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Ever have the CIO discussion in public?
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leftcoastgirl posted:
Just curious - since I'm assuming most or all of you don't use CIO - whether you've ever found yourself in a situation where you've gotten into a discussion about it with friends or acquaintances.

A couple of months ago, one of my colleagues who was on maternity leave brought her new baby boy into the office to meet everyone. The discussion turned to baby sleep habits, and two co-workers started advising the new mom that eventually she's "have to" let her baby CIO because babies "need to" learn to soothe themselves or they'll never sleep well. I said simply that we never did CIO, and Lila slept fine. I didn't want to start a fight or anything, but I didn't want the new mom to think that CIO is the only way.

Anyone else deal with something like this? If so, what did you say?
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MontanaMama2009 responded:
My best friend in the whole world is all for CIO...even though she doesn't have any children herself yet but watches/nannies others. She uses that method.

I haven't with any of the children been able to put a pillow over my head to listen to their wails and howls. As soon as I hear them crying, BAM! I'm right next to them. Because in my mind, they're either sick, cold, hot, done sleeping, hungry, poopy, or needing comforted.

No, I don't do CIO. And it's not that I've actually HAD that conversation per say, but I have plainly stated my opinion when it's brought up.

I usually say something like: "Oh, you're a brave mommy! I couldn't do THAT!" Which is sorta the chickenship way of avoiding a confrontation. LOL
 
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daisy729 replied to MontanaMama2009's response:
Uh oh...I've CIO with Dane and it worked for me. Our doctor had suggested starting it at 6 months, I couldn't do it. At 9 months, she suggested it again, still couldn't do it. I was finally at wits end at 11 months and didn't know what else to do. He would not go to sleep on his own at night, if I tried to lay him down and he wasn't totally out cold, he would wake up and scream.

And trust me, I tried everything, I burped him, I made sure he wasn't too warm or cold, I rocked him for over an hour, I sang to him, I tried getting him attached to a stuffed animal or blanket, I tried a light up toy in his crib, I tried a pacifier, I tried just staying in the room with him and rub his back or belly, I tried feeding him more during the day, I tried playing a lot before bed and wearing him out, I tried making it very quiet and calm before bed to relax him, nothing worked. So, for a week I would lay him down awake, he would cry, but then fall asleep. Within a week, he wasn't crying anymore. Now, I put him to bed, he plays with the toy I have in his crib, talks to himself and then goes to sleep. He's not waking in the middle of the night anymore and sleeps 10-12 hours a night. So, for me it worked.

So, if confronted about it, I would just say that every mom knows their child best. If they don't want to CIO, then I don't think you should. If you were like me and at your wits end, try it. If it's not for you, don't continue it.

I think what you find out the further you get into parenthood is that what works for someone else's child doesn't mean it will work for mine. And what works for one of your own kids doesn't work for another. And...what works one day for your child doesn't mean it will work the next day. I learned that with colic.

Geeze, sorry, I wrote a novel...again
 
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jlcohen78 responded:
We did do CIO with DS. It killed me. I totally felt pressured into doing it. Everyone told me that it was the only way for him to sleep. And I was naive. If only I had known about a message board like this when he was a baby. I wish someone had spoken up to tell me I didn't have to do it.

Second time around and I've learned from my mistake. DD has never CIO.

I've had conversations with people since taking the AP approach on CIO. It's never turned into a heated discussion. Probably because I just nod my head, smile and simply say that we don't do CIO.
 
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wxbuny responded:
I am sooo going through this right now! My DS (19 weeks) is going through a tough time and only wants to be held and rocked and patted on the butt! EVERYONE is telling me just let him cry. Oh my, I have heard it soooo many times in the last week. I tell them the truth, it makes my tummy hurt to hear it so I just can't let him cry. Also I say that i am raising a secure baby and letting him cry is like telling him he isn't important. They don't get it! I am glad that you made this board Kim!
 
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sarahann1978 replied to daisy729's response:
Daisy, I agree, it works with my DS, but I do it modified. I don't let him cry for hours or anything dramatic like that. I actually time it, as soon as I hear him I look at the clock and give it 5-10 minutes. Usually he crashes back out and there is no problem. If he goes on, or if I can tell there is distress in the cry then I tend to him. I think it works well for both of us and that is what counts.
 
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roni090909 responded:
I did the modified version with DS. I could never do the full blown version. I only did it because I was desperate. I had went back to work and he started waking at all hours. I was exhausted. I had to teach him to sleep on his own and without my breast. I would do it again but only the modified version.
 
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KCAimee replied to daisy729's response:
Don't feel bad at all. I don't think CIO is the devil. I think for some kids it can be almost necessary. With Madison I did it because I read that stupid Baby Wise book which convinced me that she was manipulating me. I would only feed her every 3 hrs because they said that was all she needed. If she cried before that I had to push off feeding her. OMG...what kind of parenting is that?!?! I feel horrible about it :(

With Hayden I fed her totally on demand (every 2 hrs for the first 3 months!). She slept on me because she wouldn't sleep in her crib or anywhere else. I did CIO at 10 weeks because she had no schedule..she had nothing and I had to go back to work. I won't even tell you how long she cried. I was desperate. It did get her to go to sleep on her own (3rd night) but she still got up 4-5 times every night. I BF her, I rocked her, I did everything. This went on until she was 14 mo and I couldn't do it anymore so I did CIO again. FINALLY she slept all night. So, I think it's amazing that people have babies who sleep but not all do. For me it was a last resort and I don't regret it. She sleeps all night now and so do I. Hopefully baby #3 will be a good sleeper. :)
 
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chrisandjen0717 responded:
I will start out by saying that I am absolutely not an AP parent but one of the reasons I am here is to learn about different ways of doing things. We did CIO with Juliana and had tremendous success. On the recommendation of several friends who were first-time parents we read Babywise and followed the plan it laid out but modified things if we found they didn't work for us. We absolutely loved Babywise and will definitely use it again when we get around to having Baby #2.

This is my personal experience and I share it willingly with anyone who asks but as a mom who did CIO, I would never start an argument with someone who did not agree with what I agreed with. I know what method worked for me, DH, and DD but know that it will not work for everyone.
 
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jlcohen78 replied to jlcohen78's response:
I just want to clarify a few things with my post, lol! I probably shouldn't have use the word "mistake" when talking about our sleep issues with DD. I don't have anything against people who do CIO and I think using the word "mistake" might indicate that. (And I'm not saying that any of the responses so far addressed it either, lol!) It's just not something I am/was comfortable with. I do tend to lean more towards AP styles but I really don't think negatively towards non-AP styles. It's all in what works for you and your family!
 
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KCAimee replied to chrisandjen0717's response:
Ok...sorry I said Baby Wise was the devil :( Ahhh....didn't know anyone on here used it. While I don't agree with it and it is highly controversial I don't question your parenting. I do know babies have died and failed to thrive because parents have followed that book but it probably is also because they were too rigid in it.
 
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chrisandjen0717 replied to jlcohen78's response:
On the same note, I just re-read what I typed last night and realized it could be interpreted as a bit defensive and harsh. I didn't intend for it to be either of those things at all. I was half-paying attention to typing and half talking to DH as he was getting ready to leave for work. I just wanted to say as someone from "the other side" that I agree that it really is nothing to argue over but I definitely have come across people who have been quite forceful in their views on CIO--both for and against it. As long as we are all raising happy, healthy babies who are right where we want them to be, our parenting styles really are nobody's concern but our own. I just wanted to share that we did choose to follow Babywise and CIO (probably would be considered "modified" CIO, never just went cold turkey and left DD alone to cry indefinitely) and although it was NOT easy, we feel that it was well worth it in the long run. :)
 
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ariannasmommy1125 responded:
I have found myself in that situation and my answer is usually "I just can't do that! I feel so bad leaving her in her crib crying!" Everyone usually just kind of laughs at me and moves on. I know CIO works for a lot of families but it is just not for us. DH would do it if I would, but I just don't feel that it is right for my DD. The couple of times I have tried to CIO when I was at my wit's end, she never would calm down. I would go in after about 10 minutes & soothe her a bit but as soon as I left she was screaming again. DD still goes to sleep in the living room in mine or DH's arms & then we put her in her bed. Sometimes she ends up snuggled in our bed. She CAN fall asleep without being held because she does it at daycare.
 
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MontanaMama2009 replied to chrisandjen0717's response:
Oh, man! :) Sometimes I'll admit it: I'm a bit jealous of those moms whose children sleep restfully and peacefully through the night because they did the CIO method (or a modified version of).


As for the bfing books: they ALL say to put your LO on a 4-hour schedule. Bwaaaaa-haaaaaa-haaaa! :) None of my three could last longer than 2 hours their first 6 months, practically!

I'm glad everyone is here. We don't all parent the same way, of course not! But we're all REALLY good mamas and I'm enjoying reading everyone's posts.

As a side note: one of my closer friends, Tammy, has two girls the same age as my older two. She did the CIO method and swears by it to this day. The first night, she said it was awfully painful. She and DH put pillows over their heads, shut their bedroom door AND LO's bedroom door and STILL could hear her CIO...for 45 minutes! Then the next night, it was 40. Then the next night, maybe 30. Until after several nights, when they'd put their LO into crib, she wouldn't even cry, just go to sleep.

So it totally worked for her and others on this board.

Sorry if I offended anyone. :)
 
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KCAimee replied to MontanaMama2009's response:
Do you think you offended someone? Most definitely not me. My motto is each child and each parent is different. I resorted to CIO because I had HORRIBLE sleepers! I tried every thing and was at my wits end. I totally did not enjoy listening to my children cry. It is gut wrenching! DH can't take it and spent 3 nights with his ipod cranked up. But I felt it was the right thing for us. Thank God it has never taken longer than 3 nights. I wish I wouldn't have had to do it but after 14 mo of getting up 4-5 times a night I was wiped!


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