I messed up
Anon_22595 posted:
hi all, I haven't posted in a few years and forgot I even had an account here. Lately I have been lurking though because I'm a little worried about my situation. First off, 2 cervical fusions, many epidurals both neck and back. Recently I had an osteotomy on my right big toe and had plantar fascia release. Soon after that, when transitioning to a shoe, I fractured the little toe next to it. I have been in never ending pain. Foot doc had me in that darn boot for almost a year... forgot also to mention that I was in a bad car accident 2 Octobers ago. Had to go to hospital in ambulance...I'm not totally convinced the accident didn't have a little something to do with my foot issues. I am now convinced that my shoulder was broken during it and I never knew it. I was hurting but figured it was just from the seatbelt and the airbag deploying. That alone was one of the most painful things I've been through. In a nutshell, I have permanent nerve damage in my neck & never ending pain there, now my foot and shoulder are chronically hurting. I do see a PM doc. I've been with him about 4 years now. He never had me sign any type of pain contract until around last year. I have always only gotten my pain meds from him only until about 3 months ago. He had had me on Percocet 10/325 for almost a year, but I knew he should've had me on a long acting med. I had tried MS Contin and all it did was make me sleepy. I've tried numerous times to tell him my pain wasn't being controlled. I had always felt like I had a great relationship with him although I have ran out early taking an extra pill here and there. Yes, I know I'm not supposed to do that too. It took a trip to Urgent Care one night for him to realize I needed something stronger. I went in for extremem shoulder pain. I had ran out of my Percs. Yes, I told them all the meds I was taking. I was honest and up front. I was given a Tramadol and a script for Norco 7.5/500. I really wasn't sure about filling it, but my pain took over my good senses. Stupid me went to a different pharmacy and paid cash because I only received 16 of them. Also, found out I did break my shoulder and it did NOT heal correctly, so I need to have surgery sooner or later on it. Now I think I've really screwed myself. I know full well they check everything out, etc.but I was hoping for forgiveness from my doc for my "first offense." Here's the thing, I confessed and told him everything and he acted like it wasn't a big deal, just really didn't say much to me. He actually wrote me a script for 20 Oxycontin and 5/325 Perc for breakthrough. So I thought he was finally understanding that I am really hurting. And I thought he forgave me for going to Urgent Care since he wrote me the scripts. Well at my last appt. it was like it was all new to him. He apparently got my prescription records from DEA I guess and this showed up. But it was like he totally forgot that I told him all about it. All he said was just to make sure I only got my scripts from him from now on, but I could tell he was disappointed with me. And he gave me my Oxycontin and Percs. I thought for sure I am red flagged, but would he have given me my scripts?? Wouldn't I have had trouble filling them? Oh & when he got the list of my scripts, it was like 2 months before when I went to Urgent Care. Please, I don't need any lectures, I KNOW I messed up really bad and now I am just plain scared. I see stories about people getting arrested for "doctor shopping" & I guess that's what I did. I was honest with BOTH doctors, but how could my PM doc forget that I told him? that really bothers me. But I'm hoping all I get is the lecture he gave me, and not anything more severe, like him dropping me & me getting red flagged. How do you know if you have been red flagged? wouldn't I have known by now? Sorry it's so long, I just need to blow steam I guess & some input. Thanks for listening & please don't judge me, I already hate myself
77grace responded:
Hi Again ,
I wasn't finished with my post but I am a slow typer so I will add a little !!Please try not to beat yourself up!I know very well how that feels and it sucks !!! No one is perfect and Pain can cause us to act different than normal so......Give yourself a break but now you have anew start and stick to it !Tell your pain Dr. if you still have a lot of pain !
Let me know how things are going (if you want )