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Impact of Your Pain on Others
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff posted:
We've often talked how our/your pain impacts ourselves in our day-to-day lives and how it has impacted our relationships with others, but how about how your pain has impacted those around you who care about you?

I don't just mean the relationships with you (though you can talk about that here too) but also just how it may have changed how good friends, family members and/or partners/spouses have been changed in how they think about the world and about pain, etc.

Briefly, I know it's impacted my best friend, for example, who cares deeply about me and has for over three decades. She often feels helpless and frustrated even though I tend to protect her from the day to day impact of pain on me. And it's impacted my now-grown sons... not all negatively but it's there.

How about those who care about you?
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
~Joseph Campbell
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chel_sea responded:
it's hard to think of pain as being anything but personal,,i have just recently discovered the horrible effects my pain,and how i choose deal with it has been having on those i love.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to chel_sea's response:
Hi Chel_sea and welcome here.

I hope you have support around you.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
~Joseph Campbell
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Great post, Caprice! Until recently, i never gave it a thought. My friend the other day, observed me clutching my arm in pain. He asked me why i still do that with all the meds i take? I re-explained to him, that with nerve damage, meds do not alleaviate the pain very well. Not unless you want to be knocked out all the time? All they can do for me, is help me to live as normally as possible.

That conversation made me think of how my pain affected others around me. Some doubt my pain is real. Others over simpathise. It is funny how other's react to our pain. Those that know, get it! Those that have never experienced chronic pain, just dont get it!

Thank you, Caprice. You always put out some really great questions!

Dennis
 
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bren_bren responded:
Unfortunately I have no real friends because of the pain. My social life is minimal, and I don't like to talk to people about my pain. My relationship w/ my family has gone to hell because they think I'm just on drugs. They tend to think I have many psychological issues that are the root cause of my pain so my interaction w/ them is rare. My father took his life because his chronic pain wasn't managed appropriately, so I think they tiptoe around me. Don't want to sound like a bummer, but there are choices I have made that led me here. It's great to see some of you have a support system and consider the effects of those around you.
 
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dfromspencer replied to bren_bren's response:
Bren_bren, dont forget, you too have this community as a friend! We believe your pain is real. All of us here, know how that pain hurts our relationships with family and friends.

Please dont ever feel that you are alone, you have us. Lucky you!

Dennis
 
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burningisis responded:
For me, my husband and I have gone up and down the roller coaster when it comes to dealing with my recently diagnosed RDS. At first when the doctors didnt know what to do, they kept filling me full of opiods. I was called a junkie. But now that I'm beginning the treatment of the symptoms of RDS, my husband is much more sympathetic.
I realize that I cannot do as much now as I wanted to. I realize that I've gained weight because I cannot walk and dance like I used to. But he is understanding that I have limitations and he makes sure I take my Gralise now when I'm supposed to. He makes sure I eat and gives me my fur pillow to put my foot on when I'm clawing the ceiling in pain.
I know he makes great sacrifices for me including taking me for my doctor visits and keeping the health insurance for us both.
My family is also very supportive of me and my mom is always there with a sympathetic ear when I'm clawing my eyes out in pain and just destressing really helps with her.
I've developed many online friends now due to my condition and they're all very sympathetic. It just feels good to not be alone. Many of them express to me that they couldnt imagine what this kind of pain could be like and offer sympathy, but I do encourage them to not treat me any differently than someone else. Though they do help me set my own personal limits for myself so I dont overdo things.
Its amazing how many lives we touch.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to burningisis's response:
Yes, it really is amazing, Burningisis. Thanks for joining in here.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
~Joseph Campbell
 
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chel_sea replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
you would not believe how fortunate i have been . with Drs,not so much,with some friends,not so much,but my family, oh thank goodness for my family.i have an unbelievable husband who never wavers and two grownish sons who watch out for me, also, i recently accidentally took a few too many pain relievers ,over a short period of time and my sister called me one morning from philidelphia and could tell i was not O.K.,well she showed -up on my doorstep in florida at 8 pm that same day. yes,i think i have an amazing support system. chel_sea
 
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trs1960 replied to chel_sea's response:
Pain effects everyone around us. I'm a different person than I was before my injury. In some cases this may mean I'm not as good as a father, a coworker or husband. But in other instances a new lease on life makes me a better person. I'm more caring and instead of playing soccer with my daughter I try to be her best freind and talk to her about what she needs to do. When the kids act like kids I put the friend hat away and have to be a father. I explain this to them that it is my responsibility to raise them to be good people. I beleive the reason I lived was to do just that.
I wish my wife was more understanding, but I know insde she is. It means that I have to be more understanding of her. In many ways I suffer the physical pain, she has suffered much more in ways that have made her life difficult. She's my bets friend and while she's not perfect (God knows I'm not) I will die trying to make her happy. I will dye trying to show her what a beautiful person she really is. Because of the care she has given me to get me through the worst of things I will never turn my back on her.

I am fiercly loyal to my friends of which I don't have many, but I've always beleived in quality over quantity
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to chel_sea's response:
I am truly so happy for you, Chel_sea; support like that sure makes an enormous difference in our lives.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
~Joseph Campbell
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to trs1960's response:
It sounds like all of this has made you really appreciate those you love, Tim, AND ensured you act on it.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
~Joseph Campbell
 
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vesuvius13 responded:
My pain has had a major impact on the people around me. First friends have fallen by the way side as I can't get out and do the things I used to do with them. My wife and I can't make plans to go out and eat with people as my pain makes it a spur of the moment thing. My wife often doesn't feel like going out but because I am stuck in the house so much she often will agree to go out just so I can get out of the house.

The good things it has caused revolve around the insight it has given my daughter and son. They grew up with a disabled dad "their words" and they have become very aware and perceptive about people with disabilities. They easily relate to people that are blind or in a wheelchair as they understand how different their lives are and how they still need to feel like part of the human race.

It has made me more patient and understanding of other people's problems. I was a hard driving A personality that focused on results but I now see that the journey through life is more important than the result. It also made me more understand of my wife's anxiety and insecurity. I could begin to see that her reactions often weren't about her feelings towards me but her anxiety overwhelming her.

There are some many other examples I could give but Pain impacts every part of my life. There isn't one thing that I can do where pain isn't a consideration whether it be playing with my granddaughter, maintaining the house or even intimacy with my wife; all is effected by my pain. It has been a long difficult journey for my family but we have made it this far and have gained some positive things along the way.
 
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Wolverine507 replied to dfromspencer's response:
I understand what you are saying. I have a herniated disc at L5/S1 and have nerve damage from it as well. There is nothing to take that don't make you a zombie. I want to be there & alert for my wife & kids but would love to find something to help with the pain. It is so aggravating & the only option I have been given is possibly a fusion surgery. Any ideas let me know.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to vesuvius13's response:
Hi Vesuvius,

I have often worried about how my own pain condition has impacted my sons but they are now grown, happy, healthy, and I have observed the same empathy from them for others who are hurting in quite remarkable ways.

Thank you for sharing how all of this has impacted you and those you love, not all in negative ways.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
~Joseph Campbell


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