Hey all. I haven't been posting much in either of my communities. A lot of it has to do with stress, anxiety, depression and uncontrolled pain. This holiday season is rough for many reasons. I have a hard time dealing with all of the violence in the world and there has been a lot of it lately both here and abroad. I still have also not accepted the "new me". It's been over 3 years and I can't get it to sink in that I will never be "normal" again. My husband and I have been struggling financially for a few years and he got a new job last month (after a year of unemployment and 3 years for me) so we thought our prayers had been answered well 2 weeks ago his boss decided she didn't want to work again until after the holidays so the 2 weeks pay we were going to use for Christmas...gone. So now we are scrambling to provide Christmas gifts to our 3 younger children (9,10,11 yr olds) the 2 older girls (both 18) are happy to get theirs late. We haven't given up on our Christmas miracle happening but time is growing short. i am doing my best to not sink completely into despair because I know that will just make things worse. I really think this is a medication issue that I need to get fixed. My pain is completely uncontrolled as is my anxiety and I don't think my anti depressant is working well either. I have been in crunch situations like this before and didn't feel this low so it has to be the meds. I am hoping to get in to my doctor soon. It would help if I wasn't so exhausted/groggy/confused when his office is open so I can call and have a coherent conversation to obtain an appointment. I don't know exactly why I am more alert late at night but I have an idea. Noise, light and commotion make my brain go into rapid fire mode causing headache, confusion and anxiety. i don't know what all can be done about that but I will bring it up with my doc when I get in. I will try to check in more even if it is just to say Hi I'm here
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