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Finally someone understands (tears of relief)
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Debb60 posted:
Hello, I went to AA to about 20 years, best thing ever. It taught me so much and brought me to a God I can accept. I had been on disabity for my back but doing ok. Than I was in an accident in 07 which caused some nerve damage and messed up my back worse. Since than it has been one thing after another. The back is better due to surgery but now the hips and knees may need surgery. Both my left arm & leg have nerve damage - that bothers me the most. Every where I go I get scoded and guilted about being on pain meds. Before my back surgery it was so bad I got addicted. I think some of it was because no body believed me about my back. I was just treated like a drug addicted and cut off, so I did go doctor shopping. Than I ended that story with a guy that feed me pain meds just to keep me. But I was strong enough to walk out and went to treatment. He stalked me for 2 years. (think he still does) So I was off them for about a year. I found a couple of pain doctors that put me on many other nerve meds felt I could benefit from pain meds. I do too, I can't stand the pain. I don't let it take over, I volunteer, see my Grandbabies. But I have come to total isolation. Just me, my cat (who will die soon - she has been with 20 yrs) & the computer. I try to go out lots and keep up beat. If my son knew I was back on the pain meds, I am sure this time he would cut me off from his family. I do understand that and sadly enough I thought ok I'm just going to take pain meds till I die. But my thought & I guess hopes were I would die soon. I take 3 10/325 hydrocodone a day. I had gastric bybass in 2005 so that is very hard on my stomach. Plus my heart is Left ventricular ejection fraction pumping at 38% , whatever that means. So I'd like to go off because of those things, but I don't want to ask for help because of my quilt and the quilt this community has put on me. I hate it - sometimes I just want to move. I have nothing here anyway. I am not attacted to anything. My Grandbabies, thats it. Yet I know if I go off the pills than theres the pain again. Besides I I might need knee replacement here real soon. I need help but I don't know what to do. I will not go back to AA/NA, they did save my life and gave me God. But I sat at meeting an watched them turn there back on people in dire need because they were manic. Yes I have resentments.
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77grace responded:
Hi Debb60,
Wow.I can relate alot to where you are at!!!I too have a long history with AA,NA and PA(pills anon)I guess about 20 years also
My story is very long but I will say a few things that I hope will make you feel better!
I have had Chronic pain in one form or another since I was about 18 yrs.old!(Migrianea)After several years of that I finally had tests done and found out that I had Tumors growing on the nerves on my spine!So,time goes on and I' found relief from different drugs!Then became hopelessly addicted,which brought me to the Program!
I'm trying to keep this short!I am sorry that you feel guilty!!!!
In my opinion the program is great,but when we need things like pain meds,its nobody elses busminess!I too was judgd very harshly and this was like 5 days after major surgery on my spinal cord to try to de bulk one of the tumors!My so called best friend turned on Etc..
It took quite awhile for me to learn to listen to my Dr.s and get help ouside of the program with people who are more understanding with a broader veiw1Unfortunatly,the surgeries did not help the pain much ,But Thank God Saved me fro Paralisis!
My point,,With God we can do all things
If you are taking what you say and not abusing it ,you have alredy changed alot!Right???
So, Starting tommorrow morning start it with positive thinking!!!The program kinda Brain washes us (we neededit)but,now we need new ways to deal with a different life!
Trust God <Turn it over,....77grace


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