Skip to content


    Attention All WebMD Community Members:

    These message boards are closed to posting. Please head on over to our new WebMD Message Boards to check out and participate in the great conversations taking place:

    Your new WebMD Message Boards are now open!

    Making the move is as easy as 1-2-3.

    1. Head over to this page:

    2. Choose the tag from the drop-down menu that clicks most with you (and add it to any posts you create so others can easily find and sort through posts)

    3. Start posting

    Have questions? Email us anytime at

    Just stopping by to say hi
    ctbeth posted:
    Hello friends,

    I've not been on this site for a while- a little more than two weeks.

    I know that, throughout the years, I'm mentioned my partner, Kevin, who has always taken care of me post-op, and was my best friend, (other than my daughter).

    We each have homes. I stayed at my house in town half time and at his home out in the country the other half.

    A little more than two weeks ago, Kevin, had a massive heart attack and died at home, in his sleep. His arms were by his side, not clutching his chest or anything, so I have to believe that he experienced no pain.

    I have friends in this group who are my Facebok friends, and have seen the posts regarding Kevin.

    Some may recall that Kevin's only child, Jordan, died a few years ago. Kevin was never the same after that.

    He had just turned 62, and no one knew that he was unwell. He was tall, healthy, very active, and a healthy weight.

    I'm having a really difficult time. I hadn't before really had this brutal emotional pain along with brutal physical pain. It's been really hard to keep going.

    I think, last time I was here, that it was still doing the Calmare. I liked it, and I would leave the session (one hour on machine) with almost zero pain, but it came back before the next morning.

    Calmare is not covered by my insurance, the first visit cost $100.00, and the subsequent sessions cost $200.00 per treatment per day.

    After two weeks (nine sessions as I missed one due to snow), it didn't seem to me that the benefit was worth $1,000.00 per week.

    Has anyone else tried Calmare?

    That's all from me.

    Now I'm going to read the boards and catch up.

    tuloud54 responded:
    Talk about PAIN. I am so sorry you and his loved ones lost such a big part of their lives.Why? What does this serve?How are you suppose to survive? My prayers and thought are with you as you suffer a whole different pain.You have helped so many here and I can do absolutely nothing to take aware just a little of your hurt.So sorry my friend.Wish I had answers why bad things happen to good people but I gave that up,a long time ago.Somethings,we are not meant to know.Gods plan. Tom
    davedsel2 responded:
    Oh, Beth, I am so sorry. I've missed you posting in this community and now I know why you have been absent.

    You and your family are in my prayers.
    Please click on my username or avatar picture to read my story.


    annette030 responded:
    Hi, Beth, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I don't know what to say.

    Apparantly, Calmare has not become easily available yet on the West Coast. I asked my pain management consultant about it and he had never heard of it. He said he had no memory of anyone checking off double vision in the many years that it was on the form he uses in his office. He had never heard of it being related to opiate use.

    Again, I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

    Hugs, Annette
    77grace responded:
    Hi ctbeth ,
    It's been a long time since we have been in touch !I just wanted to let you know that I feel really Sad for you and I do kow how hard it to loose people who we really love !I have lost quite a few throughout my life !
    I will keep you and of course any of his family and friends in prayer !
    God Bless You ,Love ,77grace
    blessedladyptl responded:
    ctbetth, I am so sorry about Kevin. Parents aren't suppose to bury their children, no matter their age. When you bury a child, it does change you.

    Everyone grieves in their own time and in their own way. Be patient with yourself. You're in my prayers.
    ctbeth responded:
    Dear Tom, Dave, Blessed, Gracie, Annette,

    Thank you all for the kind words.

    It's nearly three weeks and I'm still kind of lost.

    I'm also in the midst of moving, which is a positive move, but lots of work, too.

    Three of my four children are grown and in their own homes. My daughter lives with me and helps me quite a bit.

    For years, I lived between the two homes, my house during most of the week and Thurs-Mon at Kevin's home, which is out in the country and very relaxing.

    He was very kind and good about my physical limitations, and I always stayed with him post -op or when I was having a bad pain stretch.

    Kevin retired relatively young (58), and was always " there for me"

    Our next move is that I'm selling my house, as it's just too big for me to take care of it, and we bought a beautiful two family, plus a studio apt, home in a lovely village a bit north of where I am now.

    My daughter will have one apartment, I'll have my handicapped- equips apartment, and my BFF, Debby, is going to live on the studio.

    She is a nurses aide and, in exchange for her paying rent, she's offered to help me with some of the things that I require assistance. We are all hoping that this will allow my daughter a bit of time for herself.

    It sounds good, and we all are hopeful, but I'm feeling somewhat burdensome to both my daughter and my best friend.

    It was different with Kevin, as he is somewhat recluse and is an artist/ oil painter. He liked to stay home and my "down time" was fine with him. And I did what I could for him: cooking, cleaning, laundry, that sort of thing. I seldom felt like a burden to him.

    Has anyone out there felt burdensome to those who love us? I do not like the way this feels. I'm hoping that when my sense of loss isn't so overwhelming, that I'll be more myself.

    It is tough to lose ones independence, isn't it? For me, that piece is harder with which to cope than the physical pain.

    Anyone else experience these feelings?
    davedsel2 replied to ctbeth's response:
    Hi, Beth.

    I can relate to the loss of independence. I have been disabled since 2008 when my doctors said that I just could not work anymore. My wife had an accident at work that caused a serious back injury in March 2011. She tried all types of treatments and continued working with restrictions until November 2012. At that time her doctors said she could no longer work. So, we are now both disability-forced early retirees.

    We now have a woman coming in about once per week to clean our home. I am getting estimates for lawn and garden maintenance, and will have to have our driveway and sidewalks shoveled and plowed. We've tried to do those things ourselves but they cause too much pain. Our two young adult sons, ages 22 and 24, live with us but work full time, plus our eldest is not only working full time but going to school full time. They do help as much as they can.

    As my story says, I have multiple degenerative spinal conditions that are mostly genetic. I've managed moderate to severe chronic pain for over 35 years. I am in the process of getting all new diagnostics and seeing a new physiatrist. I just had full x-rays, which show my conditions are worsening since my last x-rays in 2008. Walking is becoming more difficult, and I now have a power lift recliner chair (as does my wonderful wife). The pain levels are a bit higher on average and the stiffness is worse. I did a load of dishes using the dishwasher about 3 days ago and I am still suffering from that. I am feeling the frustration associated with not being able to do simple things in life without increasing pain levels.

    Despite all this, I still try and move as much as possible. I also still work at keeping a positive attitude by focusing on what is good in my life and enjoying abundant blessings.

    You have so much on your plate. I will pray for strength, wisdom and comfort for you as you go through this transition in your life.
    Please click on my username or avatar picture to read my story.



    Featuring Experts

    Peter Abaci, MD , is certified in anesthesia and pain management by the American Board of Anesthesiology. Dr. Abaci received his undergraduate educat...More

    Helpful Tips

    Judging people with or without chronic pain
    I try not to judge people by anything they do if they aren't hurting themselves or someone else. Unfortunately, I know that I've been judge ... More
    Was this Helpful?
    1 of 8 found this helpful

    Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

    FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.