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OT: Daycare Woes
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palvarad posted:
Man this stinks.

So my mom is the primary babysitter for DS, and without my parents I dont know what I would have done. But she's been getting sick lately, and she's older (70) and I feel like I'm a burden to her relying on her for care. She needs to rest, not chase after a 13 month old all day for 5 days a week. I feel so horribly guilty. I know she loves DS, its her grandson and would do anything for him, but she's tired, I can see it in her eyes when I drop him off every morning. Because of this I started looking for a daycare, and boy oh boy I dont know what I'm gonna do. Right now I have emergency daycare lined up, but its only 15 days a year. I live in NYC which is the most ridiculously expensive city I swear. For two, count them TWO days some places want 1750 a month!!! I can't afford that!!! And I'm married and we BOTH work. Most of the places I've looked up are insanely expensive. I'm so heartbroken over this. There are people who watch children in their homes but I don't know those people, or who could be going in and out of their apartments. Not saying that daycare centers are any safer, but jeeze at least there's a modicum of security and any time drop ins, you know? I'm just so sad. God forbid my parents can't watch my son, what will I do then!?! I can't afford this at all and it's absolutely depressing. I don't know what I'm going to do. My mother needs a break, I can't keep putting this on them.

Well, thanks for listening to me vent.
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earleyml1012 responded:
I'm really sorry to hear that the daycare is so expensive. Have you asked around at your work? Maybe someone knows of a reasonably priced place?!? That's how we found the one we're taking DD too. Good luck and I hope you can figure something out!
 
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palvarad replied to earleyml1012's response:
Most of the moms i work with have nannies, good heavens if I could only, ya know?? Though I've only asked a few, and will keep asking around.

Thanks for the idea :)
 
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jlcohen78 responded:
I totally feel for you. My mom watches both DC for me in the morning while I work. She is younger than your mom (54) but I can still see the exhaustion in her. She would never admit that to me though. And honestly, I don't know what we would do if we had to pay for daycare. Fortunately my step-mom is a nursery school teacher so when the kids are old enough, they will be ablt to go to school there for no charge.

Talk to your mom about this. Maybe you can work something out.
 
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DDK2005 responded:
I hear you on the daycare cost - I live in Staten Island. Do you live in NYC itself or outside of NYC? The prices here are absolutely ridiculous - but being a SAHM isn't an option for me either. Have you tried your loval church or ask some of your co-workers. You never know, there may just be someone out there who will gladly watch your baby for like $50-100 a day. I feel for you, Im lucky enough to have my SIL. Im hoping you find a connection soon...good luck!
 
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alliegirl77 responded:
My mom (65) watched SArah for the first three months after I returned to work. I could see - just like you can - that it was wearing on her. I told her that I wanted her to enjoy Sarah, not see her as a job when she is retired and should be relaxing.

although it added $600 a month to our expenses - which is no where near $1750...good grief I cannot imagine. We had to do it. What I did was check into certified in-home daycares via the web. I interviewed about 13 individuals and we landed on one that we love and has been the best person for Sarah since we both work. Good luck and hang in there!
 
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MontanaMama2009 responded:
Geez, I totally feel your frustration and dilemma.

May I give my honest opinion without, hopefully, hurting your feelings?

I have a sister who has relied on my mother to watch her children. Mom is 72 now, and is beginning to watch Infant No. 4 (the other three are now in school). Mom admits to me that she's exhausted on a daily basis, she isn't a spring chick anymore, and to take care of yet another little one at her age is just plain exhausting for her. She misses her retirement phase of life, but won't ever say anything to my sister.

BUT -- she LOVES her grandchildren and hates the thought of them being in a daycare system. So she takes on yet another infant, all in the name of love.

I would say that you've been pretty lucky to have had such an accommodating mother, for sure. Perhaps it's time to find at least some part-time daycare somewhere else, in order to give your aging mother some rest time and time for herself?

I understand it's expensive to pay for childcare. But perhaps you could place an ad looking for someone with "parenting and/or grandparenting" experience, which is what I did, and I found a lovely 62yo woman to come into our home. I do pay double the cost for her, but for me, it's great peace of mind.

Again, I hope I didn't offend you or hurt your feelings.
 
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palvarad replied to DDK2005's response:
I live in NYC proper :( Manhattan island.
 
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palvarad replied to MontanaMama2009's response:
:) Montanamama you totally hit the nail on the head (and didnt hurt my feelings). I completely agree with you, I love my mother, she raised my siblings and I, and I'm of the belief that she needs to rest now and relax and enjoy her life in her retirement, which is why this is killing me. If I could afford that much money a month I would totally do it in a heartbeat, no question, it;s just with our finances right now, we can't even entertain the thought. I think I'm just going to buckle down and be serious about researching some of these in home care people, swallow my pride and do some serious investigation. The reason I don't lean towards a sitter or a nanny is because in NYC there are standard salary laws for sitters/nannies and heavens the amounts I researched online are almost equal to the daycare tuitions. I would've become a nanny myself if I weren't a parent for the amount people pay!

I look at it like this, I'm the mom. I decided to have a child, so it is my responsibility to sort this out so that my mommy can finally rest and do whatever it is she wants to do. My layabout sister lives with my mom along with my nephew, and they treat her like a slave enough, I don't need to add to that burden.

I have been so utterly blessed for the last ten months to have parents that love me and my son so much they're willing to disrupt their lives to help care for him, and I can never ever repay that love except to let them know how I adore and love them. I will work something out. I have to. I'm mommy and that's what we do.
 
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MIOB responded:
In my area, the daycare centers are horribly expensive. Completely not feasible. We were able to find a fantastic home daycare provider through word of mouth here are work. Talk to people around you. I mentioned my daycare dillemia a friend at work and she asked around her department for me. I got an amazing referral from her coworker (literally, the email said 'I love, love, love, love my DCP!'). After several home visits and lengthy conversations, I felt comfortable leaving DS there. It took a lot of research - I started about 4 months before DS was even born. Don't give up!
 
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MontanaMama2009 replied to palvarad's response:
Whew. Glad I didn't offend you. :)

I think even if you just did two days a week with someone else, however you can do that financially, your mother would totally agree to the other three days a week.

I am appalled at the cost of daycare in NYC...is your salary in proportion?

I know for me, here in Montana where most job holders earn 1/2 to 1/3 of what they could earn anywhere else in the US, my monthly daycare costs are 1/3 my current monthly salary.
 
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palvarad replied to MontanaMama2009's response:
I get paid twice a month, and the amount some of these places are asking for would be both checks, plus some. It's absolutely insane, i don't earn enough to balance cost of living, but it's more than zero so I can't complain. When you (MontanaMama) said I was blessed, I really, really am. I know it, which is why I try to keep my head up about things. I just need to do my homework for reals!

thanks ladies, this is so totally minor but thanks for letting me talk about it.
 
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rcarmommy responded:
I live in NYC too (Brooklyn, to be exact) and moved here 4 months ago from Los Angeles. I, too, am totally appalled at the daycare situation and can completely relate to you in the expense aspect. I thought I was paying a lot in Los Angeles ($225 a week for a full-time center), but I was in shock when I started the search last December. We were lucky enough to find an in-home daycare that is fully licensed and she only charges us $170 a week. Don't ask me how it's possible. I really don't know.

She is awesome, you can tell she really just loves children and my son is always happy when we drop him off in the morning. It is possible. Just don't get discouraged.

If you don't mind me asking, where in NYC do you live? Maybe I can check around for you? Hope this helps!
 
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rcarmommy responded:
OH and this site REALLY helped me make my decision:

http://it.ocfs.ny.gov/ccfs_facilitysearch/

Just input your zip code, or a zip code that your son will be attending daycare, and it pulls up the entire list of licensed home/ center facilities available and their records. It's a lifesaver, really.
 
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palvarad replied to rcarmommy's response:
brace yourself, i live on the upper west side.

any help would be most appreciated!!!!


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