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DATING FOR A CHRONIC PAIN SUFFERER
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SILVARDZ posted:
I just want to sympathize with all of those who suffer from chronic pain..and everything else that can relate to chronic pain..I too suffer from chronic pain, Fibro,and Chronic Fatigue..from a Auto accident in 91..I broke my spine in 3 parts,neck,arms,legs..so you can imagine the constant pain iam in 24/7..My marriage ended because my Ex, couldnt handle the 'pain crisis' and the crying and the fatigue..He just called it quits after 25 yrs..once i couldnt be 'normal'..anymore...And, i have come to terms with my illness and that maybe i will no longer have a 'life partner' because of it..
Its not easy to see another human being in pain, let alone someone you love...I was just married to a selfish person..thats all..because i know a lot of wonderful men and women who are married or are in a relationship with a person who is disabled...

I think that is up to FATE..YOUR DESTINY..that will send you a caring, loving person your way...I dont go and look for someone. i just let it happen..if its meant to be, it will be...

and in the meantime, i find love and happiness in my daily life, with family and friends, and with being on my own...I continue to live life with good times and bad times..I rest when i need to, or sleep when my body is asking to rest..I also go to the GYm, and spend time doing my water exercises, and i have very good friends there..My family is supportive and friends too..I can only do, what my body allows me to do...I lead a normal life otherwise..i have come to learn and adapt with my pain..never feeling sorry for myself, or to feel 'left out' because i dont have a spouse or a romantic partner"...Love comes in many different ways..and i seize that everyday..Of course i miss the closeness, the intimacy, the physical part of a relationship..But, my pain reminds me that its not easy for another person, to accept the limitations that it brings to a relationship being 'disabled'....I just pray, for a good day..the rest, i believe MY FATE will take care of it...Iam just happy to enjoy my life, my family and my friends...everyday!!

My advice to each one of you is that, TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE.EVERYDAY...that if its IN YOUR DESTINY, a love partner WILL FIND YOU, no matter what...and to thank GOD, that you find ahead of time that person is WRONG FOR YOU..before you invest anymore in that person...

DONT GIVE UP HOPE...have a open heart..and that special person everyone dreams of, will eventually walk into your life...but in the meantime, enjoy your life, your family, friends, and most of all, dont feel sorry for yourself, dont be a 'victim' be a SURVIVOR!!..

I wish and pray for each one of you, that LOVE and HOPE is ALWAYS in your heart.

LADYPAIN_24/7
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tuloud54 responded:
Sounds like you're telling my story! Broke my neck in 1990 and had two surgeries on c45 & c56 six months apart. I was 36 years old. If you've ever slept on your neck wrong,that's me everyday. Thought positive but being in that much pain changed me as a person. I became more compassionate and never again took anthing at face value. At that time I never even took an aspirin because if it doesn't work or help,why hurt your stomach unecessarily. My girlfriend at the time of the accident was no flo nightingale but she also felt helpless. Fast forward to 2007 and my left hand got painfully cols.Just came out of nowhere. Tried all non opiod meds and just kept my hand covered all the time. I had great access to all drs but no answers as to why. One year after my cold hand it moved the rest of the way up to my shoulder. I could no longer work and an now on ssdi. Fortunet that I've made good money in my life so I get a good paycheck. Would rather work till I'm 90 yrs old but not going to happen. I'm on a 50mcg patch and a couple of vicadin a day. Being 57 and still being in pain has given me an excuse to push my favorite people in the world away! WOMEN. Some one could never imagine being in pain constantly even with meds. I take the absolute minimum rather then being numb and feeling nothing. I never thought anyone could possiblybe in pain if it wasn't evident to me. never judge abook cause we never really no what another person is thinking or feeling. Sorry to ramble but your post just sounded like I could have written it. I have no right to invite anyone into my nightmare because I have no way to know how I'm going to feel one minute to the next. Sure do miss having company for good things that happen and support for the bad. I hope you keep the good attitude and being positive can only help. Right now,I'm just surviving and do try to realize someone has it worse. Doesn't make my pain any less. Thanks for letting me read a little bit of your story and it actually made me smile. Not that your suffering is anything to chuckle about but your sharing helped at least one pain sufferer today. Peace to you and God bless you.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Thank you for sharing such a great message here, LadyPain/SilvarDZ.

Really wonderful perspective and reminder.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
~Joseph Campbell
 
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SILVARDZ replied to tuloud54's response:
As you see, I got a little smile out of you!..and i think that communication, sharing life's ups and downs, usually makes epeople understand other people more, and you sorta feel that your problems, or what you are going thru, is now that bad anymore...I like you, feel the same way, i rather work until i reach the age that i cannot longer get to work...LOL..i use to love to work, being a people's person, and a caring one, i loved what is use to do..I worked in the healthcare field for 35yrs, always taking care of patients, until i became one..but that's life, no one prepares you for the parts that are lifechanging...the good thing is that i have a strong spirit, and also, being around the sick and the disabled, and death, always gave me a sense of being lucky everyday....when you are disabled, like iam, makes you more 'aware' of everthing, more grateful, that you still can do some things, that 'all' has not been taken away...in life, there is always someone more,and someone less than you..

Pain, changes you..at the beginning, it makes you weak, cray, and fearful..because you are being 'terrorized' by these pains that dont leave you alone..you feel 'trapped' like in a cage, with no bars..specially when you have been so independent, strong, athletic, fearless...i was once like that...now, iam laid back and dependent..I depend on medication to make my life less painful..dependent on people to help me out do things..but, its all in the plan...
sometimes i feel i had to go thru this in order to learn all this that this disability has brought to my life...i went thru hell, learning to cope with the daily, every minute in your life pain...now, its my best buddy, my shadow, a part of my life..iam eslaved to it..i do what it tells me to do..i cannot escape its wishes or its commands..if the pain says 'you cant do that, or you cant go"..then i listen to it, and just do what it tells me to do...I no longer fight with it, i no longer curse it, and ask of it "why me'?..why, why why?...those wuestions use to be my mantra everyday...now, i just see it as part of my life..i hope that you too, dont feel sorry for yourself, that you make the best of what you got...and that you surround yourself with people that care about you, that see more of you, than your disability..because we are the same person underneath the pain, the disability...I too, live on a fixed budget, SSi, and i get enough to make it by ok..i dont really need much anyway..as long as i have my cable, my internet, a roof over my head, and food and a decent running car, Iam happy..sure,its a long-way from what i use to earn, and had when i was working, but after all, iam still me...and i still have the same friends from the past 30 yrs, my small family, loyal pets and a wonderful life, because iam still here..and able to talk and write,my feelings, able to still communicate with people, and make people smile, give support and hope to those who feel less fortunate than me...and that is priceless for me...because, i could be much worse off..because there are people that are in that condition..maybe that is why life gives us people that we can 'compare' to, so you can understand how lucky, really, you are..there always can be a worst scenario..always....i guess we always now and then have to ve reminded of that..sure, we dont have a 'romantic partner' or a love interest, but we did once, twice or more even..but, we are not alone, maybe we just feel lonely sometimes, but, as soon as that feeling creeps in, just look around and people will remind you, again, that sometimes what you think you are missing, has a price to pay..and then you think about it., and you realize YOU are in a better place..disability and all...enjoy your life, just as it is..change will come, when you are ready for it..in the meantime, enjoy what you have, and who you are...and make the best out of it...pains and all...take care..


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