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The Mom Factor
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MontanaMama2009 posted:
Chances are, you're on this Nourishing Mothers board because you want to be a nurturing mother! And to be the best mother you can be, you must first analyze the relationship you had with your own mother...or else the person who raised you, maybe step-mother, grandmother?

"The Mom Factor"
by Drs. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
How your mother met your needs -- or didn't meet them -- affected you daily as a child...and STILL affects you profoundly as an adult.

According to this book, there are five types of "mothers":

  1. The Phantom Mom -- The Phantom is physically present, but is not nurturing. Some possible reasons for her limitations: she lacked the nurturing she needed as a child, she was abandoned or hurt in the past, she was emotionally empty, she feared intimacy, she was depressed (no emotional energy), she had marital pain, or she was ill.
  2. The China Doll Mom -- The China Doll Mom is an almost-suffocating mother who doesn't handle emotional distress very well. These mothers are "fragile," as a china doll is brittle, and easily damage. A China Doll Mom is unable to deal with unpleasant or stressful situations in life.
  3. The Controlling Mom -- The Controlling Mom has difficulty with her children's individuality and opinions, and often conflict arises due to this. A cycle of closeness and then breaking the closeness due to conflict. This mother has much difficulty in assisting her children in becoming individuals in their own right.
  4. The Trophy Mom -- The Trophy Mom cheers her children on at every endeavor, "You're Number One!" However, in those times of failure for a child, this mother is extremely disappointed, often angry at outsiders for her child's failure, resulting in explosive meetings with coahes or teachers to invesigate why her child had failed. The Trophy Mom validates herself with "accomplishments."
  5. The Still-The-Boss-Mom -- These moms took their parenting responsibilities very seriously and worked very diligently at "training up her child in the way (s)he should go." The Still-The-Boss-Mom quashes any sort of disagreement with her beliefs and attitudes as being "rebelliousness." Total sumission keeps the peace. They are well-intentioned mothers, but even after her children reach adulthood, these mothers still feel the need to control.
What I read is that we mother our children the same way in which we were mothered. To learn how to be a more well-rounded mother ourselves, we need to see our inadequacies and improve upon them.

This book helps you see your own area of improvement...as well as helps you reconcile with your own mother.
Me, DH of 16 years, DD1 (15yo), DD2 (10yo), DD3 (nearly 2), a labrador, a tabby cat, a lop-eared bunny, and goldfish!  Life is grand!  http://daisyheadmamas.blogspot.com/
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