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Lord, give me the strength...
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daisy729 posted:
...to not want to strangle one of DH's daugthers. She is young (24) and pregnant for the first time. I undestand she is a child in an adults body and it's very difficult for her to focus her thoughts and attention to what is important (not because of her age, that is just the way she is). I understand she really wants a February baby, but telling her doctor a different date of her LMP does not make it happen, I'm not joking here people.

I feel awful for saying this, but I really think she loves the IDEA of being a mom, not actually BEING a mom. Does that make sense? She just sees being a mom as someone who gets to play with babies and kids all day. She doesn't seem to understand that she will be this child's voice, this child's advocate! She has to make hard, adult decisions. And, her toad of a husband isn't much better either. Ugh.

I am sure once this baby is here, her whole outlook on life will change. But, in the back of my mind, I'm really doubting that she will change.

Alright, thank you for letting me vent. Everything will be ok and it will work out. Me fretting about it isn't going to change anything....right?
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ad1978 responded:
Wow, you have a 24 yr old step daughter?! Do you mind me asking how old you are? I just can't imagine having a "kid" that old right now! :)
 
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cheeezie25 responded:
I think most doctors (at least mine did) go off of the first trimester ultrasounds to determine the baby's due date, so I really don't think you should be particularly concerned (at least in a medical sense) with the fact that she gave the wrong date of her LMP.

It also sounds like she just got pregnant, so she will have plenty of time to go through the range of emotions that come with the responsibility of having a child. It is hard to really understand what being a mother entails until they put that baby in your arms, and I would think that the level of responsibility that is needed to take care of another life will eventually start to sink in as she gets farther along in her pregnancy.

Btw, I was 24yo when I was pregnant with my DS, so I find it pretty offputting that you have professed that "she is a child in an adults body." It does, indeed, sound that she is a bit on the immature side; however, I know many people my age who span the gamut in terms of their levels of maturity, and I also know people twice my age who still act like teenagers. It is just my personal pet peeve when hear people correlate age with maturity, because it really is dependant upon the person and their life experiences. I know this is just your vent, so you are just steaming off all of your anger and annoyance over this situation. However, I just wanted to give you a little perspective regarding that statement, given that many younger moms (if you can even call us that.. I think the average age of mothers in the U.S. is 25yo) would take offense to those sorts of comments.
 
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daisy729 replied to cheeezie25's response:
My doctor did not go off of the u/s, she went based on LMP, so that is what I have experience with. I have an issue with her telling her doctor the wrong date...I don't understand why you would do that?

And, I understand that she will go through the whole range of emotions, it is very new for her. And she is very excited. And...I did say that she will probably change once that baby is here. It nags my brain that I don't think she won't, but I'm hoping she will.

AND, If you had read the whole sentance,I said...she is young (24) and pregnant for the first time. I undestand she is a child in an adults body and it's very difficult for her to focus her thoughts and attention to what is important (not because of her age, that is just the way she is). I don't care if she was, 15, 25, 35, or 45 she still has the mind of a child.
 
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daisy729 replied to ad1978's response:
It's a confusing story, but I will try to make it short :)

DH was previously married. She had adopted her 5 nieces and nephew because their parents died. When they married, he adopted them as well. My DH's first wife passed away, leaving him with all 5 kids. DH is 40, the oldest of the 5 kids is 29. The youngest is 23.

I hope that makes sense :)

Oh, and I'm 32. When I married DH, I became a step mom and grandma in the same day. I have kids calling me grandma before my own child has called me mom :) :)
 
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MontanaMama2009 replied to daisy729's response:
Daisy,

First off, you didn't have to defend your vent.

Just wanted to say that if she's already doing stupid stuff like changing the date of her LMP purposefully (to sway the doctor's belief that baby will be born in February?), that mama is in for a rude awakening when it comes to actual parenting.

Do you think she may mature a bit through this whole thing? Possibly? She could read up on books or watch DVDs about it. There's hope she might even join a pregnancy support group.

I'm glad you felt safe to vent on this board. This is, after all, a supportive board for those who choose to vent.
 
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cheeezie25 replied to daisy729's response:
I did, in fact, read the entire sentence. However, based on your wording and sentence structure, it appeared that "(not because of her age, that is just the way she is)" was only referring to the second part of the sentence, "it's very difficult for her to focus her thoughts and attention to what is important." And at any rate, whether or not you put a disclaimer at the end of the statement "I undestand she is a child in an adults body", I still feel like it is an offensive and somewhat unnecessary thing to say, especially after you have made a point to poin our her age in youth in the sentence directly preceeding that comment. I just wanted to let you know how a statement like that could be interpreted, so maybe you would not say something like that in the future.

I think the best thing you can do right now as a grandmother to be is take a deep breath, step back and offer support if she comes to you. The way she raises her child will be up to her, and barring any gross abuses, I think it will be important for you to respoect that and refrain from making any judgemental statements and try to let go from having them in your mind completely. We all (err, most at least) grow as we become mothers, so who knows, she may very well surprise you.
 
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cheeezie25 replied to MontanaMama2009's response:
I agree that everyone should feel open to vent here (which I acknowledged), but I think we should be mindful of our statements and how others may feel (e.g., "younger" moms) so they can feel as though this is a supportive community as well.
 
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chrisandjen0717 responded:
Daisy,

I was 24 when DD was born and I wasn't offended at all by your vent. I understand what you mean and I can sympathize b/c I have had some of the same worries about my SIL. She is not PG yet, getting married in Feb. but DH and I both worry about what will happen when she and her DF do get married and have children. It puts you in an uncomfortable position for sure. Vent away girlie! This is (usually) one of the safer boards to let some steam off in and get some constructive input to what's nagging at you. :)
 
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MontanaMama2009 replied to chrisandjen0717's response:
:)
 
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daisy729 replied to MontanaMama2009's response:
I just don't understand why she did that? I went over with her how figuring out the due date works. You go by your LMP. She did have some implantation bleeding, which I also explained to her what that was. And, she was a little put off that her due date was January. So, the next day at the doctor's office, she gave the nurse a different date of her LMP. HUH?

And, honestly, the girl is mature in that she has her bachelors degree, she pays her bills, she goes to work (when she decides to have a job), but she just sees life through rose tinted glasses. Which, considering what she has been through in life, I don't blame her one bit. But, when it just comes to dealing with problems that arise in life, she puts her head in the sand, hopes it blows over and doesn't deal with it. So, in that way, yes, I think she is a child. And, I was hoping she would get out of that stage before she has a child of her own. Because, when, or IF, she ever does, I don't think she will be happy with the path she has chosen.

I'm really hoping, and praying, that she will mature throughout this pregnancy. She has books, I have referred her to some general pregnancy sites that just gives her some broad information. But, you know that nagging part in your brain, the part that keeps you up at night...it is afraid that she won't. And I don't say this because I fear for her safety, her childs safety, or anything like that. I say this for her sanity. Like, one day she will wake up and realize, her husband is a toad, she is surrounded by his crazy family, she is far far away from any of her family and friends, she has no job, and no real support around her. Closest family is hundrest of miles away. THAT is a scary thing to realize. But, maybe for her, keeping her head down is what is best for her. Dunno.
 
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daisy729 replied to chrisandjen0717's response:
Thank you :)

I guess when I vent, it's more to figure out what is really bothering and nagging at me. Ya know, when you fight with DH over the toothpaste cap never getting put back on. Is the huge fight really over that...or is it about something deeper. So, talking (ahem, typing) it out sometimes puts a different perspective on it so I can get at what is REALLY bothering me about it.

So, thank you ladies for listening, offensive or not, but that is what is in my brain. So, now you can understand why I asked God for strength :)
 
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MontanaMama2009 replied to daisy729's response:
Well, hopefully this will cause her to mature in certain areas of her life, not only for herself, but for her baby.

(sigh.)

I just can't really offer any helpful suggestions, really. I'm sorry.

But feel free to get it all off of your chest, and don't concern yourself overly with exact wording or implications.

We know you are a considerate and kind person, and you don't intentionally hurt others on this board.

:)
 
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MontanaMama2009 replied to daisy729's response:
BTW, speaking of things DHs can do that totally make you clench your teeth...

Oh, wait. I'll make another post. This should be fun(ny).
 
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daisy729 replied to MontanaMama2009's response:
I guess maybe I wasn't necessarily looking for suggestions, although please give them to me if you have them, so no need to apologize for not having any :) But, more of a line to really work out what is in my head. I've talked to DH, he just nods and says that's how she is and shares the same fears. *sigh*


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