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Need advice on NA Daughter stealing pain meds
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An_250203 posted:
(copied and pasted from substance abuse part of WebMD two days ago since I didn't receive any feedback from the post there)

Hello. I hope I'm on the right forum as I desperately need help! My 24 year old daughter is battling an addiction problem. Apparently I've had my head in the sand as I knew she smoked pot but didn't know about the pills and other illegal drugs she had been doing until she got into some trouble. And now she's on house arrest...

She was hospitalized twice for depression and is in a drug rehab program at our local hospital. I'm very proud of her for doing this and I know there will be some backsliding as she continues her recovery.

I am a chronic pain patient and have been for 6 years. I take narcotics daily for pain. Early this morning,[approx 4 am Sunday Morning> my youngest woke me up telling me the other one was locked in the bathroom. I finally got her to open the door and she had blood all over her!! I was shocked to discover that she was making shallow cuts on her arms and thighs. I got her cleaned up and was helping her to bed when I realized that she was on something. I asked her point blank if she had gotten into my meds (I do my best to keep them out of her sight but she KNOWS they are in the house).

She said she had gotten a couple of my sleeping pills (Seroquel 100mg) and took those. I asked if she had taken anything else and she said no but she was acting strange..

This morning I woke up and dug out my medication from where I had it hidden. I thought I had hidden it pretty good, but there's quite a few missing! I don't know what to do with her or how to handle this.. I've looked all over the place on the proper way to handle this and I'm at a loss.. I tried calling her counselor but only got voice mail.

She won't talk to me, she just says let me sleep. I don't want to see her go back into the hospital but I'm afraid she'll end up hurting herself even more than shallow cuts.

I should go on to say that she's been on house arrest for several months. Living with her 24/7 has opened my eyes to WHO my daughter really is. She lies all the time and when I catch her in a lie, which is almost daily, she tells me I'm being mean to her; she's an addict and needs my HELP not my criticisms. She's even went as far as drafted her younger sister in to help cover her lies. Luckily my youngest has more sense and copped to it after a day or two and now refuses to help her carry on her lying.

Also, she's stolen my meds before and I found this out when she was hospitalized the second time. The night before, she'd gotten into my meds and I hadn't realized it. She found them where I'd hidden them in my bathroom and took about 10. I don't know if she took them all at once or hidden them to take after her required 2x's month urine test from house arrest, and once weekly with her NA program. I looked while she was in the hospital but couldn't find them. This time I thought I'd hidden them better, but she got into them again! I'm at my wits end with her.

I don't know whether to shake some sense into her or have her hospitalized again...
Reply
 
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ctbeth responded:
I have like one minute to write right now.

I think that she needs to be hospitalized.

She is cutting herself!

At the very least, please consider calling her MD.

Another option is to call the person who is in charge of her house arrest and tell him/her.

Of course, you'll also need to do something about her stealing your meds.

I hate to say this, but you may have to call the police.

She is sick. Addiction is an illness. Depression is also an illness.

If you do nothing, you are enabling her. She must learn that there are consequences for her actions- like stealing and lying.

She needs help, you are quite right, but allowing her to continue doing these things is not helping: it's enabling.

You also need your pain meds. Her behavior is probably causing you withdrawal and increased pain. You're also running the risk of your MD dismissing you.

I hope that you'll get more replies later today.

Take care and stay strong,

CTB
 
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ctbeth responded:
What your daughter is doing is NOT "backsliding in her recovery".

Either she is an active addict or she is in recovery. One cannot be both.

It sounds as if her out-patient drug-rehab program may not be appropriate for her needs, since she is currently an active addict.

Can you speak with her counselor and discuss the possibility of your daughter continuing in an in-patient rehab program?

Please keep in touch.
 
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An_250203 replied to ctbeth's response:
Thank you Beth for replying. I've thought about calling the program director of her house arrest and reporting her. However, if I do that, she will go to jail. I can't stand the thought of her being there, but I KNOW that would be the right thing to do.

She went today for her out patient program and after she left, I heard the BEEP BEEP of her machine. She PURPOSELY left it behind as she KNOWS it has to be with her at all times. She only left it behind so I'll have to take it to her and she's probably going to have the doctor admit her because the drug test was suppose to be yesterday and she didn't go, so they'll probably do it today, and the meds would still be in her system. She'll have them admit her, probably telling them all kinds of things.. She ONLY cuts herself when she takes my meds and then after she'll have them admit her. And it's making me CRAZY!
 
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blessedladyptl replied to An_250203's response:
I hate to bring this up. But if your doctor finds out that the meds he/she is rxing for you are being diverted, you could end up with no meds at all and not be able to find a new doctor who will rxing them for you.

Did your daughter go in the hospital ?
 
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dfromspencer replied to An_250203's response:
You need to finally HELP your daughter, tell the program about her, every thing she's done, or is doing. What you have done, is enabled her to continue the lie druggies tell themselves. Only you can stop her addiction, you have to be strong! My family did that for me, i ended up in prison for it. I could NEVER thank them enough!!! What they did, saved my life! You have to help your daughter, like my family helped me! Show your daughter how much you love her, turn her in! Yes, it will be painful for the both of you, but in the end, you BOTH will be happy!

Good luck!!!

Dennis
 
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77grace responded:
Hi 250203,
I am so glad I found your post !!!I have been in Recovery about 20 yrs.and around it even more!!!!!
I have also been in treatment programs,the best ones have been the 30 day ones .,She needs to stay there hopefully with some others her age!I don't know where you live but there are some around!If I were you I would get on the Web and /search or call her Hospital and get recomendations!!!!
How long has she been messing around with pills and cutting.that you know of????
I'm sure you know she is screaming out for Help the only way she can!!!!I strongly beleive in Group therapy at these places !
Just really Research so you find a good one !
My prayers are with you and her,Blessings77grace
 
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77grace replied to blessedladyptl's response:
Hello ,
Just a though but,I would think that would be the least of his worries right now!His Daughter is in a very dangerous situation!
Anyway ,thanks for your concern.....
Take care,77grace
 
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blessedladyptl replied to 77grace's response:
77grace,
I couldn't add anything to what CTBeth said. And I understand what you're saying. But if the parent cannot function without the meds, how will they take care of both of their daughters. We cannot take care of our families unless we take care of ourselves. And as many know the doctors don't care "how it happened" if it puts them in a bad light. The doctors name is on those meds and if the daughter steals a bottle..or even if she doesn't...any link to the doctor and the diversion and the parent would have to go without the meds.
 
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An_250203 replied to blessedladyptl's response:
Thank you all for your posts of advice.

She was admitted into the hospital yesterday and I've been worrying about what to do since then. I guess it's time I made some phone calls, no matter how painful they may be. I don't know if it will help her at this point, or make her hate me but it has to be done.

Again, thank you all.
 
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ctbeth replied to An_250203's response:
Hi An-250203,

I do not know if you're her mum or dad, but I had assumed that you're the mum. Sorry if I'm wrong.

Foremost, I am relieved, for both of you, that your daughter is in a safe place.

She will not hate you- trust us on that. she mad be mad as a hornet for a while, but better angry than dead. She is in a safe place and she will thank you some day. I guarantee this.

Regarding what you wrote yesterday, better prison than dead. You have done NOTHING wrong.

Although you seem to be having some mixed feelings right now, to have continued to enable your daughter would have been the worst thing for you and her.

Now, please, consider attending Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, which are both programs for family or loved ones of addicts and/ or alcoholics. You'll be able to communicate with others who are living, or have lived through, situations very much like yours and your daughter's.

I would be obliged to speak with you personally. I've posted my email about the site, but shall do so again. Once we communicate via email, if you'd like to have a phone conversation, I'd be glad to phone you or give you my phone number. Sometime speaking can be more comforting than writing.

Another suggestion is to google search Al-Anon Family Groups. There is information on line that is important to you and local access phone numbers to speak to someone nearby to you and meeting schedules.

There is no cost to attend and the Al-Anon/ Nar-Anon program maintains the same anonymity as AA and NA. There is nothing to fear. This group will help you learn and develop skills needed to help your daughter and you.

Below is my email. I would be pleased to have a private talk with you. Please do write something in the subject of your email to alert me that you are from the Web MD group, as addresses not recognised by my email server tend to land in my "junk" file. Your letter will be far from junk and I'll be on the lookout.

I have had a personal experience with Nar-Anon and my partner lost his 22 yr old son to the disease of addiction.

We wish that we had gone to Nar-Anon or Al-Anon sooner. Sorrowfully, it was too late for us.
I would do almost anything to prevent anyone else going through the losses that we've experienced.

BethHuntington@live.com

Stay strong and relax a little. Your daughter is safe right now.

She does NOT hate you.I promise.
 
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annette030 responded:
I agree, the best place for her is in the hospital. You need to keep your meds, all of them, LOCKED up. Only you should have the combination or the keys, but you have to wear them at all times, so a combination lock might be better.

The fact that your daughter is cutting herself and taking your drugs is very worrisome. You cannot hide them where she cannot find them. She is an addict...

I used to work at a place for heroin addiction back in the 70s, but addiction is addiction, I am afraid. For your younger daughter's sake, you need to consider not allowing this young adult to live with you at all in the future. Go back to court and tell the judge that you must consider your other daughter's well-being also.

This is a terrible situation that you find yourself in.

Take care, Annette
 
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annette030 replied to An_250203's response:
Sorry, but it is time to let her accept the consequences for her own behaviour. You are enabling her, if jail is a part of what she has to do to get clean, it is what it is. Finding her dead would be far worse than visiting her in jail.

Take care, Annette

PS, You are probably in the worst place a parent can be. It will get better.
 
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annette030 replied to An_250203's response:
I also assumed you were the mother too, oops.

Make the phone calls, find out where you stand, use the time she is in the hospital to do this. She may hate you, but she will be alive! Better than the alternative.

Take care, Annette
 
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An_250203 replied to ctbeth's response:
Thank you for email Beth. I will be writing to you tomorrow, as today has been a too long pain filled one, and not just what I'm dealing with healthwise.

I spoke to my daughter today as she called. She told me her doctor will be phoning me tomorrow. I assume either to set up an appointment for me to go in to see him or her or to just do a phone conversation. I'm not looking forward to it I have to say, but as you all have pointed out, I have another daughter to worry about also.

Thank you again for you comments.

Beth, I will email you tomorrow...


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