he'd know how to hide it!) My obedient self listened to the "doctor" and had O off the bottle at a year. Thankfully it was an easy transition, but still. That's the least of the problems we had with that doc, though.

We just had DS 18 mth appt today with a new doctor. The pedi asked if we were potty training yet. I told him it's not even on our radar yet! My kid is barely talking! He thankfully said it wasn't a big deal, he agrees that kids will develop at their own rate. I love this new doc!
 
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cheeezie25 responded:
I agree with Katie, I think alot of it just has to do with confidence. When I first had DS, I didn't feel like I had a clue what I was doing, so I was always so paranoid whether I was doing things the "right" way and would get really anal because I felt like if I did stuff that wasn't perfect, something bad would happen. Honestly, I was probably my own worst critic, but it didn't help when grandparents and whoever keep trying to tell you what to do, and random people would ask you if you were bfing and crazy stuff like that (like hello, my boobs, my business!). But once I started sleeping more and slowly regaining my sanity, I realized that most things aren't life or death situations, are that I have good enough instincts as a mother to know whether something is important enough to push it and when I relax and just let DS lead the way in letting me know when he is "ready" to do whatever it is he is "supposed" to be doing at whatever age.

Just from reading all the poll threads and books and stuff, I have just come to realize that DS is just consistantly 1-2 months behind his peers in hitting his milestones. This used to bother me alot, not because he was behind 1-2 months, but because I was worried that he was really delayed, had problems causing these delays, whatever. Now, I could really care less because he is happy, healthy, and I am confident that he is just going to do everything on his own timeline, and do it well!

Like, DS would NEVER go to sleep on his onw in his crib. I tried CIO, and it just never ended up working. I ended up getting in the routine of rocking him to sleep for about 5-10 minutes each night and then laying him in his crib, but whatever, it worked, and I can think of many worse things than snuggling with your kid at night for a few minutes, KWIM? lol Anyway, last night, he just seemed fidgetty and uncomfortable, so I just randomly tried laying him in his crib with his blanket to see what happened... he was a little squirmy, but no crying or anything... he just looked like he was trying to get comfy... I listened on the monitor, and after a few minutes, all was quiet! I thought it was a fluke, but tonight went the same what with the fidgetting, so I tried laying him down while asleep in his crib with his blankie, and omg, instant success!!!

Sorry, that was kind of a long antedote, but my point is that I guess he was just ready to trade in mommy for his blankie and fall asleep on his own in his crib! No tears needed! In the back of my mind, I really thought I would need to use CIO to get him to go to sleep on his own this summer, because it really is just too hot to rock him at night where I live, but hey, guess not!

So yeah, don't sweat it if your 16 month old is still drinking from a bottle (hey, so is mine!), because eventually, he won't be. It is always good to try and offer sippies with milk from time to time, just to see if he is ready to go for it, and it's obviously not a good idea to keep your kid from doing something if they are ready to move on to a new developmental stage (like if I just continue to push the rocking, for example), but if he isn't ready, he isn't ready, and you know that. And if anyone gives you crap about it, whatever! I mean, stuff like pacis and bottles... doesn't really matter. I mean, if your kid is like 5yo walking around with a paci and bottle, you might have a problem on your hands (I've seen it... it's weird!), but let's be real, you know that isn't going to happen, so don't worry about it! That is my philosophy at least lol
 
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cheeezie25 responded:
O, and btw, our regular ped told us at DS's 12m d/a that making the full transition from bottle to sippy doesn't usually happen for most kids until they are 15-18m old. We had a different ped in the practice for DS's 15m d/a, and she seemed kinda surprised and slightly appaulled that DS was still drinking from a bottle. Doctors have medical degrees and lots of good medical knowledge, but they can't agree half the time about what the "norm" is for an age group when it comes to stuff like that.
 
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MontanaMama2009 replied to cheeezie25's response:
My second dd had a bottle and paci until she was 3. No lie. Bottle during the day, paci at night. I nursed her until she was 2-1/2.

I didn't care what others said or how they would look at me like I was a monster of a mother.

She slept well, went down for naps well, took rest times throughout her busy, play-filled days...was an all-around well-rounded child.

She's 10 now and is a bright, healthy child with no emotional scarring, LOL
 
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daisy729 responded:
I do believe it's all about having confidence in yourself. But, when Dane was born, I had zero confidence. I had never really been around babies before. Actually, the thought of having a newborn at home absolutely terrified me! So, what did I do? What I knew best, I researched and read and asked questions. So, I had a plan in mind. Dane would be doing tummy time as soon as we got home. He would be rolling when he was 4 months old. He will be walking by the time he is a year. And I thought this because this is what I had read. But, then life happened and he wasn't doing things the way I thought they were supposed to go. So, the little confidence I had was going down the tubes. I thought I was failing as a mom.
But, luckily, I got out of that funk. I didn't turn out to be the mom I thought I was going to be, but I sure am glad I am the mom I have turned out to be. And, that has taken me quite a while to embrace.
 
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MontanaMama2009 replied to daisy729's response:
I didn't turn out to be the mom I thought I was going to be, but I sure am glad I am the mom I have turned out to be. And, that has taken me quite a while to embrace.

----- Love that comment, daisy.
 
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daisy729 replied to MontanaMama2009's response:
Thanks, I'm quite proud of it actually :)

And, I'm proud of all us mom's, those who are working towards this and those who have learned to embrace their role as mom. It's a very tough road for some!


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