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    is it so hard for those not in pain to really understand how much we hurt?
    johnny2551 posted:
    my wife seems to think that my pain is all in my head-hello-it is not my head that hurts it is my back, knees and lower and upper back. When I tell her it hurts she seems to think it is nothing.

    How I wish she could feel what I feel just of a 24 hour period so she could understand how much I am in. She doesn't seem to understand that I can not just jump up and go, it takes me at least 30 minutes to limber up and even then the whole time I am in pain.

    Is there any groups out there that can educate these people on how we feel and how we wish that the pain would subside, if not go away without having to be on meds all the time
    crkshnks79 responded:
    Im sorry your spouse is not understanding . It seems alot of people who are close to chronic pain patients think like she does , my mom tells me all the time " just push through it" that you can push through anything for 1 hour , and then just keep pushing . She doesnt get that I cant even push for that one hour , even though my docs have permently disabled me . I get called a bad mom or family member because I have missed so many family functions , weddings , my kids school meetings because there is no pushing through my pain , it is debilitating. Will your wife read some of the posts you find on here so she knows your not alone ? Or maybe some info you can find explaining the effects of chronic pain on a person ... also will or can she go to your doctor appts w you , so she can see that your doctors believe its " real" ? I hope you can find some way for her to understand , Lord knows its horrible to go through this period let alone having to defend yourself to the people who are supposed to back you up . Good luck and take care !
    rjbeck77 responded:
    I go thru this all the time with my family. My favorite reason for my pain is that I am in bed to much and if I would just be up and moving around I would feel better.I have avascular necrosis in both hips and shoulders (rt shoulder replaced 2009) my left shoulder has a collapsed humerus head and I can move it 30% and my left hip also has the complete femoral head collapse so on both xrays that I've shown my family that I have two bones that have all but disintegrated it still does not get thru there thick skulls.I just think they don't want to admit that this has happened to me @ 40. I have looked everywhere for a group or anything that would help but I have not found it.I think this is the only way for them to cope with a family member who 5yrs ago was in perfect health. Good luck Randy
    bren_bren replied to rjbeck77's response:
    hey there johnny, rjbeck and crkshnks, you both have serious pain issues that really makes it difficult to conceive of a loved one not supporting you - I think it makes the pain worse sometimes. I created a site here on WebMD to try and offer support to pain patients who deal with this, and family members to ask real pain patients how to deal with a loved one - what to say, what to do, how to act,etc. Patients have written but family members have not. I think they are too ignorant to take the time to learn what is really going on -- it's hard for the pigheaded to admit they're wrong sometimes.

    Anyways, to offer yet another site for you to visit:

    It would be great to have discussions like this and offer support one another on how to get past it. I hope to see some 1 soon!
    take care, Bren

    Featuring Experts

    Peter Abaci, MD , is certified in anesthesia and pain management by the American Board of Anesthesiology. Dr. Abaci received his undergraduate educat...More

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